For $180, the Unbreakable Umbrella advertises a precipitation shielding system that is not only nigh-invulnerable enough to support the body weight of an Ian Holm look-alike, but which is also strong enough to smash open a human skull like a watermelon.
Our Unbreakable Umbrella has no unusual parts, no more metal than an average umbrella, it does not arouse suspicion, can be carried legally everywhere where any weapons are prohibited, unlike a walking stick it does not cause strange looks if carried by an able-bodied person, and it does protect from rain. Anyone who can use a stick for defense can use this umbrella.
Do you know how to swing a baseball bat? Do you know how to strike with a sturdy stick? If you do, you know all you need to know…
…to beat a man clean to death with an umbrella. Any umbrella, in point of fact.