Every flabby, pallid junior high dork found himself, at one point or another, gravitating towards an awkward mulleted sociopath as their best friend. The kind of buddy who dressed in nothing but crusty heavy metal t-shirts and liked to show his camaraderie by enthusiastically punching you in the stomach when you least expected it, or answering your tremulously worshipful questions with phrases like “What, are you retarded or something, douche?” or “Way to homo it up, gaylord.” Ah, good times.
For me, my own personal friendship with a misanthropic sociopath lasted long into adult hood, when said friend rewarded me for my years of omega male devotion by giving me a lucrative job writing about gadgets for a living. But even now, when I go over to his Brooklyn house for a few beers and a never-ending gauntlet of Indian burns and purple nurples, we end the night bonding over what brought us together in the first place: his astonishing war cabinet full of flea market weaponry of the most extravagant and implausible design. Weapons to command not just fear, but respect.
“Check this out, d-bag,” my friend will say, fitting a scorpion shaped knife to his wrist and polishing the sterling silver skull face with a filthy rag. “I once killed, like, thirty ninjas with this little byoot.”
I’d always wondered where I could get such highly lethal knives. My friend was never forthcoming about his “connections”, though. But as it turns out, you no longer have to buy them from a brown-toothed amputee flying a Confederate flag behind his fold-out table at the local flea market. Instead, that same brown-toothed amputee will sell them to you for less than $35 each over the Internet. These are the real deal, just like assassins, ninjas and presidential body guards use. I’m buying, like, ten. Now we’ll see who the wussy d-bag is, Joel. Not me!
Insane Wrist Knives are Scary Cheap [Nerd Approved]