Rent a HAL robot suit for $1000

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Nebbish and sunken-chested, a spindly and asthmatic ectomorph, I've long looked forward to exoskeleton technology. I'm sick of having sand kicked into my face by bullies at the beach as I pursue a dim chance at the reproductive act; an exo-skeleton will even the score by allowing me to confront all of the mesomorphic jerks who torment my life on their own brawny terms and, thus confronting them, hit them so hard they ejaculate their central nervous systems. In the 1940s, we had Charles Atlas; in the double oughts of the new Millennium, we have robot suits made out of titanium. Until now, though, exoskeletons were far too expensive to bother with. Cyberdyne's HAL (Hybrid Assistive Limb) Exoskeleton, though, looks well within reach. The suit itself is able to enhance the average user's strength ten-fold. Better yet, Cyberdyne is saying that they will have 40--500 suits available for rent by the end of the year... for the scant price of $1,000 per month. If that's really the price, we're totally getting one... Cyberdyne [Official Site via Bot Junkie]
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20 Responses to Rent a HAL robot suit for $1000

  1. Ceronomus says:

    Is anyone else worried that this comes from Cyberdyne? I mean, we all know that The Terminator models have to already be on the drawing board.

  2. se7a7n7 says:

    Is this a joke? Cyberdyne? HAL?

    Did this come from the Onion?

  3. jrishel says:

    so… is James Cameron going to sue them for prior art?

  4. mightymouse1584 says:

    still lacking in jetpacks

  5. desp says:

    Nebbish and sunken-chested, a spindly and asthmatic ectomorph…

    I think you’re trying a wee bit too hard.

  6. Halloween Jack says:

    I’ll believe it when I see it. Of course, if it does become real, I’ll have to steal one and fight crime in it.

  7. dove says:

    seriously? HAL?

    who in their right mind would actually buy and use one?

  8. dculberson says:

    John, your writing can be even stranger than Joel’s. And that’s saying a lot.

  9. Enochrewt says:

    There’s really a Cyberdyne that builds robots? And they named it HAL? Do they really expect to have ANY customers?

  10. O_P says:

    Seconding comments from #5 and #8, John, your writing style is extraordinarily annoying to read for a gadget blog. All the extra words and wild tangents get in the way of the interesting parts of the article.
    I only have to read the first two sentences to know it’s you who’s written the piece. If your style wasn’t so grating, this would be a wonderful thing. Instead, it makes me wonder why your writing for a gadget blog instead of for grumpy old man monthly (now with extra vocabulary).

  11. Joel Johnson says:

    You know, “you guys aren’t writing like other gadget blogs” isn’t really the sort of criticism that’s going to keep me up at night.

  12. dculberson says:

    Woah, woah, woah… I didn’t say it was grating in the least. My comment was actually meant as a compliment.

    John, I apologize profusely. Please revise my comment #8 in your head to read:

    John, your writing can be even stranger than Joel’s. And that’s awesome.

  13. John Brownlee says:

    Thanks, D, but honestly, even if it was a criticism, that’s well within your right and I wouldn’t hold it against you.

    But man, I want to hear more about this Grumpy Old Man Monthly O.P. says is hiring. As a freelancer, I could always use another outlet to try to sell my particular brand of literary stylings to. It never even occurred to me that angry geriatrics would dig reading a story about how I’d use an exo-skeleton to beat up people until their limbic system was disengorged. Thanks for the tip, OP! I’ll send them my portfolio.

    And OP, lest you think I’m totally ignoring your points, “I read gadget blogs for the blind cut-and-pasting of technical specifications, not for [voice dripping with contempt] words and vocabulary” is certainly food for thought. I think we’ve all taken it on board. Thanks!

  14. dustbuster7000 says:

    I’m just amazed that people reading this blog are so jaded that the responses to the this article are: “You speak funny” and “Company have silly name”, instead of, say: “Holy shit, I can be a cyborg for less than its costs to rent a car?!” Or something of that order. Sure its early days with this thing, but I thought people who read gadget blogs actually *liked* gadgets. Guess I know better now. :)

  15. O_P says:

    I’m not saying I don’t like words. When I write, I use a lot of them too. But when you’re writing for a blog about gadgets and you wander off into telling a story about how you once contracted hepatitis in the jungles of north vietnam in the midst of an article about the latest sony camera it doesn’t make for a great segue.
    And when each article seemed to fit the same pattern of wandering off randomly and then getting back to the point it was getting a little irritating.

    But all your articles I’m reading now I really like, so it’s looks like you’ve taken it on board.

    I’ll go back to reading spec sheet porn now.

  16. John Brownlee says:

    OP, there are days where I will treat the subject matter that comes through more seriously than others. A day in which I feel more strongly about certain subjects (like blind people accessing the internet, or disposable DVDs, or what have you) doesn’t mean I’ve turned over a new leaf thanks to your irrefutable criticism. It simply means that when I am talking about things I have serious things to say about, I’ll say them seriously; when I am talking about things I feel can be treated lightly, I will treat them lightly.

    Ultimately, as a writer, the best I can do is handle the day’s subjects in the way that is most interesting for me to write, in the hopes that that way will also be the most interesting for people to read. What that means for you guys is, over time, an ultimately equal mixture of serious commentary, profane rambling and bizarre anecdotes, from all of us. But trying to write in a far different format from current gadget blogs is the new M.O. of BBG: we want to be a gadget blog that even people who don’t like gadget blogs want to read. You may not like that format, but that’s the way it’s going to be.

  17. Dustin Driver says:

    John Brownlee, your writing is inspiring and the most fun I’ve had in months. Keep it up, I LOVE the tangents and the dense vocabulary—spread liberally like chunky jam on dry toast.

  18. Anonymous says:

    “mesomorphic jerks”

    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

  19. Anonymous says:

    I remember the bad guy from Blazing Saddles going off on a loquacious monologue with his less verbal henchman staring at him open-mouthed in amazement. When the boss had finished, the henchman said “I’ll be damned if you don’t use your mouth purtier than a ten dollar whore!”.

  20. Anonymous says:

    I didn’t think it was real so I did some searching. I found a site that has videos of a bunch of different types of models that are being developed around the world. The site name was Now I really think this thing will be wide-spread in about 5-10 years max.

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