Joel has sworn up and down that he's not going to buy an iPhone 3G today. "It can wait. The real hotness is 2.0" and "I'm busy moving this week. Don't have time." A little more than a year ago, he made the same claim about the original iPhone: "I'm pretty happy with my current phone" and "I'm going to wait for 3G."
How long did Joel's reserve of willpower last? All it took was a single instant message from one Ms. Xeni Jardin proclaiming the iPhone "rad" to send him sprinting his flabby blogger's frame down the block as he wildly tried to flag down a taxi, destination: "habbadegeebideeIPHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!"
Frankly, it was an embarrassment, and Joel should feel shame. Now it's a year later. Joel's considerably svelter, more confident. He has come up in the world. He's a bettter, more dynamic man. Surely his resolve won't wane so quickly this time. But in BBG's private channel, we can already see him sliding down that path again. Yesterday, Rob and I spent all day listening to him "review" iPhone 2.0 apps. There wasn't a single one he didn't refer to as "innovative" "amazing" or "game-changing." This included such programs as tip calculators, die-rolling simulations and a virtual abacus.
So how long until Joel's internal thought process goes something like this: "Man, that virtual abacus really is pretty dude. But imagine how much more wanktastic it would be with the power of 3G?"
My guess? If he gets to Saturday without one, he's going to start seeing dead babies crawling on the ceiling.
We're now taking all bets, measured in hours and minutes from the time the iPhone goes on sale this morning in Brooklyn. Soothsay in the comments! No fair guessing, Xeni.
Image: Bizarre first hit for 'Joel Johnson' in Flickr, courtesy of the great spaghetti communist, Camillo Miller
Update: Joel is emphatically denying he ever called either the virtual abacus or iPhone tipping calculator "innovative." Needless to say, if true, this new information might add hours to the time it takes for Joel to crumple into a mess of primal, unthinking consumerist impulses. You should adjust your bets accordingly.