K2 Porcupine Light makes flashlights even more blinding
You can do a lot of damage with a simple flashlight. One solid swing, connected with the occipital lobe, is enough to detach retinas, and I can tell you from first hand experience there's just nothing funnier than watching a burglar blindly stumbling around your house, his tongue protruding, his eyes wildly googling in their sockets. "Hey honey! Kids! Check it out! Its Cookie Monster!" you can cry out. With peals of delight, encourage your loved one to toss Oreos at the would-be home invader, making moist, mocking "Nom nom nom" noises with your mouths all the while. What might have been a horrific tragedy becomes a midnight comedy!
Yes, its a wonderful invention, the flashlight: giver of light, friend of shadow puppets, entertainer of children and enemy to prowlers, zombies and Draculas. But sometimes a flashlight just isn't deadly enough. Enter the K2 Porcupine Light, a powerful "eye-blinding" 70 lumens flashlight with retracting spikes near the bulb, perfect for jabbing into an ocular cavity and twisting with all your might. Or just for performing that impromptu midnight colostomy during a midnight power outage. See? Flashlights are useful to pacifists too.
For $129, though, you might just be better duct taping razor blades to the edge of your Eveready.
K2 Porcupine Light [Pentagon Light via OhGizmo]
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Lee was our school psycho, a mantle foisted on him by fate more than choice, but one that he grudgingly wore. He wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, a lower-middle class kid from a typically complicated midwestern suburban family, who had the misfortune to discover a dead body in the woods behind a local elementary school. I asked Lee about it once when we were older and he told me about finding the old man face down in the creek on a frosty afternoon. Lee was pretty sure he was just an old man who had wandered too far away from home, perhaps from senility, perhaps because he felt his time was nigh and wanted to face down eternity with his bare feet in a cold creek instead of in a stainless steel hospital bed.
It wasn't Lee's fault, but he became the Guy Who Found the Dead Body. And as middle schoolers will chitter, legends began to circle Lee. Maybe the guy was alive when Lee found them, some whispered, and he held him down in the mud until his bare legs stopped kicking. Or perhaps Lee found the body days before and did all sorts of strange things to it. Just poked it with a stick at first, but then who knew?
Of course the truth was much less remarkable: Lee ran out of those gully woods and told the cops.
But the damage was done. Perhaps a more truly devious kid could have recovered from the bumps and scrapes of lunchroom gossip. Lee started wearing black heavy metal t-shirts, stopped washing his hair, and started giving gawkers the stink eye. Soon he started to amass a collection of petty weaponry: blunt axes, $5 switchblades, a couple of those strip-mall replica swords that could probably do some damage if you really put your weight into a thrust but were kept dull enough to safely hang over entertainment centers and occasionally twirl drunkenly over your head.
There was talk that Lee had a gun. Perhaps he did, but he was a bit of a braggart by the time we started working together in the kitchen of our local McDonald's and I suspect he'd have flashed it a couple times had he actually owned one. Or maybe he kept it locked up at home, confident his reputation would shield him from any real danger.
Our sophomore year, chance glanced Lee again. Pointless construction had clogged our high school since we'd arrived, leading to gas leaks and a greenhouse that faced North — towards the driveway through which proud parents dropped off their kids — instead of South.
In the quiet back half of a study hall, Lee got up to use the bathroom. As he walked towards the classroom door, a three-foot length of iron pipe wide enough to pass a softball slipped through the suspended ceiling and into Lee's empty chair, dropped by a construction worker working above. It ruined the folded metal chair.
It should have been Lee's anointing, but it only added to the swirling mistrust the rest of the students felt for him. Lee, who had seen a dead body years before, had now thwarted death itself. As a troop we gave Lee a wide, unfair berth, although who's to say he'd notice after so many years sitting apart?
He didn't mind all that much, I think. If nothing else, it gave him a role to play that wasn't without its benefits. Not like poor Jamie, who was caught — apocryphally — in a bathroom stall with a hot dog, the shame of which forced him to change school districts. No, Lee would sit in the back of class, occasionally lofting out a joke that might have not have been terrifying from anyone else, and kept his backpack and its portentously benign contents close.
Lee would love this flashlight.
In England we still call these torches.
This always seems to amuse Americans.
for anyone looking for a high-powered tactical-grade flashlight i would suggest surefire http://www.surefire.com/maxexp/main/co_disp/displ/pgrfnbr/16/sesent/00
i own a G2 and will probably be purchasing the E2D soon. They are incredibly powerful and seem far more reasonably priced. (the 6p defender appears to be the same as the flashlight in this post but about half the price) They are incredibly rugged too. Ive used mine as a hammer and underwater. I really had no need to do either of those things... i just wanted to stress test it. sweet.
For an even better defensive light, try this:
http://www.tigerlight.net/
Blindingly-bright flashlight (rechargable too), combined with pepper spray. I have one of the early models. It is definately bright, and will light up the side of a house from three block away.
Wow, that Tigerlight.net site is actually pretty rad!
This encroaching police state is a proud supporter of NASCAR.
(Seriously though it does look like an amazing product, which would make things a lot easier fo rpolice officers and soldiers. I just get nervous about the pepper spray being used all the time.)
I love flashlights. Is there a more useful human invention? The first thing I did when I got up this morning was to take one of several hand-crank rechargeables that I own, disassemble it and change all of its LEDs to ultraviolet ones. I now have a UV flashlight.
Because I'm a nerd.
People plan to defend themselves with flashlights? This is an actual thing?
There's a whole flashlight culture I apparently know nothing about...
best yawara are objects that don't even remotely look like weapons. You have to think of the trial later.