Tyrant Alarm annoys friends to wake you up
You may have noticed that alarm clocks did not make our list of perfect gadgets. There's a reason: they seem to barely work for most people, and blogdom's Library of Babel is filled with a million posts about "better" oneiros-shattering horologisms.
Novelty alarm clocks are a dime a dozen: ones that will conk you on the melon with a mallet, or scream that you're covered in spiders, or squirt the pheremonal excretions of Jessica Alba's vulva directly into both nostrils (or worse, Olympia Dukakis). It's all rather fun, but let's get real: all it takes to get out of bed in the morning is a bit of will power. Unfortunately, the only invention mankind has ever dreamed that injects people with willpower is booze... a powerful soporific. But I digress.
The newest novelty alarm clock to hit all the design sites is the Tyrant Alarm, which starts randomly calling people in your mobile phone's contacts every three minutes until you wake up. Hit the snooze button? All of a sudden, your ex-girlfriend gets a call, begging her to come back. I'm sure you friends will just love being woken up at the crack of dawn to facilitate your getting out of bed. Which, of course, is the point... but seriously, just get out of bed. It's not that hard.
Alice Wang Tyrant Alarm [Josh Spear]
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You know, I'd like to see a post from you sometime that doesn't involve you belittling someone. Do you have some sort of self-esteem issues, John?
"Let's get real: all it takes to get out of bed in the morning is a bit of will power." ...maybe once you're awake. The alarm clock is to wake you up. Most of them don't do a very good job of it. I finally managed it by hooking my iphone up to some rather loud speakers and blasting music at a volume that would be decidedly uncomfortable anywhere but a rock concert.
Speaking from personal experience, as an adult, I've found alarm clocks to be almost vestigial in their usefulness. If I go to sleep at a reasonable hour my mind tends to wake me up at a pre-planned hour. It's as simple as mentally telling yourself "I want to wake up at 6 AM." And wouldn't you know it actually works? Or at least does for me.
Now what doesn't work is waking up and enjoying the peacefulness of a fresh morning. I'll be back asleep in an instant if I don't watch it. That's what's good about alarm clocks for me: they force my lazy ass to actually get up out of the bed.
Re "squirt the pheromonal..." - um, thanks for that.
John, I really have to agree with Narual (though perhaps less caustically).
Getting up takes a bit of mental effort... for you.
If it weren't that hard, would I have lost jobs ?
Granted, these are usually ones where I couldn't get to sleep the night before (my intermitant insomnia hasn't responded to any medication I've been prescribed).
John, I'd kill for your ability.
Though I guess that speaks more to my dissolute moral character and general sociopathy than anything else, but let me say, I'd like it.
As a congenital extreme night owl, I take offense to your notion of will power as the only thing separating me from productive people of the world who effortlessly rise at ungodly hours only to rush to congest the world's traffic arteries in a massive display of coordinated stupidity.
The point is, due to genetics, hormonal rhythms, technology and so forth, it is no easier for someone like me (who desires to be up until at least 2am and to sleep until at least 10am) to willfully adjust my sleep cycle than it is for a woman to, through sheer determination, will her menstruation to stop or obey her desired cycle. That being said, women can obviously affect their menstrual cycle through drugs, diet or other environmental factors, but no matter how much you implore a woman to mentally affect her menstrual cycle, it just wont happen. Same with me and my sleep; it is a hormonal and genetic thing that has been with me since I have been a conscious creature, and will likely persist until I die. I have come to rely on melatonin for allowing me to sleep when I desire (rather than when my body surrenders to unconsciousness, which has been known to involuntarily occur around 5 or 6am, regardless of the 9am important meeting) caffeine to remain awake during the hours I'd rather be asleep, and a multitude of alarm clocks blaring at me to awake at the inhuman hours desired by our society.
Waking up 'on time' (i.e. at the same time as everyone else) and the notion that conforming to slim notion of socially acceptable sleep patterns is merely desiring to do so, I find entirely false and equivalent to having gay people pray themselves straight, or women think themselves into a new menstrual rhythm. Our society operates over 24 hours, but for some reason our sleep/wake schedule persists on the same 19th century notion that only leads to wonderful inventions like rush hour gridlock and being fired from a job for being 'late' when your work is not dependent in the least on the time that you arrive.
In short, its their problem, not mine, that I am programmed to sleep in on a regular basis.
Ianm -- Look up Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. And ask your doctor for provigil, if your insurance will cover it (he might have to prescribe it for 'shift work disorder' which is basically the same problem, but for 'normal' people who work the night shift and can't reset their internal clocks for that). It doesn't fix the problem on its own, but it makes it a lot more bearable without having a sour stomach and jitters from coffee. And it helps a lot in combination with stuff like light therapy and melatonin for 'resetting' your clock... even if a single sleepless night will just screw it up later. :)
Vulva excretions? Let's rein it in there, big guy.
@6
I have the same genetic make-up. I have always been a night owl even as a child where I would lay in bed long after being sent to bed, secretly reading under the covers or listening to my clock radio.
But this does not mean that I require medication to get into (goose)step with the rest of the 9-5 population. In fact, I think the world as a whole is moving away from structured work-time. I know that I have never had to work 9-5 and I do quite well.
Anyone who works in a situation where their work is not time-contingent, and yet is required to "punch the clock" between Xam and Xpm, simply needs to find another job with younger and more progressively-minded people. Or work for him- or herself. As long as the work gets done it shouldn't matter.
I really resent the drive to medicate people into submission to mob rule.