Mark forwarded us this press release, which really is best left to speak for itself. However, I have taken the liberty of adding a typographical break between paragraphs, to effect an easier read.
I wanted to make you and your readers aware of our redesigned best-selling FORM 6 vibrating massager. We would love to hear your reader’s comments. If you have any questions, let me know.
We completely re-engineered FORM 6 from the inside out, taking the performance to a new plateau. It is now the only waterproof rechargeable vibrating massager that is also cordless. We’ve also made it even more powerful – but also quieter. We’ve eliminated the raised buttons and charging contact of the original design so that more than ever, every surface of FORM 6 is smooth and usable for sensation. No other vibrating massager offers this versatility.
Still not satisfied, we created a new, fully enclosed Charging Case to protect FORM 6 – it’s perfect for discreet charging, clean storage, or packing in your overnight bag. Of course, the new design still features the integration of body-friendly materials and sustainable design that has become our hallmark.
Perhaps best of all, the new generation of FORM 6 is completely submersible in your bathtub, offering a whole host of new possibilities. FORM 6 has been embraced as the gold standard of the sexual wellbeing market, but also has been a cross-over hit, performing as the best-selling premium handheld vibrating massager for therapeutic use at top retailers.
Our extension of color – Plum, Blue, Slate – should make this new version an even bigger sensation.
Some time ago, we were sat around in the BBG editorial channel crafting “gadgety” typographical symbols for use in gadget blogging. Finally, one of the more unusual creations has its day.
Plunging a vibrator into the Netherlands would be most undiplomatic.
“Perhaps best of all, the new generation of FORM 6 is completely submersible in your bathtub, offering a whole host of new possibilities.”
Tsunami alert.
“It is now the only waterproof rechargeable vibrating massager that is also cordless.”
Looks like someone’s never heard of the WeVibe. Don’t these people read boingboing? Must have missed a day…
You have too much free time.
no giveaway?
Press release does not answer my most pressing question:
will it blend?
Maybe that’s what Britain needs. More pictures of women plunging “personal massagers” into their netherlands at the dentist’s office.
I’d offer to test one out and report back, but the misappropriated apostrophe in the first paragraph of their press release prevents me from doing so: distractions like that put a woman right off her stroke.
P.S. I’m loving the typographical symbols.
“You have too much free time.”
It’s not free time, technically. We are paid to do this.
@#5, Rob: In that case there’s no sense in leave the job half done: in the interests of accessibility, might I suggest you change the image’s alt attribute to “Curlicued double-ender”?
@#6, Done!
I am fascinated that even sex toys can have cross-over appeal. I mean how does one market a vibrator as a theraputic massager when most people think handeld massagers are thinly veiled sex toys anyway?
It’s just gloss, so the mags can be distributed in public or family settings. A picture of a lady holding it to her neck passes muster at the dentist’s office, for example, where a picture of the lady plunging one into her netherlands would not.
@#9, Rob: Is staring at women in dentist’s offices another thing you get paid for, or is it just a hobby?
I’m British. I don’t go to dentist’s offices at all.
@#13, SamF: This is probably a better fit for that particular demographic.
s/typographical/typornographical
#8: While it has been pointed out that these devices have been traditionally been marketed as therapeutic devices to ensure ads can be run anywhere, it’s important to note that modern vibrators were created as part of the Victorian health craze at the turn of last century.
The same movement that created radium spas and Kellog’s Corn Flakes created vibrators that were intended to cure various women’s health issues. Health professionals (sometimes real doctors, for what that is worth) would prescribe regular application of these devices to various places as a curative.
(Remember, the understanding by the (mostly male) health experts at the time was that women do not have orgasms, and do not find sex stimulating or pleasurable. The vibrators were for /other/ reasons, and were certainly not prescribed for titillation or pleasure.)
So, there is a long history of marketing such devices in a quasi-patent medical manner.