Paper shark automaton
CeraCera's hand-cranked articulated shark undulates realistically, and costs only $5. It's the perfect gift for your youngster! You can watch Jaws with him just before bed-time, then construct it together. And after tucking him in, you can leave it on the table in the cold moonlight, pointed directly at the bed.
Night night, sonny!
Product Pagte [CeraCera via dugnorth]

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now if only you could build a little player into it so it tells you to suck its dick in a musical fashion.
A baffling but strangely compelling suggestion.