ASUS’ new MATRIX GPUs are like (but not to be confused with) The Matrix

asusanything.jpg

This may be the strangest wording I’ve ever seen in a press release. From the $10-per-hour corporate copy monkeys of ASUS’ PR department, to announce their new MATRIX series of graphics cards:

Taipei, Taiwan, June 26, 2008 – ASUS, producer of top quality graphic solutions, has today introduced the world’s most intelligent graphics card with the ASUS ROG (Republic of Gamers) EN9600GT MATRIX/HTDI/512M. Much like a sci-fi movie where the protagonists can do just about anything, the ROG MATRIX Series will allow gamers to unleash the true power of graphics cards.

What sci-fi movie could they possibly be talking about? It couldn’t be the popular sci-fi movie, The Matrix, could it? Don’t be shy about saying so, ASUS: you already liked the movie enough to name your video card after it!

This is the sort of awkward, ugly wording that spurts its way, undigested, out of a company’s public relations colon when the directive from the top is, “Try to tie our new product into the Matrix, but in such a way it doesn’t honk off the licensing attorneys at Warner Bros.”

Weirdly, this isn’t the first time I’ve encountered this. In the excellent exergaming title Yourself! Fitness, one of the locations you can choose to work out in is a dojo. If you choose it, Maya — your plucky virtual trainer — remarks, “I love working out here. It always reminds me of that scene from that sci-fi movie. YOU KNOW the one I mean.” Warner Brothers’ legal team apparently causes bladder-evacuating terror across multiple industries.

Image: BESCHIZZA!

ASUS Launches World’s Most Intelligent Graphics Card [Far East Gizmos]

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4 Responses to ASUS’ new MATRIX GPUs are like (but not to be confused with) The Matrix

  1. certron says:

    I know kung-fu, but not so much the Photoshop.

    Right is left? Maybe the tiny computer is a left-handed model. Then again, maybe the person is a left-handed model.

    I’m not insane, right?

  2. Rob Beschizza says:

    It’s a glitch in the Matrix.

  3. historyman68 says:

    It’s like it was written by Herb and Jamaal.

  4. Lonin says:

    I literally LOL’d after seeing the hand in the picture and your response Rob.

    As for the press release itself, it also seems weird that I don’t see a single mention of Nvidia or Geforce; assuming that this is just Asus’s version of the 9600GT.

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