“Oh hella shit, boys, my new motherboard is off limits.”
“Do you mean that it does not conform to industry standards making it unsuitable for interoperability with other PC hardware?”
“No, I mean that it has snake truck.”
This motherboard renders space motorcycles so fast that your monitor can only display the tailpipes.
“Hey guys are you sure it’s okay to make an orbital platform out of garden hose?”
“Shhhhkkkk…krrssshhh…I am a spaceman, over. Do you read I am in space now.”
BEHOLD! WHERE ONCE WERE PANTS NOW ONLY WIZARD SHAME!
This is basically the same outfit I wear to speed-dating sessions.
This card comes complete with a liter of ayahuasca and a time-limited demo of All Your Life’s Mistakes, Joel, Yes You 3D (Windows-only).
The sad thing about the Bikini War of 2078 was that all human females had evolved perfectly T-shaped pelvises, leaving the Power Pooch wearable by only a select few.
Oh, hey. Didn’t see you there. I was out flying this steel-belted radial out to farm some sweet space nugs. This may sound crazy, I know, but maybe you could come back to my hanger and we can… Oh, sure. No, I understand.
And the award for the best mainboard goes to…MAINBOARD.
I don’t know what sort of technology it takes to incapacitate a robot with bordeom, but Sapphire has done it. Sold.
This box is actually fine. By modern standards it is downright demure. Spaceships are the Helvetica of motherboard box art design.
Hey. Asshole. This videocard made a robot jizz bullets. On Mars. Think you can… No, you can’t. Fuck you.
BONUS GALLERY: AWFUL SOFTWARE INTERFACES
“Is Virus Barrier X5 counting?”
“Let me check.”
In fairness, one shouldn’t expect a company named “Razer” to have a software panel that isn’t white-on-black and shaped like a food tray from Alternate Earth Wendy’s.
“What does our application do? That’s right: it measures. And what else measures? Bingo: bathroom scale. And is the most high-tech way to step on a scale? Fuck yes it’s Dr. Scholls Massaging Gel insoles. Give that man a gold star. Also: airplanes go fast. Let’s make this happen, people.”