Cyborg-like shaving guard for goatee grooming

Although much reviled in the glamorous hirsutiary world, the goatee is perhaps the most useful form of facial hair. The cheeks and neck are exposed to cool air, leaving only the follicles around the mouth as food collecting tendrils. Think of a goatee as a portable, tongue-proddable buffet. Hungry? Stick out your tongue and discover the remnants of a thousand delicious meals: a bit of old scrambled egg, some extraneous fried chicken skin, a big blob of raspberry jam. Surely, the beard choice of the gastronomist.

But it can be hard keeping a goatee even. Enter the GoateeSaver, a device you clamp around your mouth to preserve the follicular lines of your mouth coiffureage even as you groom. It also looks like a sadomasochistic device for cyborgs.

Goatee Saver [Official Site via DVICE]

[#1 posted by SamF , August 8, 2008 7:26 AM]

Ok, tinkerers, here is your mission: Mod this so that it can be worn while still allowing one to speak (i.e. remove the requirement to bite down on something), and then add a voice changer.

I would SO wear that to work.

[#2 posted by Garr , August 8, 2008 7:47 AM]

In my opinion, anyone who takes to wearing a goatee (or any other extravagant form of beard, for that matter) should be able to trim it solely by hand without the help of (undeniably ridiculous) apparati like this, or else resolve to wearing a wild fuzz or clean-shaven cheeks. You don't go to your hair-stylist every morning before work just to get that hair-do you wouldn't be able to produce unaided, either...

Warning: selfcontradiction abound

Why didn't the guys who created this think of a more modular design, enabling it to make up for various facial hair styles instead of just one?

[#3 posted by ROSSINDETROIT , August 8, 2008 8:44 AM]

I want a Steampunk one with oxidized brass wing nuts and turnbuckles on an oak frame with padded leather edges.

[#4 posted by kyoorius , August 8, 2008 9:01 AM]

Yikes! At first glance, I read those orange letters as "GOATSESAVER"

[#5 posted by muteboy , August 8, 2008 9:26 AM]

I prefer to call them "Miniature Beards"

[#6 posted by bobsyeruncle , August 8, 2008 9:40 AM]

@ #4
LOL! Nothing says keep your hands off "my precious" (computer) like the "GOATSESAVER"!

[#7 posted by gregger , August 8, 2008 9:56 AM]

Isn't that technically a "Van Dyke Saver"?
http://www.ravnwood.com/archives/001361.php

Goatee = no mustache. Goats don't have mustaches, do they? Maybe evil goats...

TTFN

[#8 posted by Mister Staal , August 8, 2008 9:57 AM]

Neat idea I guess if you have a palsy. Otherwise, use a mirror like everyone else. If you can't keep your beard in line by hand, you aren't man enough to have a beard.

[#9 posted by Anonymous , August 8, 2008 10:46 AM]

It's no surprise that the narrator of the video on the link has a strong southern accent. :)

[#10 posted by st vincent , August 9, 2008 1:44 PM]

Do they make an XXL version for wearers of the "bloatee"?:

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=09072005

[#11 posted by Jake0748 , August 9, 2008 7:18 PM]

Complete and total dorkage.

[#12 posted by Anonymous , August 19, 2008 4:03 PM]

There are eyebrow stencils, why not goatee stencils? Sounds like a pretty good idea to me.

[#13 posted by Landlord Mortgages , February 22, 2009 11:08 PM]

I heard there are shaving blades that have something called wire guard on them?
What brand and what are they called exactly? I wanna try them and see if they are better for me.

[#14 posted by dheeruyadav , February 28, 2009 3:54 AM]

Is this Gillette Mach 3 Turbo?
Thanks