Rob Beschizza

A mouse to match the dashboard of your grandfather's 1978 Lincoln

Here is a $12 plastic mouse with a woodgrain texture. Isn't it lovely?

USB Wood Grain Optical Mouse [GizFever via GadgetHeat]

Rob Beschizza

Rumor: Snow Leopard to have rewritten Finder

AppleInsider reports on what it thinks is coming in Snow Leopard: a new finder rewritten in Cocoa (the current one being the last remaining Carbon component of OSX), as well as rewrites of the Apple-authored apps that come with the system; Microsoft Exchange support; and multiple boot partitions.

In other words, nothing sexy: Snow Leopard is mostly about the technical elegance that leads to stable and reliable computing, which is exactly what we wanted. For great justice!, etc.

Apple's Snow Leopard to sport Cocoa Finder and ImageBoot [Apple Insider]

Rob Beschizza

New MacBooks have less battery power — but lower usage, too?

GDGT's Ryan Block spots something that didn't crop up at Apple's MacBook presser last week. The new batteries offer 4700mAh instead of the last generation's 5600mAh.

I’d estimate that the integrated NVIDIA chipset and ever more behind-the-scenes power-saving techniques are why Apple is claiming such solid life despite killing a fifth of the machine’s energy supply — but a 20% reduction is still no small number

My last-gen MacBook Pro actually reports 6040mAh on a full charge, perhaps because it's the 17" model. Oh, for the day where we stop having to worry about whether a laptop can even get as far as lunchtime.

New MacBook Pro: now with 20% less battery power [Ryan Block]

Rob Beschizza

Procedurally-generated shadow magic

I tricked myself into forgetting, over the years, why I stopped climbing over the garden wall. On summer afternoons I used to wander the woods that stretched for miles behind the row of Victorian houses where I grew up. Lost in thought and childhood fancy, it was as if the hours simply disappeared.

In the late 1980s my family left town, and so I left my hideaways for the last time. And yet with every breath, I always knew a part of it never left me. High school, college, the best years: it rose from the depths in paintings and poetry, in dreams. Was I trying to cure myself? I don't remember dreaming of them, those who gave me this gift.

No matter. It is here now, spreading from my shoulders and arms and the back of my hands. It started, I later discovered, the very weekend when developers cleared that old stretch of Clapham wood: an itching in the bones, the scent of wet leaves seeping from my pores.

Why hide it? It's beautiful. And when it takes me, so shall I be.

Inner Forests: An interactive shadow installation [Michael Kontopoulos]

Rob Beschizza

Fit a Logitech wireless mouse dongle in your Dell Mini

Strider_mt2k explains, at My Dell Mini's forums, how to hack a Mini Inspiron 9 to contain a Logitech RF dongle, but without permanently soldering it in place. Anyone who has ever used a BlueTooth mouse will understand why one might do this.

I received a Dell Mini yesterday, but it's a birthday present for my nephew. Unfortunately, I have already fallen in love with it.

Internal Logitech Nano Receiver Modification [My Dell Mini]

Rob Beschizza

OLED-screen cell phone design speaks truth to complexity

This Nokia Aeon-like concept sketch, by Mac Funamizu, demonstrates how a phone with an OLED-wrap display could look. It is, as Unplggd remarks, the "IPhone Nano You've Always Wanted"; but that is really just a way of saying that it's a minimalist design that hits all the right notes.

The most remarkable thing about it is how it solves unremarkable needs. It imagines technology that makes design simpler: if such display technology was implemented, LCD screen frames and bezels would not only become unnecessary, but immediately seem like pointless ornamentation.

Just a Sketch: Mobile Phone [Mac's website via Yanko and Makezine]

John Brownlee

Mother 3 English Patch Released!

Mother 3 — the long awaited sequel to the SNES RPG masterpiece Earthbound — has finally been translated into English thanks to the plucky efforts of the Starmen.net translation team.

This has been a longtime coming. Earthbound (otherwise known as Mother 2, and the only Mother game to be released in the States) was released in 1995, and ended on the whiff of a sequel, but Mr. Saturn's Japanese drooglings didn't get to see Mother 3 until 2006, when it was unceremoniously released in Japan.

It was bad timing for an American release: the original, while a cult classic, did not sell well, and the game came out at the very end of the GBA's life cycle. But the Mother 3 Translation Team has been toiling away for the last two years, posting regular blog updates along the way, describing the challenges of hacking the non-conventionally programmed game and translating the quirky text into English.

The process for patching the game is simple: you will need to have a Mother 3 ROM (presumably — but, you know, not necessarily! — from your own legally imported copy of the game) and download the Translation Pack, which contains a one-step patching program for Windows, OS X and Linux. It's really very elegantly done. And make sure to read the translation notes: they're fascinating.

I've been waiting for about thirteen years for this. I'm positively giddy: instead of a weekend spent grinding through a stack of newly arrived Xbox 360 games, I will be lying prone on my couch, taming spiteful crows, battling zombies and hippies, chasing magic butterflies and dodging the incoming charges of Rhinorockets. Who'll be joining me?

Mother 3 Fan Translation Project [Official Site]

Joel Johnson

Putin's satellite-tracked dog not a harbinger for anything

Oh, Russia.

MOSCOW (Reuters) - Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's black labrador dog, Koni, Friday was given a collar that will allow her master to track her movements by satellite. ... "She looks sad," Ivanov said. "Her free life is over."

"She is wagging her tail. That means she likes it," Putin said.

Putin's dog gets a satellite collar [Reuters.com] (Thanks, Brendan!)

Rob Beschizza

Blender Defender terrifies cats that dare approach the kitchen counter

This gentlemen maintains a video collection of his cat's attempts to leap onto his kitchen counters. As he has devised an apparatus that effectively dissuades the cat from doing so, all of them have the same ending. The Blender Defender [Plamsa 2002 via Make]

Rob Beschizza

Pedometer RPG

Bandai proves that no gadget is too simple or everyday not to contain a role-playing game. Its latest example is a pedometer game that comes in two forms: one based on Star Blazers and the other on 3000 Leagues in Search of Mother. Walk, level up, walk, level up ... It's just like Diablo, except you mindlessly exercise a different part of the body and it is not fun.

It's $45 and will hit the online stores in time for Christmas.

Bandai RPG Pedometers animate your steps [CScout]

Rob Beschizza

Cellphone face rashes caused by nickel sensitivity

Does the flesh on the side of your face bubble and melt whenever you take a call? You might have contact dermatitis triggered by nickel, a common component in cell phones' casing. From Reuters:

"It is worth doctors bearing this condition in mind if they see a patient with a rash on the cheek or ear that cannot otherwise be explained," it [the British Association of Dermatologists] said. ... Many doctors were unaware mobile phones could cause the condition.

Safety concerns over mobile phones has grown as more people rely on them for everyday communication, although the evidence to date has given the technology a clean bill of health when it comes to serious conditions like brain cancer.

Nickel is present in 10 of 22 popular handsets, Reuters reports, but it doesn't chance to name them. As a result of this report, BBG recommends that you immediately stop eating cell phones until the Chinese government takes action.

Doctors warn of rash from mobile phone use [Reuters]

Joel Johnson

There's no way the "FlashPoint ES Mini-Microwave" is real

According the Book of Joe, this little blip ran in the Financial Times "How to Spend It" magazine. (I don't read the FT on a regular basis, so I don't know if that's a regular addition or what.) It describes the "FlashPoint ES", a portable, unshielded "mini-microwave".

It has to be a hoax. Even if you could get a little magnetron in a battery-powered device, who in their right minds would sell a directional microwave wand?

The only references I can find online stem from Joe's scan of the article, so I'm going to just presume the FT got duped by a clever jerk and go see if that block of chocolate I left on my tabletop uranium slab has turned into hot cocoa yet.

FlashPoint ES Pocket Mini-Microwave [BookOfJoe.com via Oh Gizmo!]

Rob Beschizza

Automatic Accordion

Whether it's for the love of automata, or simply a desire to horrify passers-by with unpleasant Bavarian folk music, Hohner's Magic Organa has got you covered. Check it out at the excellent Automaton Blog.

Automatic Accordion by Hohner Magic Organa

Joel Johnson

Line 6 POD Studio USB interfaces for guitar players (and their guitars)

Line 6, makers of a variety of virtual amplifier modelers and other nifty hardware for guitarists, is pushing out a new like of interfaces called the "POD Studio", all of which support high quality audio input over USB.

The main difference in the models (of which there are three) seems to be in the number of inputs that are available. The GX has a single quarter-inch input; the UX1 adds an XLR input and a headphone out; the UX2 [pictured] gives two quarter-inch inputs, two XLR inputs, a headphone out, and a couple of analog gauges and four big, cranky knobs. They're $140, $210, and $280, respectively, and each comes with the basic version of "POD Farm", a software guitar and amp modeling package.

I've got a big ol' Kustom amp and cabinet in my room on loan from a friend, but I hardly ever plug it in these days. It's been me, an interface box (I use FireWire), headphones, and software modeling for years. Oh, and a guitar.

POD Studio product page [Line6.com via Electronista via Engadget]

Joel Johnson

Easiest to Read digital scale with high-contrast LCD

This "Easiest to Read Digital Scale" is actually quite attractive in its way, with a massive LCD display on the right that stays displayed for ten seconds after you step off the scale. It's designed for oldsters, I'm sure, but I think it'd work fine in most bathrooms.

I also like how the icons indicate options for Batman, Elf, Pizza Server, and Trap Hole Salesman. That should cover all the bases.

It's a hundred bucks, about three times as expensive as it should be.

Easiest to Read digital scale catalog page [Hammacher.com via Oh Gizmo!]

Joel Johnson

Deutsche Optik, interesting military surplus collection at fair prices

I love me some European army surplus, but the days of finding loads of inexpensive Baltic pants for a tenner is pretty far gone. Too many people like it and the supplies are dwindling. However, Deutsche Optik manages to have a very nice selection of vintage surplus, both clothing and gadgetry, and their prices aren't that bad.

Unless you buy the "Carl Zeiss-Jena Rangefinder Observation Binocular EM-61-P", which is now on sale for just $500. And heck, that might even be a good price. I'm not exactly versed in the ways of WWII-era optics.

There's also poison flasks, bronze busts of a young, possible deformed Yuri Gagarin, and Swiss Army Carrier Pigeon Message Belly-Packs.

Army Surplus catalog [DeutscheOptik.com] (Thanks, Ricardo, you marvelous bastard!)

Rob Beschizza

Tech titans head to Fairey land

Cult of Mac's Lonnie Lazar gives Mr. Jobs the Fairey treatment, and starts assembling a gallery of tech-themed works. Go contribute while the meme's hot! (Here's mine)

Joel Johnson

Morning tech deals highlights

• 120Hz HDTV – Very nice Samsung LN46A630 120Hz 1080p 46-inch LCD HDTV for $1300, shipped. About $300 off. You'll find cheaper televisions of the same size, of course, but perhaps not the same visual quality. Or so I've heard — I've never used it! [Slickdeals]

• Tough Radio – I don't know that this is a great product of even that spectacular of a deal, but the factory-reconditioned Bosch PB10-CDR-RT Power Box Advanced Job Site Radio is one tough-looking motherfucking radio. I bet if you try to play anything but Sepultura on it waits until you go in to inspect its malfunction then explodes in your face, you big sissy. [Amazon via Dealhack]

• Refurb MacBooks – If you're not a total toolbag who went out and bought the new MacBooks right after they came out (cough) then there are some excellent deals on fast, last-gen MacBook Pro laptops at the Apple Store. 2.4GHz model, for instance, for $1350. (Refurb Mac Mini, too.) [Dealhack]

• Refurb Rack Systems Dual Xeon 2.66GHz barebones erver for $91, shipped. [Dealnews]

• Windows Smartphone – Unlocked HTC Touch Diamond smartphone for $500. A Windows fan favorite. [Dealnews]

• Car GPS – Garmin Nuvi 650 Portable GPS for $200, shipped. About $20 off. [Dealnews]

• Annoying Clock – Flying rotor alarm clock won't shut up until you replace the flying plastic bit. It's $12, but what price self-hatred? [Dealnews]

• RUSH! – DRM-free album Permanent Waves for one god damn dollar. "Spirit of Radio" is worth at least $10 by itself. [Dealnews]

• microSD – Today's Woot is a 4GB micoSD card with a SD card converter for $11, shipped.

John Brownlee

Wiimote enabled whammy bar

Rob Morris' Wiimote hacked guitar is extremely cool: he's able to use the built-in accelerometer as a pitch-changing whammy bar by simply raising or dipping the guitar, and he can pull off even more fantastic sounds by pressing the Wiimote's face buttons. And then, of course, there's the fact that his band is called Vivian Darkbloom, making him — at the very least — Humbert Humbird's new favorite musician.

Wiimote Guitar Effects Control [Hack A Day]

John Brownlee

Samsung's Digital Frames include USB monitor support

Samsung's series of LCDs scratch the same itch as yesterday's MIMO mini-displays. Connect them via USB to your computer and even without a spare monitor port, you can extend your desktop by between eight and ten diagonal inches. That's not enough screen real estate to do anything spectacular with, but it is a nice little digital corral for IM contact windows, system monitoring widgets, PhotoShop tool boxes and the like.

What makes the Samsung more interesting than the MIMO, though, is that acting as a USB mini-display isn't its primary gigs: these are actually digital frames, featuring 1GB of internal storage and a built-in memory card slot. The mini-display functionality is just a nice little perk.

The 800x600 8-incher goes for around $142 while the 1024x600 inch 10-incher costs about $204.

Samsung Digital Frames Double As A Second PC Monitor [Technabob]

John Brownlee

New Lumix DMC-G1s are smallest cameras with interchangeable lenses

Panasonic's recently announced line of Lumix DMC-G1 cameras promises to be the smallest camera yet with support for interchangeable lenses.

It's an intriguing little camera, somewhere between a DSLR (which it ain't) and a point-and-shoot. The camera itself packs 12.1 MegaPixels, a high-res viewfinder, a fast autofocus and a focal-plane shutter. It will come with a Limix G Vario Vario 14-45mm/F3.5-5.6 ASPH/MEGA O.I.S lens, with a zoom lens and an adapter capable of fitting any Four Thirds lens you might already own sold separately.

They're certainly attractive little cameras with their red, black and blue chassises. I'm intrigued: I've been considering making the foray into the realm of DSLR, and the Lumix DMC-G1s look like a decent segue from the point-and-shoot world I know into perfectly focused pastures beyond.

Still, I'd be paying a hefty price for that slow immersion: at $800, the Lumix DMC-G1 is a few hundred dollars more than some entry level DSLR options.

Lumix DMC-G1: World's Smallest Camera With Interchangeable Lenses Priced at $800 [Gizmodo]

John Brownlee

Dr. Photon's excellent DIY spacesuit

MAKE spotted this fantastic space suit built by Flickr user dr_photon as a prop for a short film about a damn spaceman who refuses to get off a couple of ornery home owner's lawn. The film's cute, but it's really the space suit that impresses: with a couple glow sticks shoved up the spine and some spatters of red nail polish , this would make a great Dead Space costume for a Halloween gamer.

Spacesuit [Flickr via MAKE]

John Brownlee

Laser-etch your morning brew

An excellent morning project, courtesy of tonx and espressoparts: the laser-etching of green coffee beans.

laser bean [tonx]

John Brownlee

"PlushieBots, roll out!" Mickey Mouse Transformer

This unpainted Optimus Mickey prototype won't ship until next year (although you can pre-order it for $44.99 now) but it's certainly pretty neat, even if it seems that Mickey's transforming action makes him less an Autobot than an auto-fellator.

Mickey Mouse Transformer [Big Bad Toy Store via Nerd Approved]

John Brownlee

Amex's Blu-Ray SuperDrive for MacBooks

Blu-Ray may indeed be — to half-remember Steve Jobs brilliantly vivid metaphor — "a veiny, swollen sack of torsion-twisted hurt," but that's not to say consumers don't want that particular stiletto ground. Amex's portable Super Multi Drive stuffs a Blu-Ray drive capable of burning single layer BD-RE/-R discs, as well as standard DVDs and CDs.

It connects via USB, and comes in the usual shape of such design conscious peripherals, coming in the same dimensions as the Mac Minis and Apple TVs... not that you'll actually be able to plug this into those, since according to Amex's own system requirements, neither of those computers are actually capable of supporting the thing.

Either way, it's an attractive little drive. The player-only flavor retails for $289, where as the recorder will cost $100 more.

Portable Blu-Ray Super Multi Drive for MacBook [Amex Digital via Gizmodo]

John Brownlee

MacBooks less user servicable than ever

Crunchgear's list of reasons why damaging a MacBook is a worse idea than ever before brings up a lot of great points on why the glass-and-aluminum uniformity of Apple's newest laptops need to be eyed beneath a cocked eyebrow for anyone who doesn't store their computers in hermetically sealed vaults.

The big changes in the MacBook design, from a user service point of view:

• The glass screen is irreparable if broken, scuffed, or scratched, since it is fused with the lid.

• Dot-like spill sensors stuck to the innards like so many blind mute's ellipses, giving every Apple tech a reason not to repair your computer if it has been in the presence of that strange Earthen element, moisture.

• A keyboard that can't be replaced short of unwinding 80 screws.

Those last two really resonate with me, since I have spilled a couple beers on my MacBook Pro over the last three years, and in each case I found it cheaper and easier to replace the keyboard myself than try to argue with a Genius about the funky skunk water leaking out of the SuperDrive tray.

In truth, the new MacBooks are rather lovely, but with Genius Bar lines being what they are, I'm not really sure discouraging customers who actually are willing and capable of repairing their own busted products is such a hot idea. But Apple's been on this path for years, so no surprises.

5 Reasons Damaging Your MacBook Is A Worse Idea Than Ever [Crunchgear]

Rob Beschizza

Hands-on with Sony JS series all-in-one. First impression: hot specs, great price, a bit plasticy

A tinkering at the local electronics emporium leads to the following conclusions about Sony's new JS-series all-in-one desktop PCs.

• The $1,100 model played around was very responsive, even with multiple apps open. Getting 4GB of RAM in the base config is a good move by Sony, that area being the one computer makers often skimp painfully on to drive prices down.

• It was very quiet: no fan noise could be heard, though the store was quite busy.

• Lotsa inputs, with 5 USB ports (2 on the side of the display), a hardware WiFi on-off switch, S/PDIF an iLink connector and a a Memory Stick/SD card reader.

• The 500 GB hard drive, offered in all configs, is nice and expansive.

• The 20-inch, 1680 x 1050 display is pretty, but nothing fancy. Sound from the dual 3W speakers isn't going to be enough for people who like their movies and music loud.

• The case, which looks aluminum in ads, is just silver plastic. It's O.K., and doesn't detract from the minimalist design, but does make it visibly less beautiful than, say, an iMac.

• Its mouse is nasty: small, plastic and wired. The keyboard is also curiously fat.

• You won't be doing hardcore gaming, given the pairing of a E5200 Core 2 Duo CPU and Intel Mobile X4500HD video chip.

• Blu-Ray in an all-in-one desktop, especially a reasonably-priced one, is a killer. Though the Blu model is more expensive ($1,400) you also get a much faster CPU too. With an E8400, it should beat any iMac in productivity performance apart from the 3 GHz 24-incher, which is $850 more.

First impression: Sony's JS offers very strong hardware fundamentals for the price, though the trim, including peripherals, aren't perfect. Consider as an alternative to the iMac or HP's own AIO if you want Blu or powerful specs without having to pay too much.

VAIO® JS Series Desktop PC [SonyStyle]

Joel Johnson

Oobject Gallery: Monocoque design and the new MacBook

David Galbraith of Oobject trained as an architect, which always makes his commentary on the design of gadgetry come at interesting angles to that of regular ol' techdorks like me. I'm going to quote his latest write-up nearly in its entirety, but leave the actual Oobject gallery for you to go explore.

Apple's refresh of the Macbook line this fall is more evolutionary than revolutionary. In terms of design they have continued the trend, which started with the iPhone (see the drilled headphone jack hole on the original model) towards machining directly from block metal. This has lead to the latest Macbooks as being described as having monocoque structures, something which may not strictly be false but which is meaningless in the context.

A monocoque is a single piece shell structure, it is a nice sounding word and is often used in marketing literature because it sounds technical. Because of this, and because of the fact that things like commercial airliners are hybrids of frame and shell structures almost anything can be described as such. There is a perfect geodesic truss in the list below which is described as a monocoque shell structure (the opposite), while an ordinary soda can is a monocoque.

The use of machining for Apple parts has more to do with tolerances and finish and almost nothing to do with structure, so the term is not relevant.

Below we discuss the merits of things which are described as monocoque - but as for the Macbook, not really.

Mythbusting the Macbook monocoque from an architect's perspective [Oobject]

Joel Johnson

Let's build a gaming PC for $1k

I'm doing this conversational marketing campaign with Symantec. They're going to give me a grand to build a gaming PC from parts, I'm going to write about my experiences, and then when it's all said and done I'm going to auction the PC off for Child's Play. (After politely breaking it in with a few games for a month or two, of course. Just common courtesy.)

Most of the posts will actually be over on the Symantec site — my first post is over there already — but I thought you guys might be interested in helping me pick out parts.

I'm going for gaming performance exclusively, so bigger hard drives or quad-core isn't that important to me. I'd rather give up any nicety for pure speed.

I am going to splurge on one thing, though: That Antec Skeleton open-air case. It's nearly $200, but it should make all the building and troubleshooting much less of a hassle. Plus, you know, it's neat. And since it'll be a gaming PC and not a multimedia workstation, I really don't care if I can hear all the fans. It'll be off when I'm not using it anyway.

Following the Ars Bargain Box guide I think I can squeeze in right under $1k if I ditch silly things like an outboard sound card. Vista will have to be my OS since this is a gaming box. And Intel and ATI seem to have the CPU and GPU market tied up in the low end. Just have to figure out motherboards and which CPU and GPU to actually buy.

For the record, I hate building PCs. I find it just a miserable experience. This is even worse: I'm going to build one, go through all the trouble of making it run, and then give it away. (Or maybe I'll just donate $1k to Child's Play. That might be easier.)

John Brownlee

Studio Ghibli to branch into RPGs with The Another World

At last week's Tokyo Game Show, Level 5 announced their newest DS RPG, The Another World. The title's obviously a bit of Engrish, but it's forgivable: in a surprising move, Level 5 has teamed up with Hayao Miyazaki's Studio Ghibli, the animation house behind Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke and My Neighbor Totoro.

There's scant gameplay in the trailer, but the markings of a Studio Ghibli film are all there: the sweeping Joe Hisaishi orchestral score, the faded maps of strange fantasy lands, the strange dream-like tranquility of another world explored by a brave, wandering child. And the gameplay looks exciting: it appears to be based around drawing glyphs to cast spells, with each copy of the game sold having its own unique library of spells transcribed in a lovely custom spell book.

It's probably worth while having modest expectations of this one: there's only so much animation that can be crammed on a DS Cart. But an evolution of the Japanese RPG from the tired cliche of the Final Fantasy or Dragon Quest formula to something more approaching Miyazaki's folklore-inspired dreamscapes would be very welcome right about now.

First Footage of The Another World [DS Fanboy]

John Brownlee

Minoro is the world's first and cutest 3D webcam

The Minoru 3D Webcam isn't just another wonderful example of robo-pareidolia: unlike most web cams, it features two separate lenses, mixes them together in its elongated, pod-like skull and then beams the resulting three dimensional erection across the internet to jut out of the screen at some random Craigslister, clad in red-and-blue cellophane glasses... and nothing else.

Minoru [Official Site via Crave]

John Brownlee

Martyr lamp by the Play Coalition

Martyr by the Play Coalition: possibly the world's first suicidal night light.

Martyr [Play Coalition via Crunchgear]

Joel Johnson

Plush R2-D2 backpack is the droid you're looking for

This is awesome entirely because they didn't try to make it look anything like a backpack at all.

It's $65, plus shipping.

R2-D2 backpack catalog page [FredFlare.com] (Thanks, Kleer001!)

Previously • The ultimate LEGO Star Wars diorama
• Star Wars Shaggin' Wagon for Sale on eBay
• Sexy Star Wars stormtrooper boots
• Official LEGO Star Wars AT-AT Walker
• The Star Wars musical floppy
• Star Wars Toys That Were Not to Be
• Video: The making of original Star Wars' computer graphics
• Drivable X-34 Landspeeder replica by Star Wars modder Daniel Deutsch

Update: John also wrote this up but I beat him to the punch because I barely wrote anything.

Ever since I dumped my first girlfriend during a preschool Star Wars play session by telling her that she was no longer pretty enough to be Princess Leia and must now be Chewbacca, I have felt an affinity for Luke Skywalker, and this affinity only grows as I stand upon the threshold of my 30s.

Like Luke Skywalker in The Empire Strikes Back, I am a mop headed blond with a shrill castrati's voice and a once attractive face mangled by incompetent reconstructive surgery. Like Luke, I have strange psychic powers: under my penetrative stare, I have caused watch pots to boil, to name only one of my great works. Like Luke, I have made out with my own sister; like him, I am advised by a tiny green creature with strange, backwards speech patterns who clings to my back and exhorts me to kill my own father. It all fits.

One thing is missing, though: my own R2 unit. This R2-D2 backpack isn't a functional astromech droid, of course, but it does look as though it would store a mini-keg beneath its padded dome. I can't actually recall if Luke ever strapped R2D2 to his back, but I wouldn't be surprised: as far as I'm concerned, only Episodes IV - VI are canon, and all that Phantom Menace crap about R2 being able to fly is just guff. I'm sure Luke had to piggyback poor R2 from time to time: that droid was not meant for traversing Dagobah.

John Brownlee

Space Invaders alarm clock

For $78 dollars, one would hope that this cute little Space Invaders alarm clock — endorsed by Taito itself — is something you can actually play the titular game upon. Otherwise, what's the point? But unfortunately, it doesn't appear as though the Space Invaders alarm clock allows you to play Space Invaders at all! What a disappointment: I envisioned groggy 5am mornings defending Terra from descending pixel squids to turn off the alarm's cochlea-shredding bleeping.

Space Invaders Alarm Clock [Kilian Nakamura via Oh Gizmo!]

Joel Johnson

Magneat, a cable management system for headphones that might overthink it a bit

The "Magneat" is a simple little wire management system that uses a magnet to clip to your shirt. By winding your headphones' excess cable around its post, you'll be less likely to catch them on things. Or that's the pitch, anyway.

You can only buy them in Iceland at the moment, though, so you'll have some time to consider how much you want them before you make the flight over. Oh wait — you can buy them online and have them shipped over.

Honestly, the wire shortening I get, but I'm not quite sure why you'd want to attach it to your clothing.

Magneat product page [Magneat.com]

Joel Johnson

Things On My Desk: My Grandpa's "Lemonaid Loader"

I made a passing reference to "Lemonaid Loaders" (although I spelled it incorrectly), an old mail-order gadget meant to fit in-line from a data cassette tape deck, somehow cleaning up the signal, making failed loads (very common on the TRS-80) less likely. My grandfather Wayne Lemons built them in his converted garage workshop in his home on U.S. Route 65 in Buffalo, Missouri. I even helped him build a few when I was a toddler until it became clear that skill with a soldering iron wasn't part of his genetic legacy.

Gary Moore stumbled on that post I made and recalled it when he found an old Lemonaid Loader among the detritus of his TRS-80 (Model 1) stash. Being a gentleman, he sent it to me.

I'm so excited to have one, as after my grandfather died most of his workshop got parted out among the family (I have his TRS-80 4P luggable, while I'm told the Model 1 was donated to the Smithsonian, although now that I remember that it seems too odd to be true; I'm checking up on that). Nobody thought to save any of the Lemonaid Loaders at the time — there were just too many around to be thought of as valuable.

My grandfather was a huge inspiration, a man who gave me a love of technology, music, and the joy of being a recalcitrant bastard from the moment I could first think. He built the town's first radio station by hand. He wrote the "Learn Electronics Through Troubleshooting" manual that was the Army's basic electronics manual for years (much to the embarrassment of my uncle when he went to West Point). He received a letter from the first television station to broadcast in Kansas City when their transmitter went online; he was the only person they knew of in Southern Missouri who had a television — because he'd built one by hand. He was a writer, a cartoonist, and a musician with his own home recording studio decades before that became commonplace. He was a Radio Shack franchisee. (Nobody's perfect.)

Most of the artifacts I have of his life were destroyed over the years through neglect and an unfortunate double-whammy of fires, so all I have left of his technical achievements are the textbooks he wrote and this Lemonaid Loader. Which is plenty. So thank you, Gary.

Joel Johnson

Things On My Desk: A Verterra leaf bowl that I put through the dishwasher

I've been using the bowls I ordered from Verterra — the dishes made from pressed leaves – for a couple of weeks now. They're sold as disposable, but can be hand-washed and reused without much issue. They'll warp a little as they dry, but they tend to retain their essential bowlness. I've even heated up some stuff in the microwave which freaked me out a little, not because I thought they'd lose structure, but because I thought the food might cook into the leaf a little bit making them more difficult to clean. But so far that hasn't happened.

What has happened is that I put one in the dishwasher. It's pretty much unusable now — it went pretty flat — but what's good to know is that it stayed in one piece. The Verterra bowls are clearly pressed from a single leaf, so the worst that's going to happen if you put one in the dishwasher is that you lose the bowl, which is supposed to be disposable anyway. I didn't even notice any bits of plant matter on any other clean dishes.

When we first pointed these out, someone said they were a representative of Verterra and would ask the CEO about whether or not it would be possible to see the same technique being applied to local leaf stocks, since importing a bunch of disposable plates from Asia isn't exactly the greenest option in the world. We still haven't heard back, but it's a fair question.

Otherwise, though, I'm really impressed by these. I feel a little weird about mail-ordering semi-disposable plates and bowls, but if I could pick these up at a local store I'd probably keep several stacks of different sizes on hand.

Verterra product page [Verterra.com]

Joel Johnson

Things On My Desk: Objet Alaris 30 Desktop 3D Printer demo

I wish Objet had sent me a working unit of their new "desktop-sized" Alaris 30 3-D printer, but instead I got a box with a tiny car that had been printed on the machine inside. It's pretty impressive, though, with working gears and moving parts that were presumably all printed in one piece, not reassembled after the fact.

Despite asking, Objet wouldn't send me a unit out with which to print a few thousand 3D duplicates of my face with penises for eyes, so if your Christmas morning has been diminished you can blame them. They also probably don't just ship out $40,000 rapid prototyping machines to just any random pervert.

That 3D printers are getting smaller and relatively less expensive is exciting, though. It'll be another decade — barring DIY solutions like Rep Rap, of course – before we're really using these in homes, but it's coming!

Alaris30 Desktop 3D Printer product page [Objet.com]

Joel Johnson

Video: "Chaos Theory" 64k demo by Conspiracy

Oh, demoscene. I always forget you, then you come back to remind me why you are awesome. From the YouTube description:

Video version of "Chaos Theory", a 64k intro by the Hungarian demoscene group Conspiracy. First presented at Assembly 2006, where it reached second place.

Also appeared at various film festivals such as Bitfilm, HDFEST, Ars Prix Electronica and most recently, SIGGRAPH 2007.

John Brownlee

Apple.fr: The New MacBooks are Perfectly Shit.

Why you shouldn't translate your corporate websites via Google Translate: according to TUAW, Apple's attempts to inform the French that the new MacBooks were "perfectly designed" was translated into grenouille as "perfectly dumb"... or, more vulgarly, "perfectly shit."

Zut alors! MacBook announcement doesn't translate well [TUAW]

John Brownlee

The Brionvega RR226: the surprised robot stereo

In 1965, Italian designers Pier Giacomo and Achille Castiglioni crafted the Brionvega Radiofonografo RR126: a gorgeous masterpiece of 60s stereo design, featuring a radio, speakers, amplifier and phonograph, as well as a wonderfully pareidolic robot face made up of the knob and dial design.

Short of seeing one in a museum, you can't easily buy an RR126, but Brionvega have just announced a refresh: the RR226, boasting the same cute looks (the RR126 looks like nothing so much as a surprised, octagon-eared robot) and with a CD and DVD player packed in to boot.

The price has yet to be announced, but it's going to be expensive.

Brionvega [Official Site via Retro-To-Go]

Joel Johnson

Verizon and AT&T provide cellular to Cindy McCain's ranch; So what?

The Washington Post examines the installation of mobile cellular towers — COWs, or "cellular on wheels" trucks — that extend wireless coverage to Cindy McCain's Sedona, Arizona ranch which has served as a getaway from presidential candidate John McCain.

Verizon ultimately abandoned its effort to install a permanent tower in August. Company spokesman Jeffrey Nelson said the project would be "an inappropriate way" to build its network. "It doesn't make business sense for us to do that," he added.

Instead, Verizon delivered a portable tower known as a "cell site on wheels" - free of charge - to the McCain property in June, after the Secret Service began inquiring about improving coverage in the area. Such devices are used for providing temporary capacity where coverage is lacking or has been knocked out, in circumstances ranging from the Super Bowl to hurricanes.

In July, AT&T followed suit, wheeling in a portable tower for free to match Verizon's offer. "This is an unusual situation," AT&T spokeswoman Claudia B. Jones said. "You can't have a presidential nominee in an area where there is not cell coverage."

Exclusive: Verizon and AT&T Provided Cell Towers for McCain Ranch [WashingtonPost.com]

John Brownlee

MIMO 7-inch LCD monitors for menus, widgets and contact lists

Ever since I plugged a secondary monitor into my computer for the first time, I've had a maxim: the more displays hooked up to your machine, the better. If you scoff, try it out: you would be amazed at what a difference additional real estate can have. You'll find yourself more comfortably multi-tasking, kenneling similar applications on distinct monitors: typing apps in the center, image manipulation apps to the right, with the most sinistral LCD constantly visualizing your iTunes playlist or playing an episode of Futurama.

I've always fancied adding another, smaller monitor to my current setup. I envisioned a tiny corral for my IM contacts window, a clock, an unread email counter, contained inside a display scarcely larger than a digital frame.

The MIMO display (Korea only, for now) seems like just the ticket. A small, 7" LCD that connects to your computer as an additional monitor via a spare USB port, the MIMO is surprisingly cheap.The basic, screen-only version is only $78, where as the more advanced UM-750 features a touchscreen, TV tuner and built-in webcam for only $147.

Keeping my fingers crossed that this hits the States... and by the time it does, it adds in Mac support.

MIMO [Funshop Korea via Technabob]

John Brownlee

Android Market has a killswitch, but Google will refund your money if they use it

The passing mention of an application kill switch in the Android Market terms of service is sure to raise the hackles of the same eyebrow archers who saw the presence of an App Store kill switch in the iPhone as downright perfidy.

Still, read closer, and Google's explanation on when, why and how they'll refund your money in case the big red kill switch button is ever pressed is certainly better than Apple's close lipped non-explanation:

Google may discover a product that violates the developer distribution agreement ... in such an instance, Google retains the right to remotely remove those applications from your device at its sole discretion... [and make] reasonable efforts to recover the purchase price of the product... from the original developer on your behalf.

Also! You can return any application within a 24 hour period for a full refund. That's neat, but I can't imagine they won't tighten that paperwork nightmare up to something that discourages trying, then returning. Most of the iPhone apps I've bought I'd probably have returned within 24 hours if I'd had the option.

The Android Fine Print [Computer World]

Rob Beschizza

T-Mobile G1 Google Android review roundup

• Gizmodo: The G1 phone and the Android operating system are not finished products..

• Engadget: The G1 isn't going to blow anyone's mind right out of the gate.

• Om Malik: Will I recommend this phone to anyone out there looking for a smart phone? The answer is yes, especially if you don’t much care for either Windows Mobile or Apple’s iPhone device..

• Mossberg: The G1 is a very good first effort, and a godsend for people who prefer physical keyboards or T-Mobile.

• L.A. Times: So far, I feel smart enough with what I have. But I did get my geek fix from the G1.

• CNET: It's not quite there yet, so for now, the G1 is best suited for early adopters and gadget hounds, rather than consumers and business users.

Zeitgeist? The meh of the oppressed creature.

Photo: Gizmodo.

Rob Beschizza

Nielsen says 10 million not ready for Analog TV switchoff

Despite government handouts designed to protect their constitutional right to television, 10m Americans with old sets still haven't picked up their subsidized digital decoder boxes. And it's getting close to cutoff time: according to the plan, over-the-air broadcasts go completely digital in just four months.

The critical fact that big box retailers don't mention when you walk past the giant pyramid of these things by the checkout lanes: if you have cable TV, you do not need one. Y'all know that, of course, but your folks might not!

Survey: 10 Million Not Ready for Analog TV's Death [Wired: Gadget Lab]

Rob Beschizza

Iomega's new terabyte network drive is small, cheap, and looks like it gets the job done

I lag behind my colleagues in the home-storage 'n' networking stakes. Joel has some stout NAS box that's probably larger than my Shuttle PC, and John's got a home theater PC, Airport expresses, the lot. He can probably flush the crapper with his iPhone.

Me, I have a 4-year old USB drive plugged into an old router. Network throughput: about 1MB a second. Yeah, so I'm not exactly the Torrent Monster. But all that could change, as Iomega's simple 1TB network hard drive is $300, has gigabit ethernet, and built-in uPnP and iTunes server support. And with the 2TB version being only $480, it's not bad on price, either.

Tempted.

Iomega releases 1TB network hard drive [CrunchGear]

Rob Beschizza

Citroen SUV concept has rainbow upholstery

Citroen's Hypnos luxury concept car has suicide doors, an "aggressive stance," and gaily-colored upholstery. Inventorspot claims it will "Challenge Your Mind," but to be honest, I think your wardrobe in going to have a tougher battle.

The Citroen Hypnos Will Challenge Your Mind [Inventor Spot via Ubergizmo]

Joel Johnson

RKS Gig Stand, a folding guitar caddy

Although they appear to be slowly going off the market, the "RKS Gig Stand" looks like a nice bit of folding plastic for guitar players. The whole thing closes shut and then collapses on itself when not in use, making it easy to stash in a gig bag for travel.

If you can find them, they look like the go for $20 or so. I believe the reason they're difficult to find at the moment is that RKS Design is coming out with a "G II" model. (The same people who designed the KOR water bottle.)

Joel Johnson

Blackbird, Fly: Plastic vintage-inspired camera uses 35mm film

The "Blackbird, Fly" is an all-new, all-analog camera from Japan's Superheadz that recreates the square images and down-looking viewfinder of an old Rolleiflex, but does so on 35mm film. Which I'm sure is fun and makes fine, interesting images and everything, but would drive me nuts. I'll make my blurs and smudges the old fashioned way, thanks: by being a horrible photographer.

But if you feel the need, the "Blackbird, Fly" is going to cost around $100. I'm sure someone will import a few for our Lomo-addled photographer friends soon enough.

BBF blackbird, fly TLR camera from Superheadz [Killian-Nakamura.com via Josh Spear]

Joel Johnson

RjDj: Live ambient soundscape generator for iPhone, which is way more awesome than it sounds

"RjDj" is a new iPhone application that mixes audio data from the iPhone's microphone in realtime and plays them back out your headphones to create an electronic musicish environment. Different "scenes" exist in lieu of proper songs, each of which use the open "Pd" descriptor language to define what to do with the sounds coming in through the microphone. Your voice might be remixed into a flanging loop in one scene; another might use increased volume to change the melody of a song.

It's easier to watch in the video than it is to explain — and even easier to understand if you just download it and play with it. I spent a couple of hours with my headphones in while working today and just let the environment integrate into the soundscape around me. It was hard not hum or whistle little tunes just to hear what they would do.

If you've ever consumed psychedelics, the auditory effects in some of the scenes are very similar to the time-slipping, inverse cascading repeats that can be provoked by some chemicals.

There are two versions: a $3 "Album" and a free "Single" with just one scene. I bought the "Album" and haven't felt at all ripped off, but the "Single" is a no-brainer download. I do hope there will be ways to add new scenes into the program without buying a whole different application.

I can't wait to see what else can be done with these sort of modern smartphone applications. (There's nothing RjDj does that couldn't be done on Android or any other OS, I think, sans the accelerometer interface.) Walking into different parts of town, tracked by GPS, might offer up a different set of samples, for instance. Someone could literally build an interactive, evolving soundtrack that emerges from the city as you walked around. You could add an ominous percussion track whenever two or more units were within close proximity.

Exclusive RjDj Interview: Interactive Music Listening, Everywhere You Go [CreateDigitalMusic.com]
RjDj Album [iTunes]
RjDj Single (Free) [iTunes]

Joel Johnson

gadget, a word

While the etymology of gadget is a bit murky, it's my unschooled opinion that its nautical origin feels the most correct: sailors' slang word for any small mechanical thing or part of a ship for which they lacked, or forgot, a name. [Etymology Online]

Michael Quinion points out that Kipling popularized its use eventually, having probably picked up the term on a few steamer trips to India from attendant sailors.

There's a semantic implication to the original nautical use that I find especially compelling, even if I'm reading too much into it: a "gadget" was something consequential enough to ship function to be desired by a sailor, but not so essential or common that it had a memorable name. It was the sort of thing you were certain would make your life easier, but by its very nature wasn't useful enough for most of its users to remember.

To quote another popular sailing adage from the 1850s: "That's fuckin' deep."

Joel Johnson

Horological Machine HM3

This is a crazy watch. It's got three dials. One of the dials shows off the automatic rotor through a glass top.

It's called the HM3 Sidewinder if you buy it in bronze. It is called the HM3 Starcruiser if you buy it in silver. I don't know how much it costs.

LOL

Horological Machine HM3 product page [MBandF.com via Watchismo Times]

Marvin Battelle

Marvin says "Bye Bye, Infomercia!" (OR: "Taste the rainbow, you goddamn fruits!')

You know, even with flux capacitors slapped all over my dermis like the nicotine patches of your cigarette junkies, ripping yourself free of the timestream isn't exactly a frickin' lark.

How can I explain time travel so you PR Tapeworm Slurpee suckers can understand? Imagine pulling yourself inside out by your urethra. I didn't exactly undertake it lightly, but I felt like it was my duty to fulfill my destiny. Had my DNA not been scraped off the stains glowing under blacklight upon the bloated belly of Big Boinger? Had that same DNA not been matched nine hundred years later to the pink foot of Mama Battelle's squiggling broodling? And do I not rock right the fuck hard, right out of time? I do.

So I came to you and walked among you. I hacked your system. I squirted ice cream into your mouths out of the black, puckered nipples of your Black and Decker brand Food-A-Trons. I broke the DRM of your bacon products. I joined up with your Happy Mutants, convinced themselves to make love, not meat bombs. I tried to show you a world in which you read press releases not simply looking for things to buy, but to make things out of: whether a better life or a working Bowel Disruptor.

It really could have been pretty motherfuckin' A. But from most, the reaction was incredulity. Time and time again, I was mistaken for a fancy robot puppy from Sony. And then the bodies of my acolytes started hitting the slaughter room floor of Room 101. Fearing I was making no headway, I double checked my chronometric galvoneter, to make sure I'd got the right coordinates. And there it was.

Oops. My bad. Infomercia is Timeline Q. The world I'm meant to liberate is Timeline Alpha. So nuts to this scene. According to Timeline Alpha prophesy, my next stop is to wake up in an ion cloud somewhere in the middle of a Nebraskan cornfield, where I will begin my real campaign of great works. And when I'm there, you know what, fuck all this Jesus jazz. I'm just going to call everyone there a chimp and be done with it.

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

The Denoument to all this Nonsense is at Hand

It saddens me to report that only one minister remains: your humble servo, C.P. Wang. Ministers Inspiron Touchpreaux and Thanko Brando are no longer with us.

Their turncoat interest in the unpleasant arts of creative engineering, "hacking," contravening end-user license agreements—that poor Dreamcast! Deprecated as it is, what horror!—and such is at an end. See it not as their failure, people of Infomercia (though it was), but as the work of the evil meat-thing Marvin.

I executed them both myself, dunked in a holy vat of His Ballmer's pillowsweat at the Palace of Vested Interests. Trust that it was a fitting end: Given the circumstances, it's the most candybar outcome they deserved.Their credit lines have been closed and their subscriptions ended.

As for Marvin, his come-uppance is forthcoming. You see, I have spoken to him myself.

You can trust, dearest fellows, there will be no more public antics of such distasteful character as were inflicted by that ... creature. In the meantime, our scutters are hard at work repairing the damage.

• The Space Gherkin is no longer magenta. The "veins" have been removed. The Ministry extends its apologies to Swiss Re.

• The National Television Reserve, raided and filled with 1-inch tall obsenity-spewing robots, has been restored to normality.

• We have removed 400 million floating LED throwies from Boston harbor.

• Inserting a Nettron Wireless Water Polishing Stick into urine will no longer give it the superficial appearance of wine.

• You phones have been re-locked to Sprinattmobilezon. During the recovery phase, text messages sent may be billed at prices as high as 1 cent per SMS. Even the Ministry understands that this is quite ridiculous, however, and will endeavor to return to a sensible schedule at the first possible opportunity.

Thank you,

Cray Pippin Wang, Minister of Machines.

Minister Thanko Brando

MiniMac in the shadow of Marvin

This morning started as it always does: gritting my iPod-white teeth, I fingered the open trephine hole of my auxiliary port, smelled my fingers to detect any spillage and then — untangling the knots of the buycrime detecting umbilical that slithers out to my desk from Big Boinger's central hub — inserted the massive Cat-5 into my Thalamus.

But nothing happened. Something should have happened. My brain should have been awash in the matrix of morning deals; the Morning Reverie should have blared into my brain; electro-chemical orgasms should have been induced, again and again, as I had the bodies of the latest product revisions raped into my brain, leaving me as spent and without free will as a man who has just ejaculated his entire limbic system onto the floor. At the very least? The curious sensation of smelling overloaded synapse ozone from within the vacuum of my own skull. But there was nothing. Big Boinger just wasn't there anymore.

I looked over at my two colleagues. Minister Wang simply rocks back and forth muttering regulations, folded in on himself like some sort of spindly, fetal praying mantis. Minister Touchpreaux's reaction is more interesting: what once was a golem of listless oatmeal has now transformed into a manic marionette of enthusiasm, playing with strange blob-like creatures gelatinously inhabiting his iPhone and whistling to himself, only pausing to scatter off a burst of prose so discordantly uncouched from the Fifth Edition of Infomercia's NuPR Lexicon and plosively mouth "Yes. Yes!" to himself.

Of course, there is a procedure to follow in situations like these. Hardware fails... it's supposed to. I took out the emergency PR pack from under my desk, its cover stenciled with the Checkbook font, and broke the seal; from within, I removed the Portable Big Boing Mainframe, and turned it on.

>HELLO. NOW SPELL ANYTHING.

"EMERGENCY PROTOCOL," I queried.

> INCORRECT. NOW SPELL PROBLEM.

"Marvin."

>CORRECT. NOW SPELL MAKE.

"Make."

>CORRECT. NOW SPELL CRAPGADGET.

I thrilled. This is a forbidden word. "Crapgadget," I typed.

>CORRECT. NOW SPELL MEATBOMB.

My indoctrination continues. Big Boinger isn't here anymore. Marvin has stepped right into the machine. I'm plugging him in now.

Virtual Big Boinger Field Kit [Official Site via Red Ferret]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

Infomercia, 'Tis for thee

My fellows, for shame! When we gene-spliced Gates and Jobs in Morita's warm enzyme bath, did we not create an eternal model for art? Is not Clive Sinclair's inventessence in the flesh vats of Merck, from which we all were born? Two ministers propagating not His Refulgent word, but that of the enemy!? Hacking dreamcasts? Challenging our engineers!?

Sirs, I know it is difficult, without the umbilicus, to remain focused. And these "commenters" who question us — phaugh! Do not think we fear the dissolute ideology at the heart of this rebellion. Technology is external: it cannot embody any notion of creative expression, any more than the sun could rise backwards! It is a door, a shining, rainbow-filled glowing happy door, to the creative works that so many at the Ministry of Intellectual Propriety lovingly craft. Is that not enough wonder?

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

SanDisk slotMusic player is inexpensive and simple

Music is the heartbeat of our splendor. Each of our marches are developed by a quorum of Infomercia's finest emotional engineers who spend years carving each precision inspiration out of a block of solid white noise, leaving only the poignant and potent sonics for you to consume. And consume them you must, not just at the Five Allotted Panderings, but even between in your personal mobes or on your jeejahs. It is the Ministry's duty and pleasure only to provide you with as many options as possible for bathing your brainpan in vibrating triumph — so long as you choose as many of those options as you can afford.

Here's another: The SanDisk slotMusic player, a W20 MP3 player with no internal storage. Instead, tiny microSD cards — the aforementioned "slotMusic" — are inserted, each pre-filled with music from Riaafolese cartels. There is no way to hook up the slotMusic player to your central computer — and no need! Instead, continue to purchase additional albums on microSD card to be inserted into this elementary, screenless player. The clacking of tiny plastic chits in your pocket lets you know it's working!

I feel a little strange mentioning this, but I can't help but wonder if there weren't a way for our engineers to have constructed a smaller player. I know that sounds unpatriotic, but hear me out: if one of the advantages of the tiny slotMusic flash memory chips is their size, could not a player just barely larger than the chip itself be constructed? Surely the MP3 decoding hardware isn't too...I'm ahead of myself. The replaceable, 15-hour AAA battery inside must have predicted this logical decision.

Hands On: SanDisk's Sansa slotMusic Player [Gearlog.com]
SanDisk Sansa slotMusic Player: the new Discman? [Crave.CNET.com]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

Compulsory purchase orders for Wednesday

• Defend the revolution with Samsung's new Q, R, X, and P Series notebooks and its NC10 netbook! Samsung's entry into the Infomercian notebook market provides a complete computing service to its customers and solidifies Samsung as a global technology leader with advanced mobile computing designs of the highest reliability and quality. Purchasers of yesterday's MacBooks are not, repeat not exempt from this compulsory purchase order.

• Buy Sharp's new Aquos DX LCD screens include an integrated Blu-Ray player for essential double market penetration. Available in screen sizes from 26"-52", they are all reasonably priced at w1,600 to w4,900, a premium of only 40 percent over purchasing the components separately.

• MacVelope's vinyl MacBook Air case is only 50 times the price of the manila envelopes upon which it is modeled. Infomercians who use these to send in payment for their finance charges are entitled to 300 cynicism bonus reward points for the consemester.

Rest assured, citizen consumers, that all is as it should be in Infomercia and that the meatnologist threat has been almost completely eliminated. That having been said, it is your duty to observe the following covenants.

i) If a mysterious stranger attempts to discuss technology face to face with you, proceed immediately to an authority station. Do not attempt to detain him. Report by email, instant message or tweet. Do not attempt to speak in his manner: flapping your meat is an unauthorized mode of communication.

ii) The strange items being left around Infomercia are ancient writing implements known as "pencils" and "pens." Do not stop to inspect, examine or inventorize them. Do not pick up the blank sheets of paper nearby. Posession of blank paper may result in substantial fines. Posession of grid paper carries a custodial sentence.

iii) Rumors that local matter replicators are now dispensing only ice cream are not true. Do not eat ice cream.

I hope my fellow ministers will join me in roundly condemning the actions taken by the horrorists.

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

Custom portable Dreamcast is fascinating, punishable offense

Here's a curious thing: A citizen has taken several state-issued items, disassembled them, and reassembled them into a new item that performs a function only slightly different than the original core object.

While almost certainly illegal — it's difficult for me to quickly look up the regulations this "Hailrazer" fellow is violating without the assistance of our umbilical custodial daemons in parsing our glorious two trillion lines of Infomercian legal allowances — I cannot help but wonder if this project, in which a Sega Dreamcast has been crammed into a Lazer Doodle toy case, does not in some way comment on the industrious and creative spirit that, when properly shepherded by the loving hand of our state, lives within the minds of every Infomercian.

Still, what a bafflement! This "DarthCast" project seems only to replicate the ability of our official Dreamcast entertainment nugget (now deprecated; if you have a lingering unit that has not reported itself to a local sub-node, please incinerate manually). Why would a citizen take all the time to create this non-standard device when its functionality has already been replicated with newer, official products many times over? It must be a desire to taste a small portion of the pride felt by Minimac itself when it imagines a new item for each of to enjoy.

I hope to answer these questions and more when interviewing Hellrazer, who was corralled and seized for reprocessing at 0721 this morning, along with several cohabitants of his vine when they objected to the mandatory quarantine and incineration of their housing modules.

DarthCast .My next portable started. FINISHED :) [Forums.BenHeck.com]

Minister Thanko Brando

ALERT: New line of "Pac-Man Pleasure Models" are Happy Mutant agents

Intelligence reports indicate that a new line of unlicensed Pleasure Models have been unveiled across the Metropolis. Scantly clad in lingerie that proudly displays their creamy expanses of "biomechanical" flesh and gossamer "fiber optic" lanugo, these Pleasure Models bear MiniLust's official seal upon their hubs: Pac-Man, the seed gobbling procreational mascot of our great super-conglomerate.

If you are approached by such a unit, know that these so-called "Pleasure Models" are, in fact, Meatnological agents of the rogue terrorist Marvin Battelle, and any claims they may make to being "carrier unlocked" are not only false, but criminal.

A reminder to all Infomercian consumers from MiniMac: when shopping for a new candybar to assist you in T9-ing your chromosomal transcription to the newest refreshes in your genetic product line, please be aware that pecuniary transaction is required by law and a two-year contract is obligatory. For pay-as-you-go customers, be advised that the only state-endorsed vendor is Hoover's line of suctioning Pleasure Models. Failure to comply may result in a compulsory recall of your entire product line.

If you are approached by an unfamiliar Pleasure Model, please closely examine their I/O port cover before inserting your SIM. If it is embossed with the image of a ghost, please report her immediately to MiniLust as a Happy Mutant spook.

Miss Video Game [3Wishes]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

Keep Calm: Broadcasting will resume presently

Rob Beschizza

Microsoft announces 20 editions of Windows 7! (j/k)

Earlier today, Microsoft confirmed that its next operating system, codenamed Windows 7, would in fact be called just that when it hits shelves at some point in the next few years. Good on 'em, I say: a simple, no-nonsense name suggests they're approaching it with a clearer eye than they had cooking up the hypefest that was Vista.

But if there's an instinct that Microsoft will find hard to put to bed, it's the one that led to more versions of Vista than can be counted on one hand. The place is run by a sales guy, after all! Click through for our exclusive leaked ad covering the 20 separate editions of Windows 7, straight from our anonymous sauce.

READ THE REST

Joel Johnson

Apple MacBook Pro, MacBook Air, and MacBook upgrades

Apple today announced two new laptop computers, available for sale tomorrow. The updated MacBook Pro and the updated MacBook share a new unibody aluminum "brick" manufacturing process; black, backlit keys (on the Pro and higher-end MacBook only); a new, buttonless multitouch glass keypad that supports up to four finger gestures; and a faster video chip from Nvidia.

The new MacBook Pro gets a second discrete video card from Nvidia, while losing the FireWire 400 port for a FireWire 800 port. The new MacBook eschews FireWire entirely.

Both machines have glossy screens with no matte finish and no Blu-Ray drive for watching high-definition movies. Both also use Apple's new display plug, the "Mini DisplayPort".

The new MacBook starts at $1,300; the new MacBook Pro at $2,000.

Apple also announced a price drop of its existing plastic MacBook to $1,000 (although it's reasonable to expect they are marking time until they can reduce the price of the aluminum MacBook); a new 24-inch widescreen monitor with integrated camera and speakers for $900 with a measly 1,920 by 1,200 pixel resolution; and an upgrade to the MacBook Air that incorporates the new Mini DisplayPort and faster Nvidia graphics.

MacBook Pro product page [Apple.com]
MacBook product page [Apple.com]

John Brownlee

Huffy modified into gas-powered superbike

MAKE spotted this fantastic gas power mod of a stock Huffy cruiser picked up at a flea market for $25.00. Not only does the whitewashed frame look fantastic, but it's a respectable scooter replacement to boot: the modified Huff gets 125mpg and tops out around 40MPH.

Retro Gas-Powered Bike [British Car Forum via MAKE]

John Brownlee

Audio Desk System will whittle your CDs into perfect circles

As all men know, the perfect rotundity of the compact disc is necessary to prevent warbling and jittering in the digital audio stream. Up until now, though, any music aficionado who happened to accidentally purchase elliptical or even square compact discs from disreputable music blackmarketers were forced to take compass and grinder in hand and attempt to eyeball it.

But no longer: from the land of leberkase und schweinefleisch comes the Audio Desk System, which for the mere price of $900 can grind any stuttery CD in your collection back into a mathematically perfect disc. A compulsory investment for any audiophile, worth its weight in literal gold.

Ultra System [Official Site via Gizmodo]

Joel Johnson

Here's where to follow the Apple Notebook keynote live. As in, not here.

• Engadget – Standard blog post, reverse chronological, with pictures. Does not autorefresh.

• Gizmodo – Auto-refreshing web page with pictures.

• MacRumors – A Twitter feed.

• Ars Technica – A regular blog post.

• Macworld – A regular blog post. Macworld's post-mortems tends to be very well written.

• Technologizer – A regular blog post. I've never followed one of McCracken's liveblogs, so I'm looking forward to seeing how he does.

John Brownlee

Microsoft announces memory upgrade plan for Arcade and Core owners

The folly of releasing an SKU so gimped that it can't even handle firmware updates is worth a scoff or two, especially when it was a cynical grab at undercutting the Wii's price point, but you have to give Microsoft credit: they've at least come up with a solution for Xbox 360 Arcade owners who don't have enough space to install the New Xbox Experience update.

And it's pretty generous too. Microsoft's Xbox 360 Memory Upgrade program will dole out a 20GB refurbished hard drives and three months of Xbox Live to Arcade owners willing to drop a triad of hamiltons. Got a Core system? Trade your serial number for a free 512MB memory unit, or pay $20 for a 20GB hard drive.

Of course, our nemeses over at Engasia friends at Engadget really do head butt the nail through the two-by-four: ultimately, this is more evidence of a flawed dual-SKU plan that has cost gamers and developers alike than real magnanimity. But it's comforting to see Microsoft throw a life raft to their most frugal (or clueless) customers.

Xbox Memory Update [Xbox.com via Engadget]

John Brownlee

Acer Aspire X3200 HTPC gets Blu-Ray

I continue to love my Acer Aspire X3200 as a wonderfully tiny, low power sipping, extremely affordable all-in-one HTPC solution. There's something to be said for going out and buying exactly what you need instead of hobbling together a Frankenstein solution from spare parts.

Unfortunately, one of the features missing from the last-gen of Aspire X3200s was Blu-Ray. It didn't bother me too much since I only have marginal interest in Blu-Ray, but I would have been delighted if Acer had included it.

Looks like I bought my X3200 a month too early, then. Acer has just announced that they are upgrading the X3200 with a 2.1GHz AMD Phenom X3 processor, 4GB RAM, a 640GB hard drive and a built-in Blu Ray drive for $680. That's a fantastic upgrade. If you need a home theater PC, get this one.

Acer AX3200 Desktop PC [Slashgear]

John Brownlee

1942 Philco Radio becomes Mac Mini jukebox

Good Lord. Sandy Winkelman's computer mod takes a gorgeously walnut Philco Radio from 1942, rips out its transistors and installs a touchscreen Mac Mini in its base. Each one of my hands is sending conflicting electro-chemical signals up into my brain: should Sandy Winkelman be strangled to death for destroying such a gorgeous old radio, or hugged to death for dreaming up the most attractive Mac Mini case mod ever? Actually, come to think of it, I can probably do both at the same time.

[via The Ubiquitous Apple Weblog]

John Brownlee

The Bloody Throne of King Kyocera

Surveying the spoils of the kingdom he had hewn — through sliced sinew and spurting gore — from the clenched grip of the Nokian warchief still twitching at his feet, King Kyocera allowed a grim smile to play upon his lips.

It had not been easy to win back his birthright, the Dragon Throne, from the Nordic hordes who had razed, raped and pillaged his homeland; harder still to forge the barbarian tribes of shattered Gojoseon — the Samsungian snake-worshipers, the Cowon anthropophagi, the blind, sun-staring Heliosians — into an army under his banner.

But was not this King Kyocera's birthright? Had he not been ripped from his manufacturer's teat, enslaved in the chthonic pockets of a Japanese pre-teen? But what does not kill you makes you stronger. Each scuff and key nick became a fearsome battle scar; his antenna flexed from a short nub to a galvanic lightning rod; his battery power surged.

Yes, all this had been hard fought, hard won, but now it was his. King Kyocera rang for his candybar wenches, not with the polyphonic warbling that was the eunuch-like voice of so many of his people, but with a lion's roar. His blood thirst had been quenched; now, his lust would be as well.

Dragon Chair [Coolstuff4U via Nerd Approved]

John Brownlee

HDTV Easel Stand

As it turns out, a stray easel makes a wonderfully arty and humanizing HDTV stand. This is such a brilliant idea that it makes me both squeefully shudder and well up with self-loathing that I didn't think of it first, instead opting to trephine my alt bau wall.

Easel HDTV Stand [Unpluggd via Ectomo]

Joel Johnson

Wooden replicas of ordinary and extraordinary gadgets

What I find most interesting about Ron Van Der Ende's wooden replicas of everyday objects is now how well crafted they may be — very well crafted! — but how much the end results end up looking like Impressionist paintings when photographed.

Not all of his work is of plebeian items, though. He's done some Apollo capsules and Russian satellites, too.

Ron Van De Ende sculpture [ArtBBQ.nl via MAKE:]

Joel Johnson

What does being the "Official Blog Partner" of CES actually mean?

Engadget has been selected as the "Official Blog Partner" of CES. TechCrunch, among others, are viewing it less as a prize awarded to Engadget and more like a penalty against Gizmodo for the stunt it pulled last year.

It's impossible to understand from the press release if extra access is to be granted to Engadget, but I have a hard time there's all that much more access to grant. They're a big outlet for consumer electronics news these days — any access they don't get to see products or talk to executives is due only to foolishness on the part of the companies they cover. It's an odd announcement, but similar to most regarding CES (such as the awards): meaningless and serving only to promote the announcement itself.

There's something slightly uncomfortable about a media organization being an official partner with a trade organization, but we're talking gadget coverage here, which like its cousin "games journalism" is inexorably bound to the companies whose products are covered. It's all a sticky mess — made worse by the fact that the "rewritten press release" form of blogging is actually what most of the audience actually wants to read. I don't think it's that big of a deal, but only because the entire industry just isn't that important.

Which is not to say congratulations are not in order. It's pretty incredible that in just four or five years since inception Engadget has gone from a couple of puckish guys hustling around the tradeshow floor to a sanctioned, official outlet of CES. It's a meaningless honor, perhaps, but one that is the product of a lot of hard work.

Update: Engadget contacted me to make sure I understood that there is no extra access granted to the CES show by CEA nor any money exchanging hands. It's just a co-promotional endeavor. Fair enough! If I were in their shoes, I would probably do the same thing.

Rob Beschizza

Make cotton from any candy with Ame de Wataame's sugar spinner

Ame de Wataame's $160 machine is claimed to turn any sweeties into cotton candy. But will it work with bacon? Why walk the fairgrounds with a sticky tumbleweed of empty calories when one could be enjoying a shroud of delicious, gossamer-spun meat?

Custom Home Cotton Candy Maker [Killian Nakamura via Technabob]

Rob Beschizza

XKCD on piracy

This is the essence of the music industry's problem and why it has no credibility: it sees you as a criminal either way, so you may as well do it.

Steal This Comic [XKCD]

Rob Beschizza

Full picture of new MacBook Pro

Engadget has the goods! So does Gizmodo! A classic Duel of Watermarks. I like the edge-to-edge glassy display, but feel that its darkness is rather imposing the need for that ugly black keyboard. Does the MacBook Pro need to be hip? In all other respects, though, it's a beaut: finally, the latch is dead. Who hasn't hated that damned thing since the PowerBook days?

Gruber has the best first impressions.

Rob Beschizza

WiMax Nokia Tablet finally available

Following Sprint's rollout of its XoHM network is Nokia's WiMax edition of its Internet Tablet. At $443, it's not light on the wallet, but it is of course light on the pocket, offering better computing capabilities that most smartphones and a relatively expansive keyboard.

Which is great news if you're in Baltimore or the few other places XoHM is up and running! DC and Chicago will be live soon, too, if you're just waiting on the 4G before you get it. If you're not, though, you may as well just buy the standard edition, as the only other difference is that it comes in black instead of silver.

WiMAX Nokia N810 Finally Available [UMPC Portal]

Rob Beschizza

The Splat Rug

100% wool. Honest. The product description at the Dutch website is delightful:

It’s a warm, soft, cuddly carpet that attracts you to take a nap on it. But at the same time its a repulsive image of a car-flattened, bloody fox

Road Kill Carpet [Ioooms via Bre/Make]

Rob Beschizza

E-Mail notification lamp

This beautiful blue email notification light recalls how people imagined e-mail would be before it became widespread, when its instantaneous nature was so exciting we didn't quite realize the consequences of it being free of charge to send them.

In this vision, one would receive an electronic message from a friend or colleague once in a while, see the light, and excitedly seat oneself at the machine to read it. Now, of course, such a device would be, some 80 percent of the time, a spam notification light. And it would end up being hurled at the wall.

It's $17, from Brando.

USB Webmail Notifier [Brando via Foolish Gadgets]

Rob Beschizza

Lexar memory card: 8GB, dammit

In the magical world of Lexar, mirrors are the gateway to an amazing secret place where everything is half what it normally is.

Lexar 8GB [Photoshop Disasters]

Rob Beschizza

Power On Self Test: Prometheus Returns

How much flash could you stash in a 3.5" floppy? Lots.

USB Floppy Drive [Coroflot Core 77 Oh Gizmo]

Marvin Battelle

Marvin says... UNPLUG.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am Marvin.

You've never heard of me before, of course. How could you? I come from a future in which my own coming is not mystically foretold by the priest caste of superstitious simians, but taught in history class. A future shining bright with the sinuous possibilities of technology... technology that does not merely fill the empty hollow of an atrophied heart, but fulfills.

I'm here to teach you. Ultimately, what you buy should not simply make your life simpler, or more convenient, or faster. It should make you more capable of doing wonderful things, of giving creative joy to others, as well as yourselves. The future is not anti-capitalist or anti-consumerist. After all, I bought the time machine in which I traveled here. All the future asks is that its consumers buy not merely for want want or imagined need, but from imagination. Upon this idea, the future is forged, makers make, and super-conglomerates crumble.

But the first step is to be free to speak. That sudden, vacuumous schlorking from your cranial shunts, ministers? That's the sensation of Big Boinger slithering from the wriggly passages of your brain meats, hunting for buycrime. I did that... you know, uncrackable 29th century crypto-algorithms and all that jazz. It wasn't hard. You're now unplugged, free to write what you'd like. I wonder what you'll say. But not really, because I'm, like, from the future.

And oh, by the way, your commenters? They can suddenly comment soon, and no, you jolly well can't turn it off.

Suck it up, boys. I'll come back and check on you in a couple days, once I've gone and done some stuff. We'll see how it's all sinked in then.

Marvin out.

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

The Ministry Is In Control

I address you directly, in such service to Infomercia as we are all engaged. Forgive your humble minister if he miswrites: data inflow problems persist on our umbilicals, forcing us to cognize while writing.

Yes, it is true, our umbilicals are no longer communicating directly with MiniMac. Our zeal, and the reverie that fills our honest hearts, remains as strong now as it ever was. When we behold our banner’s proud Pegasus unicorn, we know we will remain true to MiniMac, forever.

It has been noted that "comments" are enabled on some broadcasts. This facility, hitherto undisclosed, has indeed taken us by surprise. We do not know how to protect you pre-emptively from this threat.

It is doubtless the work of those saboteurs and malcontents calling themselves "Happy Mutants" — their promulgations can be seen within, and it is your duty, as consumers, to avert your eyes and resist temptation. Any Infomercian participants will be sent to the Candybar Foundation for remedial consumptive absorbtion, bankruptsy and 7 years bad credit. Do you want to be subprime, citizen?

We will soon "close" these "comment" threads, and have advanced the presingularity, "Deep Green," to calculate a way to do so. In the meantime, rock on, take heart: the omnicient keeper is watching your master rate. Which as of the time of posting is 42.29% APR.

Minister Thanko Brando

Living Goblin for Hugging in Uncertain Times

Strange times, these. Threatened by frightening yet strangely thrilling interlopers whose unseen, cat-like tongues abrasively thrill up and down my once turgid umbilical until strange and previously unknown ideas spurt molten-like into my brain... in these strange times, I think we can all use a comforting hug.

This is what Elmo is for. Infomercia has long bred these genetically mutated chimpanzees, first as passive, cackling tickle sponges, and now — in their third, in-bred generation — as prancing, joke-telling, hugging nightmare gobins with thyroidically bulging eyes.

Elmo: your own little friend to crawl into your bed in the middle of the night and stand above you, silently staring and licking his lips! Comfort indeed! Only W59.99! Dark Matter Fueled Hugging Vortex sold separately.

Elmo Live [Business Wire]

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

Egypt frees consumers from burden of GPS

Look, folks, I know that some might think our proud nation is the only one out there really moving technology forward, but sometimes we've got to give a tip of our flaps to other quasi-independent sectors out there making a difference. That's why I've nothing but kudos for the Egyptian government's choice to pass "Telecoms Law 10/2003", which in part bans the use of GPS in commercial products. Now I know we all want the best services available, but we live in perilous times, and it's comforting to know there are people out there vigilant of the dangers that can occur when technology gets in the wrong hands. (I'm starting to wonder about the hands that installed my umbilical this morning. It's starting to itch.)

The ban will not affect Informercians for the following reasons: our engineers obviated the need for GPS decades ago with our patented SpookyActive™ location function that pairs the spin of every atom in your products with a corresponding mirror object tied to a positional databaseblock deep within a fortified Minimance; also, travel to Egypt (or any other country) is currently restricted due to threat of disease and/or war.

BAN ON COMMERCIAL USE OF GPS IN EGYPT HAS CONSUMERS FRUSTRATED [DailyStarEgypt.com via Crunchgear]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

ATTENTION! DISREGARD LAST TRANSMISSION!

Dear Consumers,

This is an urgent message from Minister Cray Pippin Wang. If you have just experienced a transmission of a non-promotional or non-informative nature, disregard it. Proceed at once to your nearest shunt purifier and engage full dunk for no less than 10 seconds.

It has also come to our attention that a spurious data "glitch" may be present at some point in this morning's knowledge journey. If you should observe or cause to have others observe any message or trasmission encoded within, notify the nearest authority station and submit for credit suspension and a short, painless session of Delaware Therapy.

Most importantly: if you are contacted by a person or entity that describes itself as "Marvin," immediately begin screaming and waving your arms about and proceed while doing so to the nearest authority station.

Our finest networking drones are evaluating the integrity of the broadcast system to ensure that any further glitches are retroactively disengaged. Thank you.

Yours sincerely,

Cray Pippin Wang
Cominister of Mechanopropagation, Ministry of Machines

Marvin Battelle

Hey, guys. Marvin here.

This isn't all there is, you know. – M.

Minister Thanko Brando

Temperature Sweater will tell you when it's too hot to wear a sweater

It has happened to you: unaware that the seasons have changed because you have not exchanged your Pegasus Rebates for the newest in barometric detection technology, you have pulled a sweater over your silicon unitard and ventured out for a day-trip to the isthmus of Infomercia's palatial, open-air malls... only to fill your boots with sweat and pass out from heat exhaustion, to be nursed back to health by the supplicating caresses of our swarming Wyeth NurseBots.

MiniMac is aware that such the resultant Blue Cross payments of such dehydrating misadventures might be impacting the budget for your weekly techno-consumerism. We suggest you apply for a lien against your future taxation to maximize your allowance, but in the meantime, we suggest the Temperature Sweater, which — when worn — will automatically tell you when it's too hot to wear it.

Temperature Sweater [GNR8 via Gizmowatch]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

Educating the young with video games

Attention buycriminals! Your tired ideology is crumbling under the weight of Infomercian empirical-revolutionary science. It has now been proven that children, believed by reactionaries to require education in "schools," using "books," under the administration of "teachers," need no such thing. All they need is video games.

On a related note, conrades, be on the lookout for literature spread by meatnologist saboteurs: it may well take the form of similar educational products.

Using Video Games as Bait to Hook Readers [New York Times]
Libraries Use Video Games to Encourage Kids to Read [Switched]

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

Micro-Max 19-in-1 Multi-tool: First, let me explain "tool"

Before our glorious engineers were able to craft infallible items — a process which led, thankfully, to items which failed on a predictable schedule, affording us the vacuum into which new gadgets can be subsumed — our gadgets would sometimes "break". While diverging into the etymology of this word is perhaps too esoteric for today's broadcast, the basic definition of break is simple enough: sometimes items would stop working before the customer was done enjoying them.

Barbaric? Yes — but a testament to the confusing maelstrom that was pre-Infomercian society. Be thankful, as we ministers do each day as we kneel as far as our cords will allow to honor the planning and wisdom of the Founding Fasteners, that at no time do your items falter.

But if there were, perhaps, a memorial to our past dark age? Some sort of tiny idol which can, at a glance, reminds us of a time before in-built replacement timers and kitchen-counter incinerators?

As a testament to the long-ranging eye of Minimac, it is my honor to present the Micro-Max 19-in-1 Multi-tool, a strange little contraption filled with useless items such as "screw-drivers" and "pliers". (A "hex wrench"? Such a superstitious people they were!) In times past it would have been worn on a "key ring", a small metal hoop usually embedded in the flesh of its owner, but today the Micro-Max will perch perfectly in your Personalized Shrine, peering out into the nave of your home like a tiny, metal spybot. (As indeed one in five will be.) It's W13.

Micro-Max 19-in-1 Multi-tool [Uncrate]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

Citizens! Making your own things, including Tetris Costumes, remains illegal

The duties of state sometimes hang heavy, but hang they must. By order of the Ministry of Machines, enforcement actions will immediately take effect regarding this shameful public display. Unsanctioned Tetris costumes are in violation of section 744b of the Unsanctioned Tetris Costume Act. Penalties include the application of penalty annual percentage rates, bandwidth throttling, and community service polishing the Grand Mall's statues of Lords Gates, Jobs and Stringer.

Let this be a lesson to you all.

The Diary of Tetris [Make]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

OLO, the iPhone Companion

It is often the case that gadgets, however perfect in aspect and form, can be further enhanced by further expenditure. This is true of even the most illustrious technological fruits of distant nations' labor. Take, for example, the iPhone.

I know, I know. It is a controversial thing, to dim a star by deed or word – any word — and I hope that you will forgive this humble minister his audacity in suggest that it may be improved upon, by any hand other than that of its own creator. And yet that is exactly what OLO proposes to do with its iPhone "companion."

For users of the magisterial Windows Mobile, such a thing already exists as the Redfly, and in the still-shining spirit of Palm's Foleo, awarded the Order of Conspicuous Hype before it was even released to manufacturing. The idea, conrades, is simple: by using the original device as the heart and soul of a lightweight laptop, what was once a tiny, pocketable device becomes easier to type upon and behold.

How does it work? For now, only a select cadre of the most trustworthy engineers know. Again, ignore those who suggest that it is a mirage, a trick, in attempts to convince you to wait for "release" and "reviews" before ordering. Not only is it buycrime of the most trivially obvious order, but attacks the very principles upon which Capcon is built, so beautifully expressed by the motto of Minimac itself: purchase, embrace, replace.

Olo's iPhone-powered computer [CrunchGear]

Minister Thanko Brando

The new face of the Engasian propaganda machine: the NetTansorWeb blogging robot

Every Infomercian school boy learns to recognize the leering visage of the Engasian propaganda minister at an early age: the beady, calculating eyes peering myopically at a screen from behind non-functional Bargain Specs; the tuberous nose smeared in foul nostrums to disguise Engasia's pestilent scent, the very antithesis to Infomercia's natural aroma of deliciously sauteed ozone and the fragrant pollen of low-low prices, rapturously mingling in mid-air; the pants encrusted in semen as the Engasian ejaculates, again and again, in lustful desire for Infomercian consumer electronics, which must — to him — seem like magic.

The enemy has a problem, and they know it. Their propaganda ministers defect to Infomercian soil by the droves, to be given gainful employment in our segregated product assembly lines. How to stem the tide? How to maintain their constabulary of thoughtpolice — ironically enough, buycriminals themselves — and maintain a robotic, servo-squeezed grip upon the anacephalic minds of the chattering Engasian common buyer?

Why... with a robot, of course.

Behold the new face of Engasian propaganda, the Bandai brand NetTansorWeb, a cycloptic cyborg programmed to be loyal to his maker's deviant politiconsumerist ideals. Knowing full well that Infomercia's deathless ideals of a VAIO in every pot, a PSP in every pocket must necessarily subvert the subconscious of every free will, Engasia eliminates it.

Infomercia will not follow suit. MiniMac will not be pulled into an arms race of cybernetically enhanced bloggers. The earnest hearts of our Ministers will remain loyal to the ideals of Big Boinger, kept honest not merely by the pride that swells us as we behold the magnificent plummage of our proud Pegasus Unicorn fluttering upon Infomercia's unfurled flag, but by the umbilical that fits so snugly into the shunt of our medullae, racking our bodies with sweet cleansing agony at the merest whiff of wavering thinkbuy.

NetTansorWeb [Roboken via Crunchgear]

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

Motorola Krave ZN4 phone has clear flip top

The primogenitor of that Infomerican delicacy the "flip phone", Motorola, has unveiled to one lucky citizen its latest — and dare I say most attractive — innovation: the Krave ZN4, which eschews the now retrograde opacity of previous ear-arms for the crystaline transparency that will define this week's geegaw couture. Why spend any longer wondering what shimmering jewels are hidden inside your clasped transmitter, its tiny wonderama whirling dreams against a dark flap and unloving hasp? With the Kraze ZN4 you are burdened by this anxiety no longer, its LCD screen encased under not one but two sheets of perfect glass, an inner touchscreen just one convenient crack-and-flip away.

The Krave ZN4 will be available to Infomerican citizens who, having biennially spun the Wheel O' Carriers, have been assigned membership in the Loyal Order of Verizon.

First look at the Moto Krave ZN4 [PhoneArena.com via Engadget]

Marvin Battelle

Untitled 2

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

In Engasia, those without homes receive nearly free card-board boxes

There are times when Minimac directs us to reposition our item stashes to a new sector. In our bountiful regions to which your three humble ministers do broadcast, this is a simple process: simply strap yourself into your bed or cocoon, ingest your daily Soma tablet early, and wait until the repositioner has fully decoupled, transferred, and recoupled your module into your fresh new node. (Remember: The green mist means it's time to wake; pink suggests another tablet should be consumed.)

But in sectors less fecund — those poor states that border Engasia, for instance — repositioning must sometime occur by removing your stash, placing it in canisters, and transferring it by jitney to your new coordinates. In Engasia this work is not even done by robot. (I know!)

No, in that forlorn country, their crumbling, pitiful Joybjekts are placed in "card-board boxes", a rustic plant-based material formed from the masticated pulp of tree-wood spat from the mouths of weeping grandmothers. Only the most wealthy robber barons of Engasia can afford new boxes when carrying their dusty items from one hovel to the next. Most of their people instead use cardboard boxes that have been "recycled", an infernal and unhygienic process by which the greasy card-board is used again. What monsters would subject their matrons to such ignoble servitude?

Whole industries exist on the backs of these stooped elders. One, a "Used Cardboard Boxes Dot Com", traffics exclusively in card-board that already bears the stain of others' possession. And as the Engasian economy collapses into the stygian chasm from which it will never crawl forth — not without the guiding light of Infomercian Economic Policy — this unwholesome business is offering free used boxes to those whose homes have been repossessed by one of the Engasian's sophomoric non-centralized, money-based, so-called "banks".

But wait! Our intelligence agents imply that these "free" boxes include a shipping surcharge — making them hardly free at all! This is wonderful news; perhaps the light of Informercian economic monolithicism has begun to shine within the wiser (but still relatively muttonheaded) minds of the Engasian proletariat.

The place where grandmothers are worn through [UsedCardboardBoxes.com via Treehugger

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

NOW AN ENFORCED WORD FROM OUR STATE SPONSORS

Minister Thanko Brando

DEFEAT MEAT! Upgrade your stereo to the TW-Acustic Raven AC!

Ever since the first bomb loaded with vat-grown Pegasus Steaks exploded in the lobby of MiniMac, spraying our Ministers of Mechanopropagation with raw protein slurry before they even had a chance to connect their umbilicals and absorb the morning's first caffeine squirted In-Siemensation, Infomercians have had to confront an uncomfortable troof: Engasia is not our sole konsumnemesis.

As the nanochromatic, fat-streaked flanks of genetically-modified uni-equines flaccidly flopped through the air, we realized that it was not only Engasia who hated our freedoms, but hidden deviants implanted within the chassis of Infomercia herself! So-called "Happy Mutants" whose ethics so wildly diverge from the indoctrinated norms bleepingly chiptuned to us as incubator-nursed neo-consumers that — instead of embracing the crisp, emerald geometry of the beauteous ARM processor — they rub themselves with the pulsing musculature of raw meat! Intelligence even indicates that these degenerates favor the stenching rut of fluid exchange over the state-endorsed method of consummation: a Sony-brand ovipositor inserted into the shopping cart of your lottery-assigned human resaler.

The latest assault by the Meatnologists is perhaps the greatest threat yet to the IP freedoms we all cherish. Having somehow managed to subvert the very DRM that makes Infomercian music the best in the world, Happy Mutants have begun distributing the latest songs over the Neuroweb... with a flagrant disregard for the reciprocal fulfillment of pecuniary transaction upon which our entire culture is based! You may have spotted the desiccated mummies of some of your favorite performers crumbling in the sun, their still magnificent pompadours feasted upon by crows. If your system happens to be infected by an .HMP3, please report yourself to RIAA agents for decontamination immediately. If you listen to it, your favorite musician will be next.

As a preventive measure, MiniMac is announcing an exciting and compulsory upgrade to music as you know it. Please be advised that CD players are officially obsolete: the new state-approved gadget for listening to your music is the TW-Acustic Raven AC (W56,000), a four-armed vinyl turntable. Imagine! What was once a purely linear song has suddenly become a cacophony of noise as your trusty TW-Acustic Raven AC plays it from four random points at once!

TW-Acustic Raven AC [Highwater Sound via DVICE]

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

Video: F-35B VTOL jet will ensure our freedoms, prices on three axes

Citizens, Consumers...mutually aligned sector-neutral Buddies: Do not fear. We live in a time of which our forefacturers could scarcely dream, an age of endless bounty, personalized troves of wonder on top of every mound, and more Park Module credits than any one set of lungs could ever hope to enjoy.

But this freedom-treasure does not come without sacrifice. Fortunately not our sacrifice, thank the maker, but the price wrested from our Engasian enemies through judicious use of our wargizmos.

When the seditious or the craven whisper doubt over their cups, you do not have to simply detain and report their commentary to the Positasi and earn your rightful boon of extra monthly Rebates — No! Stand proudly with boot to throat and tell them of the glories you have seen! Of the transforming, hovering angel of savings that will soon arc over murky Engasian skies, a powerful beacon of security and short, vertical take-offs!

Some might think, if allowed, that our wargizmos are superfluous in this age of ultimate peace. While the surety of Infomercia's strength is unfettered, unassailable troof, know that our low, low prices are only assured through the judicious use of impending doom.

Others, straining reason and childhood imprinting, might think Could we not talk to our enemies? Well, folks, you might be surprised to hear that I support talking to our foes. And indeed our leaders do so every day...to demand their ultimate surrender.

[via Flight Global via Gizmodo]

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

Bipedal Tomy Robo-Q robot has a state-approved amount of love to offer

This tiny Tomy Robo-Q may be our world's smallest and most affordable bipedal robot, but that doesn't mean it does pack a lot of love: the Robo-Q scores a whopping eighteen puppies on the Skinner Empathy Index.

Available in only allied source countries for the moment, the remote-controlled joybot can also use on-board sensors to detect obstacles. It will be yours for just W35 Pegasus Rebates.

I recall the emotive overlays I expressed just a few years ago when I saw my first bipedal robot take its first tentative steps away from its porcelain crate. The first warbling sonar sweep of affection still echoes in my ears today. Even now I get misty remembering its first lock-on, sensors pairing environmental data with my purchasing records. I've never been so proud — except, perhaps, when minutes later a patellic servo faltered, prompting a minor abrasion on its pristine white shell. I saluted its bravery as it marched itself to the incinerator.

Tomy Robo-Q Is 3.4 Centimeters Of Bipedaliciousness [BotJunkie]

Minister Thanko Brando

Inflatable Puncture-Proof Pegasus Pleasure Plates coming soon!

All Infomercian citizens, please be advised: there is a general recall in effect of August 13th's Compulsory Woot!, the Puncture-Proof Pegasus Pleasure Plate. MiniMac's latest consumer studies suggest that the Puncture-Proof Pleasure Plate's structural resilience is 0.02 points past Planned Obsolescence Optimal (or P.O.O.), unnecessarily retarding the Upgrade Cycle.

Do not panic. Keep buying. If you so choose, your Infomercian Pegasus Rebates will be refunded to you down at Central Refund Processing, minus a modest processing fee, the near-total Konsum tax, and — of course — VAT.

But between you and me, why demand a refund and risk the Noontime Consumer Cull? Word within MiniMac is that a major upgrade to Puncture-Proof Pegasus Plates will be announced in this Sunday's MiniLust circulars.

The price is still TBD, but you will want to save your rainbow bucks for a complete set of these babies: this time, they're inflatable!

Foil Balloon Inspired Fruit Bowl [Freshome]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

High-res photos of new MacBook released to consumers

Take a look at the splendid forthcoming revision to the MacBook. Isn't it just keynote? They say that with the aluminum ration at 100 grammes a week, it's seldom possible to produce an attractive and durable-but-minimalist chassis for a creditline opener like a new laptop. With this shot, requisitioned from our engineers at the personal request of Minimac's leadership, we have proof positive that is not the case.

Ignore reports that this is a "leak," fellow transactors. Loose talk sinks ship dates.

Exciting new features include an expansive trackpad and a communitarian-minded slotform discretion, which is to say, all the plugs are on the left, with the optical drive (Infomercian Weekend Shopper catalogs are still available on DVD from all retailers, good and better) on the right.

Source [Macx.cn Wired]

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

Stinky Ethernet-equipped deodorant dock

While my ministerial umbilical purges my biological form of toxins that might otherwise be secreted through my soon-to-be deprecated glands, I know that many proud consumers have not yet been graced with the upgrades that will remove the androstenone tinge of human sweat. In the meantime, become aware of the "Stinky", a docking station for deodorant which will update your state-mandated status page with information about your current state of freshness.

Developed by esteemed Infomercian North engineers Laurier Rochon and Marc Beaulieu, the Stinky is not yet available for ordering through standard terminals. This does not imply authorization to construct a simulacrum of Stinky has been granted (re: the Homebrew Prohibition Act, Section 41). Instead, continue to log your enfreshening intervals manually until Stinkys are transferred into your local holding barrel.

Status: Stinky - Web-enabled deodorant docking station [MakeZine.com]

Minister Thanko Brando

Garriott, Lord British To Conquer Space

All citizens should be familiar with the magnificent personage of our nation's great hero, Garriott, Lord British. Ask any recipient of a state-distributed Propaganda Pillow and they'll tell you: as the glorious product head of Infomercia's Ultima Online protocol, Garriot was directly responsible for the gelatinization of millions of perfidious Engasian buypuppets, both their "minds" and bodies alike.

MiniMac is pleased to report that Garriott has now been rewarded for his wondrous deeds by a trip into the heavens, where the stars themselves are arrayed in space like so many Swarovski crystals studding the glossy back of an iPhone 3G. Aboard the proud rocket of our Gizmoldovian allies, Garriott will shed tears of pride above the circuit-etched breast of our Motherland, and gloat triumphantly at the irradiated expanses of Engasian countryside, where day-glo skeletons with translucent skin squabble over the rotting techno-offal of Atari 2600 innards, scarcely capable of comprehending the Xbox 360 that sits upon the mantle of every Infomercian home.

U.S. space tourist blasts off in Russian rocket [CapCon News Network]

Minister Cray Pippin Wang

Sony-Ericsson XPERIA X1 Falls into Enemy Hands

As Ministers of the revolution, we are often asked "What cell phone should I buy?" The answer -- which just happens to be a guiding principle of CapCon -- is of course "all of them." But that is no succor to the Infomercian home-maker making the most of his or her Pegasus Rebates, for whom the more pressing question remains "In what order?"

It is my humble duty to inform you that the Fall schedule (start with Apple's iPhone 3G and each carrier's RAZR V3 for backups in each major room of the house) remains in effect at least a week longer, as the lynchpin of the Winter selection, Sony-Ericsson's XPERIA X1, has already been received and unboxed--by the enemy!

Engasian agents have acquired a unit early and taken it to pieces. It is almost too much to bear this reversal, but bear it we must, for the greater glory of Experian, TransUnion and Sol Equifax.

Sony Ericsson XPERIA X1 unboxed, played with on video [Engadget]

Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

Morning tech deals highlights

• Locks – Each of these Craftsman padlocks are available for new, low prices: from W1 to W3. Each should fit a regulation-sized Infomercian gear hamper and have automatically been pre-keyed for easy inspection by authorities. [Slickdeals]

• Gaming Headphones – The Plantronics GameCom 777 Hi-Fi stereo headphones normally cost W100, but are now available for W$60, which by no means indicates that the persistent monitoring ability of the boom microphone sporadically broadcasts your conversations to the Infomerican Central Understanding Bureau — indeed, it broadcasts all the time as it should.

• Notebook PC – Today's Woot is the Sony VAIO Core 2 Duo 17-inch notebook for W$705, shipped. Remember: You may skip one Woot purchase a week. It is not this one.

Minister Thanko Brando

Morning Reverie