Philips to release the Sonicare of non-penetrative vibrators

Supplementing their successful line of electric razors, televisions, Skype phones and toothbrushes, Philips next product will be directly to the pudendum: the company has announced the Warm Intimate Massager, the first ever Philips brand sex toy.

Not much is known about the device, except that it is a vibrating massager with the depressing adjective “non-penetrative” conspicuously applied. Why non-penetrative? In addition to hoping it will become “the ultimate Christmas gift for couples,” a Philips rep cautiously explained…

“We were looking for products that wouldn’t replace one or the other partner.

Whew. I think I speak for men everywhere when I say I’m glad Philips has got my back. It’s true: a penetrative vibrator is a perfect replacement for a man, but down that orgiastic path lies genetic ruin. Frankly, we’ve been trying to keep that whole secret under wraps.

Regardless, what we are looking at here is a heated vibrator of some type. Philips intends to sell it for £89.99, which is an astonishing price to pay for a vibrator you can’t even cram, but the stated rationale is that a luxury price will give it an air of consumerist respectability.

Either way, I think Philips is the right company for the job of demystifying and popularizing the vibrator, just as their fantastic Sonicare line popularized the higher-end electric toothbrush. In fact, I, for one, am pleased to see Philips’ introducing their Sonicare technology to daring new vistas. I myself have considered introducing my Sonicare to one from time to time, but frankly, those replacement heads are pretty expensive.

Philips changes the mood with Warm Intimate Massager [Times Online]

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10 Responses to Philips to release the Sonicare of non-penetrative vibrators

  1. Joel Johnson says:

    I thought they already added respectability to the sex toy when they branded it “Sonicare”. I still don’t understand where the brushes are supposed to go, though.

  2. royaltrux says:

    “Whew. I think I speak for men everywhere when I say I’m glad Philips has got my back.” – Bwahahahahaha!!

  3. frankiez says:

    even Philips can’t win over the Japanese THRIVE: world best orgasmatron…

  4. Anonymous says:

    Now this is controversial market news.
    The astonishing decision of the world-wide company is getting both negative and positive evaluations.
    Is this a versatile and dynamic reaction to growing demand for adult novelty toys, by a market-focused and consumer-targeted modern company? Or vice versa – a direct proof of low company values and profit orientation at any cost?
    http://www.votetheday.com/polls/philips-launches-sex-toys-line-245/

  5. Anonymous says:

    Now this is controversial market news.
    The astonishing decision of the world-wide company is getting both negative and positive evaluations.
    Is this a versatile and dynamic reaction to growing demand for adult novelty toys, by a market-focused and consumer-targeted modern company? Or vice versa – a direct proof of low company values and profit orientation at any cost?
    http://www.votetheday.com/polls/philips-launches-sex-toys-line-245/

  6. Rob Beschizza says:

    Does it come with ambilight?

  7. Halloween Jack says:

    Eh, I can’t really care about this without a picture of one, which shows what really matters: the contact point(s). And do they really think that “non-penetrative” is that big of a deal? Hello? Hitachi Magic Wand, anyone? Sheesh.

  8. Frank_in_Virginia says:

    I welcome (on behalf of women everywhere) our new overload, the Warm Intimate Massager.

    It says “The new product emerged from a Philips Incubator”. That’s why it is warm.

  9. alejandrodelloco says:

    @ #4 – The article mentions a version that with rechargable candle lights to set the mood. Haha.

  10. pork musket says:

    If it works through clothing, they have a sure winner. I can see the weird public Japanese porn already (and no, I am not trying to be offensive to the Japanese… but seriously, have you seen some of their porn?)

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