Power On Self Test: Nail files and engines should never meet

From this epic thread detailing a Spanish “mechanic” and his attempt to tune, paint, and customize an old Mitsubishi Eclipse. Amazing zero-to-cringe times. Those claw marks on the cylinders are hand-filed. That’s bad. (Thanks, Mike!)

1. [pork musket]

   Wow… what an idiot. At least he only ruined a cheap DSM head.

2. [technogeek]

   On behalf of the other old farts in your audience… Could we avoid the smaller type sizes?

3. [Anonymous]

   There has been quite a bit of amateur research into head grooving, also known as “quench slots”, “burn slots”, “flame channels”, etc. There are a number of extensive discussions about it at Speedtalk: http://speedtalk.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1396 and http://speedtalk.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=5907 in particular.

   The ones in this post are clearly terribly done, but it’s not an entirely meritless concept.

4. [Anonymous]

   I wonder if he was trying to do what this guy did: http://www.popsci.com/cars/article/2004-09/obsession-mr-singhs-search-holy-grail

   That was 4 years ago and I haven’t heard anything about the “invention” since, so I’m assuming it’s ended up in the same junk pile as vortex air intakes and Brown’s gas jars.

5. [Duffong]

   Ha! I read about this on VWVortex and lmao. Very fun read for just about anyone.

6. [geekpdx]

   You know, I’ve been searching for a way to get metal shavings into my valves while reducing or disappearing my compression ratio and looking like the prime minister of bozos all at the same time.

   Looks like I’ve been beaten to the punch.

7. [pork musket]

   I like the part where he put a GT-35r on it (that’s a big turbo) and then ran a 16 second quarter mile.

8. [Anonymous]

   Actually, those are the valves, not the piston cylinders themselves.

9. [CANTFIGHTTHEDITE]

   Those are Speed Grooves. They make the car go faster.

10. [OLAF9000]

    #9 U meen like kinda wen i put racing stripes on my car to make it go faster?