Contest: The Suckiest Gadget Experience Wins an Oreck XL Vacuum

Another contest from Intern Copeland! This time you can win a rather nice Oreck vacuum cleaner by dint of your story telling skills alone. We are looking for your worst, never-again, broke-your-spirit, storming-the-corporate-offices—flat out suckiest—gadget experience. (Not necessarily the worst gadget, but your worst experience.) You could write a novella or a sentence, but you'll have to leave it in the comments, and you'll have to use a registered account so we can contact you if you win. How do you win? Joel and I will pick our favorite story in the thread. Easy! (And if you liked someone else's story, feel free to influence us with comments pointing out which story you liked.) To start it off, here's mine. It's not dramatic (and I'm not in the contest) but you get the idea: "I loosely subscribe to the Unix principle: do one thing well. Take, for example, my shower clock. It tells me what time it is while I'm in the shower. Awesome. But nothing bothers me more than when something of mine doesn't work at all. I hate to sound like a pen snob, but last summer I wanted a new pen in my life. I looked to the Bic Wide Body Ballpoint Pen. I was taking a risk, because I usually prefer fountain pens, but Bics are usually so reliable. Plus this one had a steel body, so I was sold. The pen lasted two days. I tried drawing circles to get the ink flowing. No go. The let down anticipation made me so mad at that pen that I froze it in a Ziploc bag filled with water for a year. I'm still upset. Presumably, so is the pen." The contest is open to US citizens residents only and will last until Friday. Sorry, international brethren!
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25 Responses to Contest: The Suckiest Gadget Experience Wins an Oreck XL Vacuum

  1. Jules Dawn says:

    I don’t buy many gadgets per se. I did buy a pedicure foot file from Avon one time that ran on batteries. It was no match for my dry feet so I returned it. It was, indeed, a piece-o-junk.

  2. TheNaturalMommy says:

    The only bad-gadget experience that I can think of is the one I am currently enduring with the scale I purchased at Wal-Mart last week.

    I’m pretty tight frugal, so when confronted with a variety of scales with which I wish (say that five times fast) to fulfill my New Years resolution, I went for, nay, not the cheapest, but the second cheapest option. My logic being that perhaps it will work but for less money than the higher-up-body-fat-percentage (who wants to know that?!) scales.

    So I went with the Sunbeam large dial analog scale.

    I got home, tore through the shrink wrap, and stepped on the Sunbeam.

    Hmmm. That’s not what I weighed at my mothers house over the holidays.

    I got off, went about my business, and got on later that night.

    Lo and behold, I had gained lost five pounds.

    The next morning, I had gained ten.

    It wasn’t long before I realized that by placing my feet on the outer edge of the scale, I can add up to ten pounds. And by putting them closer together? I instantly reach my weight-loss destination.

    Now, as nice as it would seem to be able to lose ten pounds that easily, I think a scale that tells me my real weight would be more beneficial to the original goal of.. being able to fit into my pre-child pants.

    If I win this Oreck, I will sell my current vacuum on Ebay and use the money to buy a better scale!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Open to US Citizens only, or US Residents?

  4. chewymom says:

    My suckiest gadget experience really wasn’t the gadget’s fault. And it really wasn’t my sucky experience. But I think it is relevant.

    My oldest son had just begun to go through puberty, and his younger brothers were quite amused at his darkening, thickening eyebrows. Especially the way they were starting to grow closer to each other.

    My oldest son failed to see the humor in being called “unibrow” by his younger siblings. Enter the gadget.

    He quietly went into our bathroom, got his Dad’s electric razor and took care of the unibrow. And his entire left eyebrow.

    Bad, bad experience for all involved. Especially traumatic for his mom (me).

    (It mostly grew back.)

  5. cami618 says:

    I am a woman.
    I have 4 little girls.
    My tools are many.
    My gadgets, few.
    My bad gadget experiences tho, surprisingly, many.

    The digital camera flash that wouldn’t power up. (It was the mustard in the hot foot. Who knew?)

    The Mac G4 Tower that kept freezing up. (It was the white out across the hard drive panels. Mac towers are easy enough to open even a child can do it.)

    The DVD player that won’t play DVDs. (Could it have been the chapstick applied to the inside of the tray?)

    Our flat screen TV that was Foggy. (Body spray on the screen, collected along the base and fogged up the whole screen. I had to disassemble the whole unit and use the blowdryer to evaporate the spray. But it did smell like cucumber melon… ahhh… so relaxing.)

    The fax machine that was jammed. (With Barbie jeans.)

    Did I mention I have 4 little girls?

    Um, yeah.

  6. bpratt says:

    It’s Christmas, a few years ago. My 5 year old son has been given a “Walking Dinosaur Kit”, a tiny and crude T-Rex model, the kind of thing you find in a science museum gift shop, made up of amateurish wood cutouts for the head and limbs which have to be screwed onto a little metal gizmo containing a battery pack and electric motor with an eccentric crank to drive the legs. The whole business is meant to walk on metal L-brackets screwed to the insides of the legs to form a Tee with the foot, with each bracket meant to step over the other so the machine can stand on one leg while moving the other forward.

    Needless to say, it’s all way too small and fussy for a young child to assemble: tiny (like, 3mm) screws and tiny pilot holes in the wood which you have to line up with the tiny holes in the metal gizmo. And, needless to say, my son wants to see the dinosaur walk RIGHT NOW.

    I’m a pretty supportive dad, and generally pretty handy, so I get out the jeweler’s screwdriver set and get to work slapping this thing together. Hmm – nothing lines up, and some pilot holes seem to have been omitted altogether, so it’s guesswork. Plus, you have to get miniscule screws into tiny holes hidden behind the motor and gears, and drive them at a crazy angle so the screwdriver head tends to slip. The L brackets are all bent up and the stupid thing can’t stand up without a lot of adjusting and fussing around.

    The kids quickly lose interest, but I’m now locked in a death struggle with this kit. I haven’t had breakfast and this is starting to piss me off. My wife starts bug me about ignoring the family on Christmas morning, which I feel is deeply unjust as I AM DOING THIS FOR THE CHILDREN, who no longer even care, which is even more unjust. After the better part of an hour I am just barely keeping it together but having already sunk so much time into it I am by GOD going to assemble this thing.

    Finally victory is mine and the Walking Goddamn Dinosaur is more or less working. I summon my son, who eagerly throws the switch. The machine starts to take a step forward and the L-brackets entangle. It topples over, lays there writhing a moment, and then proceeds to tear off its own leg.

    I can NOT believe it – after all that effort IT JUST TEARS OFF ITS OWN FUCKING LEG. The wood just broke like a goddamn cookie. It’s like some surprise self-destructive kinetic sculpture that I was completely not expecting. I can’t stop laughing for several minutes, and it’s not a healthy kind of laugh. I don’t think I’ve ever come closer to a psychotic break.

    I really think I lost my mind that morning, just for a minute or two, which was actually kind of interesting. That’s one Christmas I’ll always remember when most are so quickly forgotten, so in the end it’s kind of a beautiful story.

  7. Zandr says:

    Maxtor One Touch III Turbo. Supposedly a RAID-1 capable external enclosure, and just the thing for long photo trips.

    Until a drive failed. There are no external indications that a drive has failed, though in my case the drive is making clicking noises. Once the drive has failed, however, the device is totally dead, and won’t appear on the bus. It seems that if you notice a failure while the drive is running (and running the diagnostics seem to be the only way to do this) you can get your data out until you turn off the drive.

    So now, I can void the warranty and remove the remaining good drive, or get a new drive without the data.

    Even more annoying, it took three weeks for Seagate/Maxtor support to even attempt to answer the question: “What is the expected behavior when a drive fails?” And every time I got close to an answer to that question, I’d get escalated to someone who offered a FAQ on backup strategies or the Wikipedia article on RAID.

    So, no, never again. I certainly won’t buy a packaged drive from Seagate/Maxtor again, and I’m seriously reconsidering specifying Seagate anything. As I work for an online storage provider, that’s a challenge for me.

  8. Anonymous says:

    Number 5 by bpratt should win for dramatic flair alone! My husband and I were laughing insanely! It’s the exact kind of thing I could see my husband, dad, or brothers going through……

  9. Anonymous says:

    Instead of making an account, I figured if I just left my email address that would count. I can be reached at tara kluth at juno dot com. (smoosh that all together, add the right punctuation and you’ve got it.)

    I found an apple corer at a sale.
    My eyes lit up, DH went pale.
    Just five bucks, I bragged and then
    brought it home, fun to begin.

    I sent the boys to gather up
    apples from our tree out near a stump.
    They picked and picked and picked and then
    I sent them out to pick again!

    The boys were tired the mom frustrated.
    Seems the apple corer was overrated.
    My new kitchen cart now has a marr
    And all those apples? Made just one jar

    Of barely edible applesauce.

    Apple juice and pulp and seed
    were all over the place and now I need
    to sweep and mop and scrub clean.
    The magical gadget, where could it be?

    Stuck in a box where it’ll never see
    the light of day again!

  10. zeigen says:

    #3 wins.

    I was going to tell my Roomba story, but I can’t compete with #3.

  11. pork musket says:

    I bought my father an Ambient Devices wireless weather station for xmas a couple years ago. All the printed/online material indicated that you could get updates for five cities, by zip code, for free.

    When my father tried to set it up, he discovered that the cities are limited by region and that there is an $8/mo subscription fee. We called support and got a guy that was condescending from the start. We read him the verbatim text from the instruction book showing the discrepancy between promised service and reality, and he claimed that ‘we must have gotten an older version’ and then asked if we ‘bought it at RadioShack’. In fact it was the latest model, and I had bought it online.

    Needless to say, I was pissed off. Blatant false advertising, a dud gift, and I was out $100 because I couldn’t ship it back as the return period had expired. No more Ambient Devices products for me, ever.

    I still have the useless piece of crap somewhere in my closet. Maybe I’ll curbstomp it when I get home.

  12. gotchababy05 says:

    When I was a newlywed, I was so proud of my Pamper Chef can opener. It made all the edges of the can smooth and had a little gizmo that lifted the lid off of the can.

    One night, I was making clam linguine for my hubby, and as the pasta was getting al dente, I went to open the can of the clams. And I couldn’t. Neither one of us could get the damn can open with that can opener.

    We ended up going next door to the neighbors for a “normal” can opener so that I could continue making dinner!


  13. haineux says:

    OK, here’s my Suckiest Gadget Story, which happens to be about a vacuum cleaner, even.

    ONCE UPON A TIME, for a short time, I lived with a girlfriend who had some seriously insane cats. Most of the time, I’d just see crazy glowing laser eyes glaring out at me from under a couch, or behind a plant. Once in a while, though, they’d plop down near me, just beyond arm’s reach, and act like they wanted to be petted. But when I’d reach over, no matter how carefully, they’d give me the “do not want” face and zoom out of the room, Road Runner dust swirls and everything.

    The good news is that they weren’t allowed in the bedroom, and their litter box was in the second bathroom. Also, my clothing was never shredded nor “marked.” So although I was getting no Cat Value, I wasn’t paying any major Cat Penalty either.

    Well, all this changed shortly after my girlfriend borrowed my vacuum cleaner. I had one of those indestructible old vacuums — made of some kind of avocado-colored miracle plastic in the Sixties, it weighed as much as a five-year-old. I was not overly fond of it, because it was ugly and never worked all that well, but it seemed utterly unstoppable, so I never bothered to replace it. So on I went through life with an indestructible, loud, heavy, ancient, ugly, boring, not very good vacuum cleaner, and so I was just as happy to have it at her place as mine.

    She put it in the second bathroom. The one where the cat box was. And there was nothing wrong with that, until one fateful day when she was cleaning the cat box.

    Now, at that point in time, clumping cat litter was a pretty fresh idea, and most brands were labelled “flushable.” My girlfriend was pretty careful, scooping out just the used clumps of litter, and carefully flushing them a few at a time. Until one day, when the inevitable happened. She flushed the litter, but it didn’t go down the drain. Nor did it just sit there, with a bowl full of water. No, litter and sewage started backing up and it looked like they weren’t going to stop. So she grabbed the vacuum cleaner hose, and jammed it deep into the bowl….

    When I showed up a few hours later, she immediately apologized for killing my vacuum cleaner. Obviously, I had a quick look to see if this were possible.

    When I turned on the vacuum for a moment, the unmistakable acrid smell of burning electrical insulation came forth, followed immediately by smoke. I lifted up the cleaner off the floor, flipped it over, and a few flames flickered momentarily. Strangely, the vacuum seemed to weigh twice as much as it usually did!

    Disassembly revealed that the entire vacuum chamber was filled with a hardened, concrete-like substance made of clumped litter and cat feces. Even the hose and the bag chamber were caked with this heinous concrete. There was no way this vacuum was ever sucking again.

    At first she was relieved that I wasn’t mad, but had to be reassured that I was not laughing at her but rather at the circumstances of the death of the loud, heavy, ancient, avocado-colored, boring, supposedly indestructible vacuum cleaner.

  14. Domestic Engineer In Training says:

    I have no idea if I can compete with you clever peeps, but I’ll try.

    oh why…
    do I buy more
    than I should?
    Usually, it’s a gadget
    and it’s always the baddest
    that either cuts my hands
    makes me cuss
    or puts my children into a fuss.
    The biggest cut I did receive
    was from my newest Pampered Chef dream.
    It sliced my apples, that was for sure
    but it took me to the hospital for stitches and made me sore.

    But oh, yes, I do always buy more
    I bought a stand up mixer
    that covered my shirt in a cookie like spritzer
    because it wouldn’t mix gently like it said it would
    if I just pressed the button for processing food.

    The next gadget was my Dyson
    it never loses suction! said the man next to the bison
    so I bought the thing assuming the best
    but all I do now is pull out hair the size of a nest
    from the botoom of my vacuum
    that always loses suction.

  15. momatpeace says:

    I have naturally curly hair — if you have naturally curly hair and you want it to stay that way… in order to dry your hair quickly — so you can go outside in the morning with out forming icicles on your hair, these winterly mornings…then you need to use a blow dryer to dry your hair.

    BUT — not JUST a blow dryer… but a blower dry with a diffuser attached to it. Well, well, well… I bought one of them there fancy diffusers. One size fits all it says right on the box.


    My diffuser is too small for my hair dryer apparently. When I push it on — it slowly slides, and slides, until it gathers enough momentum to POP — bounce off the blow dryer and slam into my head — or face — or across the room. Which ever direction I happen to be pointing the blow dryer at the moment it gathers enough steam to POP off!!

    Very irritating indeed. Rather sucky if you ask me. One size fits all… psssaw.

  16. suedawg says:

    I think my suckiest gadget experience has to be my Maytag Neptune washing machine. We bought it in 1998, not long after they first debuted. We loved the idea of the energy savings of a front-loading washer, and I liked that I could safely wash my handwashable clothes in it. After about a year, however, we started noticing that our towels and clothes had a horrible MILDEW smell in them. We tried cleaning the washer as described in the manual (bleach, etc.), and we always left the door open when we weren’t using it. Nothing helped. Then we found out that there was a class action lawsuit against Maytag because so many other people were having the same problem. We put the machine on the curb and bought a different brand. Our LG machine (also front-loading) has performed better, but we still occasionally smell mildew on our clothes. After doing some research I found out that you should not use fabric softeners in front-loading machines, and you should not use as much detergent (even if it’s the He type) as recommended on the detergent bottle. Buyer beware!!

  17. Peter S. Conrad says:

    I was so happy when I finally bought my brand-new iBook. Early in the warranty period, I had to send it in because the hard drive had died and it wouldn’t boot. Understandable, I guess. It happens.

    Then the logic board died, so I sent it to Texas again. I’ve had several laptops, and the iBook was the only one I have ever had to send back for repair–and here I was sending it in a second time!

    Then the computer finally seemed to be working…until fairly late in the warranty period, when it started to act a little strange. I called Apple and described the problem to them. They didn’t have an immediate answer, couldn’t tell me if it was a hardware problem or a software problem.

    A couple days after my warranty expired, the logic board died again. Even though I had started telling them about the problem before the end of the warranty period, they decided that since the logic board had technically failed outside of the warranty period there was nothing they could do.

    My head hung low, I took my iBook to 1-800-We-Fix-Macs and paid about $600 to get the logic boards replaced.

    It came to light that there was actually a design flaw in certain motherboards on certain iBooks–and mine fell within the range of serial numbers. Apparently, Apple had become aware of this problem around the time mine was in for repair, but had replaced the (broken, flawed) logic board with another flawed (not yet broken) logic board anyway. I brought this to their attention, and they told me to send it in. I explained that I had already had it fixed, and they told me that in that case there was nothing they could do because I had not taken it to an authorized Apple repair facility. The only way to get it fixed at an authorized Apple repair facility, by the way, is to ship it to Apple’s repair department in Texas.

    After about 2 weeks of arguing with them on the phone, I persuaded them to give me about $300 in credit at the Apple online store. So they sort of split the cost with me, eventually.

    Then the power supply died. I mean, stopped emitting electricity into the plug that plugs into the iBook, and instead started emitting electricity onto the floor in the form of sparks!

    My iBook, within about a year and a half, had managed to go through 3 logic boards, 2 hard drives, and 2 power supplies.

    But wait–there’s more.

    The little iBook came with a little 20GB hard drive. Not a lot of space, especially with my iTunes music collection. So I bought an external USB drive for my music, copied the iTunes folder over, and told iTunes the new location of the music. “Great,” iTunes said, “would you like me to organize that the same way it was in the old location?” I agreed–it sounded like a good idea, and I didn’t see how iTunes could steer me wrong.

    What iTunes did was to randomly rename all the files and folders–so, you click on a file called “Frank_Sinatra_My_Way.mp3″ and it might start playing something by Frank Zappa–or the Beatles–and of course that mp3 file might be in a folder called “Thomas Dolby”. There was no longer any way to know what was what!

    During the time that I owned the Mac, it cost me time and money in repairs, broke down frequently, ruined my entire music library–and when it was not actually broken, it crashed frequently if I had the audacity to actually use Safari to browse the web. But it sure was pretty.

    The 3rd hard drive died last year, so it’s just a pretty brick now.

  18. geekchyk says:

    When we bought our house ten years ago, I insisted on buying a Rainbow vacuum. With two boys and a dog, I figured it would be an excellent investment.

    Of course, a new Rainbow is also an -expensive- investment, so we opted to buy a used one off Ebay from some lucky soul who bought a house with central vac (the only reason anyone ever sells a Rainbow). It was old when we bought it, and now it’s ten years older.

    We have a roommate in our spare room, and he was using the Rainbow in his room. You put water in the bottom basin, assemble the canister, and away you go — or so he thought. After a few minutes, he fetched me to show me the brown gunk being sprayed all over his room by the vacuum. Why yes, the carpet was ivory; how did you know? Yes, the walls and door were white! How lovely to have brown watery gunk all over everything!

    We went to work cleaning up the mess left by the vacuum (worse than the mess he started with, naturally), and since I’m not familiar with troubleshooting the Rainbow, the roomie stuck the entire canister in a large cooler to contain the nasty brown spray while he finished vacuuming.

    Only after hubby got home did we figure out that there’s a doohickey that roomie didn’t screw into the bottom of the canister that prevents the nasty brown spray. D’oh!

    Thanks, Rainbow… but tell me, why is there only one color — BROWN — in my Rainbow?

  19. Mag says:

    We bought a vaccum last year at Wal*Mart, a new fangled “bagless” sort. My husband got so mad at me for vaccumming up something with a hint of moisture in it causing dust to stick all over the filtration system. Generally, a very mild-mannered person, he slammed the plastic device onto the garage floor, and…broke my vaccum. I hated that vaccum. I hate bagless systems. I hate cleaning the dust out of my “de-dusting” vaccum. A bagless system is the dumbest idea known to man. Who wants to touch their dust? We are removing whatever %!!!! GREAT! Then, we have to bang and clean with warm soapy water two or three containers to GET the % out of the vaccum. How stupid is that?

    Well, that’s all I have to say about bad vaccuums.

    I don’t even know how to spell the word. Whoever invented a word you can’t spell without looking it up every time. Okay, one c, two Us, one M. I’ll still have to look that up next time.

    Can you improve on that, too?

  20. HolleyM says:

    Have you ever had one of those days….? You know when every vacuum cleaner belt you put on burns up and puts black marks on your ivory carpet. And the leaky bag blows dirt and dust right back where you just vacuumed. Then the burning smell overpowers all the bowls of potpouri and glade plugs-ins you can dig up to overpower the burning smell. So your house is now dirtier and smellier than it was before you started cleaning. Then you throw your vacuum cleaner in the van and drive like a mom turned NASCAR driver to the store where you bought the vacuum cleaner and tell them,”I don’t have my receipt but this thing is a piece of junk and I want my money back.” Something in your eye tells them not to argue. They just place the money on the counter and back away. Then you drive directly across the street to the Oreck store and say,”I don’t care how much it costs, I want one of your vacuum cleaners. You know- the best vacuum cleaner on the face of the earth.” A sense of relief immediately comes over you as you drive home knowing that you’ll never have another day like this one.

  21. Marilyn says:

    I really can’t compete with the dramatic storytelling abilities of the others. I can tell you that it’s a circus when I vacuum around this place. The old vacuum cleaner, great in its heyday, is giving out on me. It’s given me the best 12 years that it can. I just have to be careful to vacuum first-dust later due the the stuff this contraption throws back into the environment. We do have a great filter on the furnace/air system, but it really becomes a dog chasing its tail around here. I guess it could actually be compared to a juggler since I was using the circus comparison above, but I just know that the vacuum cleaner is dying. I hear it gasping for air itself each time I use. Have pity on both of us! :D

  22. ziggswife says:

    My husband will probably kill me when he finds out that I told this story; but if we win a vacuum, it will be worth it!!!!!!!

    In 1982 we were young marrieds with a tiny baby. My husband got a Christmas bonus from the tiny church he was pastoring and he was so excited to spend it. Having a tiny baby and not much money; I had my own visions about how we would spend that cash. I was working at Target at the time and we were elligible for a 10% discount on our purchases and each of us had a little discount card for that purpose. So dh took all that money and his discount card to Target and bought himself a Texas Insruments TI99/4A computer. you geeks)
    That baby cost more than $300 dollars if I remember correctly. He bought the computer, a joystick and some games (extras not included in the $300 price tag… I was SO MAD; I’m sure I didn’t speak to him for days. He was so excited about this computer and bragged about it to anyone who would listen; showed it to everyone. Now remember, this was 1982 and who knew then that computers would be so important in our lives in 10 – 15 years?? Anyway, a few weeks after he bought all this stuff, TI stopped making this computer, and would no longer support it, either. And how does Target fit in?
    I was watching everyone in Ft. Wayne, IN get these stupid machines for $50!! I had to ring them up!! That piece of junk moved with us for probably 8 of our 13 moves and would come up in our fights over the next several years before I finally forgave him. It makes us laugh now, but it sure wasn’t funny at the time.

  23. mbrinson says:

    The “Tweezie”:
    This is embarrassing, but my story may save someone else, so here goes, my tale of personal grooming woe.

    I should have known that any gadget with the “As seen on TV” warning label would be a nightmare in action. I should never have bought anything advertised in between daytime TV programming and “Head-on” commercials. Vanity and the effects of mind-rotting programming got the better of me, I admit it.

    The woman in the commercial looked so happy while using the hair removal tool. She was calm and not wincing one little bit while applying this tool to her upper lip (on closer inspection, you will notice that it is not actually turned ON as she is doing this). While I am not an overly hairy woman, good personal grooming is very important to me, and if I could save some time, well, why not?

    I will be more than happy to tell you “Why Not” in graphic detail. I ordered the thing off of Amazon (the only intelligent decision in this whole transaction, as they thankfully took the thing right back), and it arrived within a few days in that horrible plastic packaging that requires more than four different tools to break into, and once removed will never go back into again…

    I put in the batteries and prepared for a smooth upper lip. I turned it on, and was alarmed by the fact that is sounded nothing like the personal grooming devices my husband used (they are loud enough, but this was something else altogether). It sounded more like a Husqvarna chain saw. It shook like one, too.

    The strange metal spinning disks that were supposed to grab those little hairs and tear them off your face rotated with what seemed like a bit too much power and speed; too much for a few whispy hairs. I am not in need of a hand-held garden weasel, for goodness sake.

    Despite my misgivings, I felt I had to try this thing, so I breathed deeply, screwed my courage to the sticking place, and applied the business end to by face. Nothing. Nothing! For all that gnashing and grinding, not one hair was removed.

    I thought maybe I was doing it wrong. I actually broke down and read the directions, did exactly what they said, and not one little hair was yanked off my face. My ears were ringing from the noise, but not one hair removed.

    At this point I should have given up, but no, not me. I paid good money for this thing, and a hair was coming off! I stood right in front of the mirror, got a few hairs perfectly lined up and forced them between the whirling pinch-disks. All those little hairs were yanked out with phenomenal force. Immediately, as if an ocular levy broke, my eyes poured out water and an angry red welt raised up on my face.

    After a few minutes of controlled breathing I was able to recover my composure and packed up this torture device back into the box it was shipped in, and returned it to Amazon. It was in my house for less than four hours, and that was four too long.

    I hope this helps you learn a valuable lesson. Always let your friends try these things first. Then you can avoid the needless expense and have something like this to mock them with for years to come!

  24. mood4amelody says:

    I was nineteen years old, I had a child to support, and I was selling vaccuum cleaners. Risking redundancy here – life was not going so well. So what are ya gonna do? Chin up, soldier! Yeah…. right…

    I reach my appointment. Yes, it’s out in B.F.E. For those of you who have never been to B.F.E. don’t go there. Unless you have to attend a good kegger party, a survivalist compound, or a K.K.K. rally. Other than that, B.F.E. is to be avoided at all costs.

    The entire family is in attendance in their lovely home to hear my well-rehearsed speil… along with their beautiful wood flooring. “Geez!” I’m thinking. Can this get any better?” Oh, of course it can! Still the optimist, I stress the ability to purify the air, clean the cushions on the furniture, and all those wonderful little things.

    The family loves the vaccuum so far, there’s just that little nagging problem of those wood floors! Well, this next little demonstration is going to win them over. I’m just sure of it! Wood floors and all!

    So, I get out my mason jar and ask for the water… “Water?” The anticipation builds. Yes, water. Telling them to be prepared for a demonstration of how much their hard wood floors would benefit, did nothing to prepare any of us for the fact that instead of being on “suck”, the thing was on “BLOW”! I produced a fountain the size of Ole Faithful for them right in the middle of their living room.

    I must say that I had never generated so much excitement before during a demo. I hope to God that I never do again!

  25. krosebud84 says:

    @ #6: Ditto. This is the line that had me in tears:

    “It topples over, lays there writhing a moment, and then proceeds to tear off its own leg.”

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