Bottoms Up padded men's underwear

I have a big, beautiful rump. It is my blessing, making long flights tolerable, bringing joy to nuns when I wax-on and wax-off outside their cloister, and earning beer money when I rent myself out as a supine human trampoline at birthday parties. (Call my agent for details.) Yet it is also my curse: I've paid thousands to the families of traumatized tailors; shooed spry adventurers and their bamboo poles from my cleavage as they harvest swallows' nests for soup; weathered barbs from Japanese whalers.

I caution: Enter into any gluteus maximizing scheme with full knowledge of the consequences.

If you are ready to your behind forward — and are 18 years of age and pass the mental fitness evaluation — "Bottoms Up," a Canadian retailer, is selling these padded briefs for men with a naming scheme derived from American football for $40, plus shipping. Toss in one of their "Crotch Pads" while you're at it for counterbalancing (and an easy up-sell for the nuns).

Product Page [BottomsUp.ca via Brandish]

[#1 posted by George Curious , June 2, 2008 6:51 AM]

Wait...what?

[#2 posted by License Farm , June 2, 2008 7:23 AM]

I, too, reap the benefits and hassle of having a healthy tush, though it's somewhat mitigated since I started working out regularly. I get to point and laugh at friends who are just utterly lacking, wondering what keeps their pants up. I may never quite fit in with the hipster skinny-pants types, but at least I've got something for my partner to grab ahold of in the throes of lovemaking. I suspect we'll hear more stories of false advertising along the lines of padded bras and falsies from disappointed types.

[#3 posted by Enochrewt , June 2, 2008 7:50 AM]

Why didn't I think of this? Oh yeah, I'm not trying to bilk insecure suckers for their money.

Maybe I should though.

[#4 posted by nehpetsE , June 2, 2008 3:16 PM]

I can't help thinking they should make the product more functional by incorporating some of this technology.

http://www.shopinprivate.com/flatfarfilun.html

[#5 posted by Antinous , June 2, 2008 3:53 PM]

So...BB got back?

[#6 posted by Anonymous , June 2, 2008 7:10 PM]

Hmm, has anyone else read Aldous Huxley's Antic Hay? The main character quits his job to design pants with an inflatable bladder in their seat to provide extra comfort for the 'office-bound gentleman'.

No takers in the 30's though.

[#7 posted by johnnyliu , July 14, 2008 11:02 AM]

There are some other alternatives. For those in the US and the Los Angeles area, try http://www.mjcshop.com! They have some great underwears (they feel great) for men AND women. I own a pair of the men's and they are great. No, I don't work for this company. I just like thier products!

[#8 posted by romeo , October 15, 2008 9:12 PM]

I just saw an article in Men's Fitness about Silicone Body and their Package Booster.

http://www.siliconebody.com/The-Package-Booster

This s* looks funny. Anyone tried that yet?