In the ascending cock-on-cock deli platter of meta-hipness that is an internet sneer-off, a casualty: some have questioned the essential sanguine nature of bacon. And not just bacon the object, but the notion of bacon. Professing a love for bacon is tiresome, they sigh; Bacon is good, but it’s not worthy of uncritical memetic sanctity.
There is a crumble of truth to be plucked from their affected audible rattle: like all elevatory seasonings, bacon-as-punchline should be used sparingly, part of a greater whole, not piled incongruously to redeem an otherwise bland concoction. Worse, its commodification, in cheap vinyl bacon wallets or these Chinese BBQ USB drives (which claim to be simply “pork”), turn a love for nature’s perfect fruit into a tawdry display sapped of any wonderfulness.
Will a bacon USB drive set a whole room alive with flavor as it grills, coating each nose hair with a greasy fob that keeps you company all day long? Will it lurk like a smokey kiss inside a salad or sandwich? Of course not. To memorialize bacon in plastic is as sensible as making a flash drive shaped like an orgasm.
But let it be heard: to know bacon is to know god. Hacked from the bellies of moderately sentient, crafty beasts, actual bacon stands with both choice cuts and pummeled scraps alike, bent with age and fire.
Seasoning! Entree! Reagent! From the swine’s bosom to yours, use it with abandon and passion, a wild affair that takes you to sweaty places you’d never imagined. Bacon is the meat of dreamers.
Speechless.
Holy. Shit.
You win 5 BacoNets.
The reason they just call it pork is because that is the delicious Chinese crispy pork.
MMMMMMM.
Though i must say as both a Canadian and one raised in a Chinese family that our way (bacon) wins hands down.
My first post! Been reading this blog for years now and finally made the jump.
Oops! way to make a first impression, my HTML was not formatted correctly! Here is the link to Chinese crispy pork.
Whiteops – neat! That’s my blog you just linked to. The Internet is a very small place.
It must be a good site because it came up first in a Google search of “Chinese Crispy Pork”! I am going to have to read more of your blog in the future.
I just realized that I decided to make my first ever post on Boing Boing a comment about pork/bacon, that is either awesome or very, very disturbing.
Nah – it’s awesome. Pork is the Internet protein of choice. Although I take exception to your idea that bacon somehow wins the porkwars – I’m a committed Chinese crispy pork enthusiast.
To memorialize bacon in plastic is as sensible as making a flash drive shaped like an orgasm.
I love you.
Well, I guess it is a matter of perspective. I grew up eating crispy pork on a fairly regular basis, where bacon was always considered a treat. I am rather an exception in several ways, I think, as I would choose a good meat and potatoes dinner to an Asian dish hands down, but again that would be due to frequency of consumption. But I do respect that both the crispy pork and Chinese BBQ pork will always have a place on my plate.
My Filipino girlfriend agrees with me whole-heartedly as well.