You'd think iPhones were everywhere, a Kudzu of silicon spreading through the last creditworthy coatpockets on planet Earth, given the furious coverage it gets. We shall live with its vices and its virtues, yea– but not without warning. We have the Internet to inform us of its myriad flaws, its failures and foibles! Again and again and again has it told us.
Boy, has it ever told us.
10b: Top 10 Annoying Things About iPhone [Wired News]
With a tip of the hat to Mr. Gadget's own list (see below), Wired's Brian Chen boils them down to the ten worst and adds a few considered suggestions of his own. Topping the list is "Terrible Battery Life," citing tests by Anandtech and offering recommendations to extend it, most of which involve turning important things off.
1. Poor Battery Life
2. Gimped BlueTooth
3. Gimped Outlook support
4. No Cut and Paste
5. Crap camera
6. Crap data plan in Australia
7. No voice dialing
8. No webcam
9. No handwriting recognition
10. Crap GPS
The bonus entries comprise the lack of landscape keyboard support in non-web apps, lack of multimedia text messaging, and buggy software. Chen's list is confident and succinct: if it wore a moustache, it would be perfectly groomed.
10a: 10 of the Most Annoying Things about the iPhone [Mr.Gadget]
Mr. Gadget's list goes on and on and on, stretching to a practical infinity in blogging terms: 1,400 words! His top 10 is the same as Wired's, but goes into exhaustive depth. Even Steve Jobs would be hard-pressed not to fling his glassy slab into a lake after this thorough denunciation of his product.
9. Top 10 Reasons the New iPhone 3G Still Sucks! [List after List]
A List after List poster plunges into it with a brusque, no-nonsense attitude. No time for hedge-sitting preliminaries here! Just a list of blunt complaints, including the intriguing, philosophically recursive "7. The list goes on." The intellectual challenge continues when this "top 10" list proceeds to 13 entries.
1. Too expensive.
2. Crap GPS
3. No tethering
4. No cut and paste.
5. Crap camera
6. Gimped Bluetooth.
7. "The list goes on."
8. No Flash
9. No MMS
10. No voice dialing
11. No TV
12. Can't replace battery
13. No flash card slot
Balanced unerringly between praise and dismay, Amy at Crazymokes ultimately takes a refreshingly software-focused angle in her report on the iPhone's myriad unpleasantnesses.
1. Check calculation application sucks
2. Calendar sucks
3. No Cut and Paste
4. Adding contacts is annoying
5. Gimped syncing
6. No webcam
7. Calender really sucks
8. YouTube app sucks
9. Clock sucks
10. Notes sucks
11. Stocks sucks
7. Top 10 reasons Why, to buy iPhone in India is Not a Win Win Situation and Seemingly bad idea [Dynamic Disruption]
It is in India, land of elephants and the scent of sandalwood ashes, that we find ourselves on our first international excursion. With resolve and tolerance, the unnamed author says he was prepared to accept the lack of Flash, user-replaceable batteries and other well-known flaws. But there are 10 more ills to contend with, each of greater import.
1. Local carriers suck
2. It will be too expensive for India
3. No 3G in India
4. No iTunes in India
5. No decent internet at all in India outside fancy cities
6. Locked to carrier
7. "No Widgets for us we're Indians."
8. No-one has WiFi
Issues 9 and 10 do not appear to be criticisms, and so have been removed. The conclusion, though, is laser-guided: "our Plan is to first build the Tire-Swing and then construct a park around it?"
6. Top 5 Worst Things About The iPhone [Wired]
Who wrote this brilliant, incisive list of critical flaws within a day of the device's original announcement back in January, 2007? Give that man a cigar. Really.
1. AT&T sucks
2. Not enough storage
3. Can't replace battery
4. No 3G. (Note: fixed bin the second coming of iPhone)
5. No hardware keyboard
5. Apple iPhone desperately needs Cut and Paste functionality [IntoMobile]
I see what you did there, Will of IntoMobile! The sneaky devil has no use for the rambling anathemata of his colleagues. His list offers but a single, all-important entry:
1. No Cut and Paste
And right you are, sir.
Willie Lu, a 15-year veteran of the mobile phone business, offers up the most steeple-fingered entry in our roundup of Top 10 Top 10 iPhone flaw lists. His selections are not merely problems, he writes: they are documented problems.
1. Closed Wireless architecture sucks. iPhone should open it up, but won't.
2. Wireless transmission efficiency is very low. iPhones should include magic radios.
3. iPhone potentially susceptible to viruses and other complex data attacks based on frame-by-frame transmission standards and explotation of frame error rate bottlenecks.
4. AT&T sucks
5. Apple's exposure to lawsuits is humungous and no-one sees it yet
7. Too expensive.
8. Closed software ecosystem.
9. iClones will quickly be superior
iPhone 3g Flaws [Dude Toyota Rocks]
Why write when you can make a blurry video of yourself playing around with an iPhone on YouTube? Correspondent DudeToyotaROCKS boils it down the three attributes most ripe for censure.
1. Battery life sucks
2. No flash on camera
3. No MMS
Chimes in top commenter Hoarp001: "Also you cant copy and paste..." Rival YouTubery comes courtesy of NewMacGeek. What is it with Europeans and MMS? I don't even know what that is.
2. Top 10 reasons to hate the iPhone 3G [APCmag]
A strong personal touch and a warning not to post angry comments introduces Dan Warne's systematic perusal of the iPhone 3G's shortcomings. A creative note creeps in early – the lack of a decent camera tops his roundup, followed by the lack of Flash – but the classics are out in force.
It is with his final entry, however, that Warne sashays into action: "Stunning hypocrisy," comes in at number 10, nailing Apple's failed BlackBerry clone, MobileMe, in a neat tweak of the corporate nipple.
1. Crap camera
2. No Flash
3. No Instant Messaging
4. Crap international data
5. Gimped BlueTooth
6. No Cut and Paste
7. Can't replace battery
8. No MMS
9. Crap GPS
10. "Stunning Hypocrisy"
1. 50 iPhone problems [PC Advisor]
Top spot in our Top 10 Top 10 lists goes to PC Advisor's epic, 50-entry execration of Apple's technological indulgences, ready to be nailed to Cupertino's door like the theses of Luther. Here are the first ten:
1. Crap touchscreen
2. Gimped web apps
3. No web cache
4. Cannot browse file system
5. No Flash or Java
6. Mail sucks.
7. Yahoo Mail sucks on it.
8. Proximity sensor sucks
9. RF leakage
10. Speakerphone sucks
Many of the rest are trivial ("Substantial delay for new voicemail notification") or demented ("Safari doesn't try to reformat web page for convenient viewing like Windows Mobile"), but all of them deliver.
Bonus Lists: Not had enough? But we've already gone past our quota! Try 6 Major Flaws in iPhone. Will Consumers Still Spend the Money?, from Smartmoney, or The iPhone: Lots to Love, but Flaws Too, from PC World.
Coming soon: Top 10 Top 10 rebuttals to top 10 iPhone flaw list list lists. If we're lucky, the universe will break at 255 levels of recursion, before they switch the Large Hadron Collider back on.