Sitting on the balcony with a beer, my mobile phone rings. [BRING] "Hello, John Brownlee speaking." "Uh... ja... hallo. This is E-Plus calling. You have a mobile phone with us?" "Indeed I do. What's this about?" "Ja, Herr Brownlee. We like you..." "...oh! Thanks!" "So we like to give you second SIM card. You can give it to a partner of your choice and speak to them for free at any time!" "That's very kind of you, but I'm afraid I don't have a person to give that SIM Card to." [AWKWARD SILENCE] "Oh. What a pity. You have no one. How terribly sad. I hope you find a lover one day. We will call you then." [CLICK] I decide I need to open a few more beers.