"God-Cleaner" Foot Bath Draws Out Toxins, Money

The "God-Cleaner" is a foot bath that, like the humble carpenter from Bethlehama, washes your feet with a sluice of ionized water. And like the Lizard of Judah, the God-Cleaner can liven any party by turning water into wine—as long as you define "wine" as a dubious puddle of foot jelly turning rusty from the body's drawn out "toxins." (Or, as Trends in Japan speculates, the oxidation of the water ionization element. My guess: a tiny clay idol secreted in the chassis, lending the unit fel power.) Like the scale-covered messiah, hatched from an egg slipped from a fire-breathing virgin's chitinous vagina through the roof of a hay barn, he who trod upon Tokyo's Pharisees and overturned money-lending tables as big as bridges, the God-Cleaner is available only in Japan. God-Cleaner for cleaning feet, not Gods [Killian-Nakamura.com]
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19 Responses to "God-Cleaner" Foot Bath Draws Out Toxins, Money

  1. Joel Johnson says:

    Edgore questions the holy chitinous vagina! ICE HIM.

  2. chef says:

    2 feet 1 cup

    Sorry, it had to be said.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I’ve heard of a similar gadget being pushed at a chiropractor’s office. If you or a friend use chiropractic, please be on the lookout for people marketing extremely dubious “alternative” treatments. I’d recommend the test mentioned by Chris Brewer #8 above if they see a gadget like this one.

  4. Jeff9821 says:

    “chitinous vagina” has just become the name of my new band.

  5. dodi says:

    Unfortunately, this is not a new gadget. In 2001 my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. At a “wellness” center run by an aggressive quack she was “treated” with a similar device. The color change was offered as proof of its toxic-removing effectiveness.

    There are a lot of helpful alternative medicine treatments, but this was not one of them. My role during her illness was to research and debunk the sham treatments without destroying hope.

  6. Michiel says:

    With these things you have to add some salt to the water.

    The salt reacts with the iron, which causes the brownish color.

  7. edgore says:

    Oh no! I didn’t expect some sort of Saurian Inquisition!

  8. Skep says:

    This is just one of many “alternative” (as in “alternative” to something that might actually work) products that claims to “detoxify” your body. What virtually all “detoxification” schemes have in common is the idea that through a simplistic process can magically remove only “toxins” from your body but leave all the good things your body needs intact, but do it through know actual known mechanism. The appeal is very basic and easy to understand.

    Unfortunately, all chemicals are toxic if taken in sufficient amounts–even water. And your body requires many toxic chemicals to live–like selenium. So any vague, non-specific claims of “detoxifying” are immediately suspect. Any process that can remove toxins from the body has to specify exactly what toxins, exactly how much it will remove and by which proven physical/chemical process it achieves this. In the case of the footbath, the device would some how supposedly suck “toxins” from throughout your body and concentrate them in your feet, and then, hopefully, suck them through the generally impermeable barrier of your skin. If it did work it would possibly be highly dangerous since the half completed process would leave your feet filled with concentrated “toxins.”

    One common trait of ineffective medicine is the claim of no side effects. In reality (remember reality?) anything that is powerful enough to have a therapeutic effect is also powerful enough to have side effects that will affect at least some people in an undesirable way. Anything that claims to have zero possible side effects and zero toxicity probably has zero therapeutic effects besides placebo.

  9. yurei says:

    Blasphemers! How dare you question the healing holy power of…Godzilla.

  10. Lizzle says:

    There’s a similar product touted by detox quacks here in the UK – a magic tea-bag sort of pad which is worn on the feet at night. In the morning, they’re damp, squishy, strange-smelling and brown.

    Toxins, apparently. Not the sweat from the soles of your feet dissolving the stinky, treacly-brown wood vinegar (pyroligneous acid)) that’s listed in the ingredients on the packaging.

  11. cautionyou says:

    Mod Converter can convert the .mod files recorded by most popular digital camcorders.

  12. Andor says:


    In my last scientific photo course, we let some ‘pseudoscience’ people demo us with some weird things like Kirlian cameras and so…

    One of the groups that came to the class for demoing was some ‘alternative therapies’ people, that showed us that, and told us, while one of the classmates was soaking her feet there, that was like peeing throug your feet…

    Me and my teacher had to get out of the class laughing…

    They where rounded by scientific people, and they had no explanaition at all for any of our questions… All was like generic ‘toxins’ and ‘energy’…


  13. edgore says:

    “Like the scale-covered messiah, hatched from an egg slipped from a fire-breathing virgin’s chitinous vagina”

    Wouldn’t that be a cloaca? All of the fire breathing virgins I know definately have a cloaca and not a vagina.

    They also tend to eat their young, and issue parking citations.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Apparently if you put your HEAD in one of these things and hold it underwater for the 20 minutes, you can detoxify your MIND !

    Stu Savory

  15. Aristan says:

    The name in the US is far less holy, it’s called the Aqua Detox Foot Spa. I work in a health food store, and we’d have a lady come in and have them lined up against the wall. It was like an old fashion beauty salon, if a beauty salon ever featured toxic sludge.

  16. Chris Brewer says:

    We have a consumer affairs program on TV down here in NZ that ran a story about a similar product. Turns out if you follow the instructions but don’t put your feet in it, the water still goes all gloopy and brown.

  17. dragonet2 says:

    I HAVE a nice, little foot spa (stored dry between uses, fill with warm water and it’s a champ). If the water ever turns out brown and goopy, I’d be worried one of my fur beasts had gotten into it and polluted it. Eeew.

    What Herr Wunderwerk says says it all. eewu again.

  18. Herr Wunderwerk says:

    I was working a booth at a county fair here in Oregon. Next to us was a booth full of these things. The farmers and 4H moms attending the fair could kick back and detoxify in one of these little mechanical wonders for twenty minutes at $30 a pop. Every morning, sure enough, there were clambering crowds of early risers, lining up to try the miracle cure, and scads of moist-eyed testimonials from long time sufferers of terminal and degenerative diseases claiming that they had had the first pain free sleep in months.

    and all i could see were people soaking their feet in shit, and paying through the nose to do it.

  19. Marie says:

    I saw something like this on AZN TV. Its a pad you put on your feet at night, and it soaks up all the impurities in your body. The pad in the morning has brown spots all over it to “prove” it works!

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