Look no further than the frat house to see how standards of measurement fluctuated when trousers are dropped and rulers brandished. Do you measure when flaccid or aroused? Do you only measure what can be plausibly crammed into an orifice, or is it okay to start one-inch past the o-ring? And, if the latter, why not take the lymphatic system into account while you’re at it to gain another few precious yards?
Yes, until the International Metric Consortium finally releases their contentious, long-promised standardization of phallus measuring protocols, the size of one’s genitalia will always be nebulous. But until that day comes, The Final Say Penis Measuring Kit aims to settle all disputes, marketing itself as “the world’s first and only kit with the patent pending PHALLUMEASURE inside.”
Expect to see our intensive hands-on video review on BBG in the coming weeks. Also, that classy “TPS” icon on their site needs to be turned into an embeddable widget, stat.
The Final Say Penis Measuring Kit [Size of a Man]
Posted in: TOOLS
(snort)
But it only goes up to 9 inches.
If I use this, can I put the information into a TPS report?
Final say? Ha. It only measures length and girth. Real men measure actual cubic displacement.
Actually, Skep, this would give a pretty reasonable estimate of actual cubic displacement, a.k.a. volume:
Girth is the circumference of the penis – divide by pi to get the diameter, then use the equation (pi*D^2)/4 to get the area and multiply by length.
Voila, the estimated volume of your penis is in hand!
I do hope the ‘package’ carries measuring advice such as the following:
The angle of dangle is given
By the throb of the knob. It’s driven
By the heat of the meat,
As a function discrete:
Get it on, or get off (then get shriven!)
or
The Angle of the dangle
In direct proportion to the heat of the meat
Causes the size of the rise
And the mass of the ass
To remain constant
Also @1 you beat me to it; excellent call.
it’s not the size of the hard drive, it’s the compression.
Yes, a good estimate assuming a perfect cylinder, which is why I differentiated by saying “actual cubic displacement” as opposed to a calculated estimate. Yea Archimedes!
#2, more interestingly(?), it goes down to 1/2″.
#3, of course, just be sure to use the correct cover sheet. You did get the memo, right?
Why this comment after 5 months?
I came here from this thread, where this issue (needlessly) became a matter of life and death.