McCain learning to use computers

October 19, 2011: a CIA operative under deep cover in the former United Kingdom is killed by the Lord Protector's agents, but in his dying moments manages to fire off a final warning with his 4G. It means the information — the assassin's identity and whereabouts — will arrive in only one place: President McCain's personal email account. It is his only hope.

President McCain, however, is blissfully unaware of the murderer's approach. When he tries to check his email, he ends up muttering angry verbal commands to the machine and waving the mouse around like a Nazi with mad cow disease. So he does not check his email. Fond of writing his own speeches, he is too busy oiling his Underwood Touchmaster 5 to notice that his secret service detail is curiously silent.

This is the exact scenario McCain is determined to avoid. Accordingly, he is learning to use computers. From the New York Times:

He said, ruefully, that he had not mastered how to use the Internet and relied on his wife and aides like Mark Salter, a senior adviser, and Brooke Buchanan, his press secretary, to get him online to read newspapers (though he prefers reading those the old-fashioned way) and political Web sites and blogs.
“They go on for me,” he said. “I am learning to get online myself, and I will have that down fairly soon, getting on myself. I don’t expect to be a great communicator, I don’t expect to set up my own blog, but I am becoming computer literate to the point where I can get the information that I need.”

McCain, says aide Mark Soohoo, is now aware of the Internet: Sir Walsingham has no chance of getting to him.

McCain... [NYT via Threat Level]

Discussion

Take a look at this

#1 posted by zuzu

, July 13, 2008 8:08 PM

This is journalism to you? ;)

p.s. Clearly computers are demonic. Even electricity is morally suspect.

#2 posted by searconflex , July 13, 2008 8:11 PM

oops... sorry, here's your r back.

#3 posted by searconflex , July 13, 2008 8:20 PM

Can someone please say something hilarious now.

#4 posted by Rob Beschizza

, July 13, 2008 8:21 PM

THIS IS JOURNALISM! Tomorrow: McCain to learn iPhone, steam-harpischord.

Also: Thanks for the r, I wondered where that had gone.

#5 posted by aarrgghh , July 13, 2008 8:47 PM

newest mccain talking point:

bush knows about "the google" — and i know even less.

#6 posted by pork musket , July 13, 2008 8:48 PM

I thought he was a cyborg anyway?

#7 posted by proto , July 13, 2008 8:51 PM

Cyborg? Naw, I saw him LOL out loud.

#8 posted by zuzu

, July 13, 2008 9:09 PM

Just because he has wooden teeth.

#9 posted by Anonymous , July 14, 2008 7:01 AM

Baby boomers...your time is over, it's our world now!

#10 posted by Anonymous , July 14, 2008 8:01 AM

I've been a professional programmer for the last 9 years. I will never vote Republican in my life. This is a NON-ISSUE for me with McCain. A good leader is someone who is talented with people, has a good education with other things and has certain kinds of judgment. There are tech advisers for other things. If Abraham Lincoln stepped out of a time machine today he wouldn't know how to use a computer either, but I would be happy to vote for GOP member Abraham Lincoln. However, McCain is no Abraham Lincoln. I have seen a number of gaffes that lead me to believe he is a tired stammering old man AND that he lacks the presidential qualities I mentioned. I don't care the he needs help reading getting his email

#11 posted by zuzu

, July 14, 2008 8:02 AM

Baby boomers won't relinquish control until they're fully satisfied that their culturally-cloned offspring are obediently fulfilling their charge.

"Don't let those cynical Gen-Xers take over!", they say, "remember: Community. Identity. Stability. Keep the system running!"

We've never needed A Young Lady's Illustrated Primer more than now.

#12 posted by zuzu

, July 14, 2008 8:10 AM

(Authoring an illustrated primer likely begins with discussing Joseph Campbell, David Hume, and Ivan Illich with Jane McGonigal.)