One is the loneliest SIM card that you’ll ever do

Sitting on the balcony with a beer, my mobile phone rings.

[BRING]

“Hello, John Brownlee speaking.”

“Uh… ja… hallo. This is E-Plus calling. You have a mobile phone with us?”

“Indeed I do. What’s this about?”

“Ja, Herr Brownlee. We like you…”

“…oh! Thanks!”

“So we like to give you second SIM card. You can give it to a partner of your choice and speak to them for free at any time!”

“That’s very kind of you, but I’m afraid I don’t have a person to give that SIM Card to.”

[AWKWARD SILENCE]

“Oh. What a pity. You have no one. How terribly sad. I hope you find a lover one day. We will call you then.”

[CLICK]

I decide I need to open a few more beers.

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29 Responses to One is the loneliest SIM card that you’ll ever do

  1. Comedian says:

    ¿Cómo se dice “Cherchez la femme” en Alemán?

  2. johnnyuber says:

    WOAH … that is exactly what I do every night…

  3. Anonymous says:

    I haven’t laughed out loud for several days.

    This is hilarious. Thank you!

  4. mistercharlie says:

    Give the second card to your lawyer. That way, when you end up in the slammer *again* for drinking too many of those beers, you can call him, free.

  5. Nelson.C says:

    Was this a man or a woman calling? If it was a woman, you should have arranged a date there and then. If not, well, maybe he has a sister….

  6. Chris Furniss says:

    THIS is how I find out that you’re breaking up with me? Die in a fire, Brownlee!

  7. Scuba SM says:

    Randall,

    It does if you drink enough of it.

  8. Alan says:

    I had a call the other day offering me a three day trip to anyplace I wanted from some travel company. Since I couldn’t convince her that I wasn’t interested, I just blurted out that I’m unable to travel, and the woman apologized in such a way that I knew she felt bad for calling me.

  9. strider_mt2k says:

    John, I’m sure it’ll happen for you.

    Hang in there dude.

  10. skramble says:

    There are a lot of cool chicks in Berlin. If you are looking, you will find a decent one soon enough.

    You just gotta go around flaunting your BoingBoing bling.

  11. St_Stevie says:

    Es ist OK, Wirst schon jemand finden.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Buddy, have another drank!

  13. Halloween Jack says:

    If they were really efficient, they would have issued you a lover. She would show up at your door dressed in clothes with the company logo on them. You’re a little shy and play for time by reading the instruction manual, which reveals certain things that explain why you don’t already have a lover. She has features that you never knew existed, but find that already you can’t live without.

    In the middle of the night, she spoons you from behind and wants to know if you’ll trade her in for a new model in two years, but who knows what wonders 2010 will bring?

  14. extracall says:

    This is not for real? if yes, the person who called you must be one of those rare salespeople who actually have some sense of humour.

  15. kahomono says:

    WTF?

  16. pork musket says:

    That’s hilarious. I too hope you find a lover one day.

  17. Scuba SM says:

    I think I know how they’ll know when he finds his special someone… his minutes and text usage will skyrocket. :p

  18. kahomono says:

    How will they know when they should call again?

  19. pauldrye says:

    Yyyyeah. I’ve had discussions like this.

    “May I speak to the lady of the house?”

    “Not unless there’s one that I don’t know about hiding under the sofa.”

  20. hokano says:

    Oh, they’ll know. They’ll know.

  21. hohum says:

    Brutal.

  22. randalll says:

    You know, beer doesn’t ask you what you’re thinking every ten minutes.

  23. jmudder says:

    And just what have I been telling you!! Stop the drinking the beer, and start searching for Broads. Grandchildren by the time I’m 63, or I’ll find you a wife, myself.

  24. Moon says:

    The New Stasi’s methods are a lot milder than the old Stasi, that’s for sure.

  25. OM says:

    …Kraut Krank Kallerz! Krazy, Kat, Krazy! :-) :-)

  26. ckd says:

    Sounds like a great pick-up line. “Hey, babe, let me show you my second SIM card.”

  27. proto says:

    Dunno what all the fuss is about. You’ve got your beer. Cool and smooth, frothy, dependable old friend beer. And all the gadgets. I mean, they might be a little less welcoming, a bit more aloof, but at least they’re diverting. And the beer, man, the beer loves you! Then there’s the internet: your intercourse with intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic. . . and um. . .

    But hey, how far off can fembots be? I bet they’ll accept SIM cards.
    ;-)

  28. zuzu says:

    To make it up to you, we will go out to dinner at a sensibly priced restaurant, then have a night of efficient German sex.

  29. Mister N says:

    Wow..wow..wow..

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