This Exists: Deep-dish pizza vending machine

pizzamachine.jpgAs a fan of both disgusting microwaved pizza-inspired calorie bars and vending machines, I find nothing at all threatening in this TombStone Deep Dish Pizza unit. I can think of nothing better with which to wash it down than a giant can of Red Bull.

The End Is Near [Sheeats via Serious Eats]

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Discussion

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Is this really any worse than those revolving vending machines with the egg salad sandwiches?

In fact, I'm hungry, I could use a pizza right now.

One of the commentors in the link said the pizza tastes like shit and costs $4. FYI.

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#2 posted by Anonymous , September 9, 2008 3:36 PM

Hmmm, my carwash has something like this. It's 2.5 machines wide and has a much bigger opening - oh, and it's not Tombstone.

Seriously, I agree with the first comment. How is buying a pizza in ANY WAY anywhere near as bad as eating a bag of chips and a Mountain Dew. In my mind it's much better!

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I tried the exact same one at the Salt Lake airport; it was pretty bad and horribly greasy. It was doughy with a burnt taste, and the "cheese" was rubbery. Mine only cost $3 and it did a hell of a job breaking through the "sitting for 6 hours" constipation.

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Not half as disgusting as what's being consumed from the machine on the right of the photograph.


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It might seem disturbing—and heck it is—but if you've ever looked at the modern fast food retail process this all makes sense.

99% of food you order from fast food joints are just made by machine or microwaved and employees are truly cogs in that process.

The only difference between this and a sit down restaurant is the illusion of customer service.

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It looks to me that it's a Coke/beverage machine that just happens to be advertising Pizza.

I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure.

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@ Bryan Price: I was about to post the same thing.

Does anyone bother to look closely at stuff?

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This is made by the same company that makes the Tyson Chicken vending machine that makes me chuckle every time I fly into the "Tulsa International Airport" to visit family. It's how I know I'm back home.

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Fresh Fast Fries anyone?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/glebe2037/2727658018/

The smell surrounding this baby was indescribable

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"Does anyone bother to look closely at stuff?"

Physician, heal thyself? In the bigger picture, it's very clearly a pizza vending machine as described.

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If I had enough uncrumpled bills in my pocket, and I was in some airport with hours to kill, and there wasn't even a burger king (or some other crapfood vendor) with real people in it nearby, then yes, I would try something out of this machine. I might even enjoy it a little bit.

I consider myself a bit of a culinary adventurer. And I like to challenge my innards every once in a while. Bring it on.

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Fresh Fast Fries anyone?

No Way!

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#13 posted by OM Author Profile Page, September 9, 2008 10:23 PM

"One of the commentors in the link said the pizza tastes like shit and costs $4. FYI."

...I consider myself a frozen pizza expert, and to be honest I've always felt that Tombstone was more hype than substance. The crust is far more bland than I would expect for $5 USD for a 12" pizza from your grocer's freezer, and I've actually found more pseudomeat on a Totino's than I've found on a Tombstone. In fact, if I have to buy an expensive frozen pizza, I'd rather plunk down for Red Baron or a pair of Tony's before I go with Tombstone.

On the other hand, to give Tombstone credit, if I have to choose between one and a fresh, piping hot tomato-covered cardboard faux pizza from Domino's...

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@9 Swaggin

There's a machine similar at a bar I live near. I saw a sign one day saying "Hot Chips, Mini Spring Roles, Dim Sims $4 all night"

I was pretty drunk and thought, sweet, didn't know they had any kitchen area here! Sure could go a bowl of chips. Handed the bar chick $4 she walked up to a mysterious silver machine that I'd always assumed was their dishwasher. She put the money in, stuck a bowl and the bottom of a shoot and about 2 minutes later I was eating some of the worst hot chips I've ever eaten. Still love the bar but I've avoided their hot 'food' ever since.

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Wow America is becoming more Japanese in an entirely American way! Middle america will never get panty machines, but french fries and pizza, put that by the beer and smokes machine, outside of a gun store and WOW.. You got everything youd ever want! (I was going to suggest a gun vending machine but I like to think there is SOME sense in the world)

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Oh man, I suck.
Could sworn that was a Sprite label...\

I am sorry.

(sorrier that it exists, but I won't eat the stuff)

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Heaps of these in Australia - expanding in service stations and 7/11 clones.

Not that foul. But when I first came across one I felt like an ape examining a bizarre monolith. If the Holiday Park security man wasn't watching I'd have broken it open to examine how the voodoo works. They claim that it is not a microwave.

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#13: I agree with your pizza tastes. Hell, I'll take a Totinos over a Tombstone every day.

Actually I'm a real sucker for the Red Baron breakfast pizzas. Yum, and they come in the size that would be spit out by this vending machine.

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@18 - I really dislike you for reminding me about those while I'm trying to be good about what I eat. I used to eat those all the time when I was a younger man that didn't bother to read the labels on what I ate.

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#15 posted by themindfantastic:

Wow America is becoming more Japanese in an entirely American way!

Indeed. But here's my take on the cross-cultural stuff:

After World War II Japan became a de-militarized country that mimicked American culture. And here in the U.S., we became much more militarized than we were before.

So my big theory is Japanese pop culture is simply what American culture would truly evolve to be if we didn't become obsessed with war and death.

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http://www.hotchoice.com/TodaysMenu.html

This link leads you the website that features a number of these different machines. They makes the pizzas discussed here as well as hot dogs, chicken strips, boneless chicken wings, taquitos and more.

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#22 posted by Anonymous , September 11, 2008 6:00 AM

i recently visited Coney Island (Brooklyn NY) and about 300 feet off the boardwalk they have machine that vends Nathan's Hot Dogs.

Ironically, it is about 100 feet away from a pretty big Nathan's.

It was my first time in NYC, and i wanted a REAL Nathan's (which i did) - but part of me kicks myself for not trying a hot dog from a vending machine - just to see what it tastes like.

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Ironically, it is about 100 feet away from a pretty big Nathan's.

That's not just a pretty big Nathan's... That is the original Nathan's.

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At Fenway Park, there are vending machines that sell kosher hot dogs, knishes, fries and onion rings. (http://www.koshervendingindustries.com/)

The hot dogs are surprisingly good, the onion rings leave something to be desired (overpriced, dry and stuck together). I didn't get the knish, but I heard that they're pretty good, too.

The guy who runs HotNosh (oy) has kids at the Jewish day school where my wife teaches. he donated a hot dog machine to the school. Whether or not you think this is a good thing apparently depends on how old you are. :-)

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Whether or not you think this is a good thing apparently depends on how old you are. :-)

So in the future, Mr. Hooper's store on Sesame Street will just be an array of vending machines the folks in the neighborhood hang around near.

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Jack @ 25:

It's more that the teenaged boys think that hotdogs from a machine are a gift from God, whereas the teachers (and most of the girls) think they're vile. :-)

(I'm somewhere in between the two.)

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