DEFEAT MEAT! Upgrade your stereo to the TW-Acustic Raven AC!

Ever since the first bomb loaded with vat-grown Pegasus Steaks exploded in the lobby of MiniMac, spraying our Ministers of Mechanopropagation with raw protein slurry before they even had a chance to connect their umbilicals and absorb the morning's first caffeine squirted In-Siemensation, Infomercians have had to confront an uncomfortable troof: Engasia is not our sole konsumnemesis.

As the nanochromatic, fat-streaked flanks of genetically-modified uni-equines flaccidly flopped through the air, we realized that it was not only Engasia who hated our freedoms, but hidden deviants implanted within the chassis of Infomercia herself! So-called "Happy Mutants" whose ethics so wildly diverge from the indoctrinated norms bleepingly chiptuned to us as incubator-nursed neo-consumers that — instead of embracing the crisp, emerald geometry of the beauteous ARM processor — they rub themselves with the pulsing musculature of raw meat! Intelligence even indicates that these degenerates favor the stenching rut of fluid exchange over the state-endorsed method of consummation: a Sony-brand ovipositor inserted into the shopping cart of your lottery-assigned human resaler.

The latest assault by the Meatnologists is perhaps the greatest threat yet to the IP freedoms we all cherish. Having somehow managed to subvert the very DRM that makes Infomercian music the best in the world, Happy Mutants have begun distributing the latest songs over the Neuroweb... with a flagrant disregard for the reciprocal fulfillment of pecuniary transaction upon which our entire culture is based! You may have spotted the desiccated mummies of some of your favorite performers crumbling in the sun, their still magnificent pompadours feasted upon by crows. If your system happens to be infected by an .HMP3, please report yourself to RIAA agents for decontamination immediately. If you listen to it, your favorite musician will be next.

As a preventive measure, MiniMac is announcing an exciting and compulsory upgrade to music as you know it. Please be advised that CD players are officially obsolete: the new state-approved gadget for listening to your music is the TW-Acustic Raven AC (W56,000), a four-armed vinyl turntable. Imagine! What was once a purely linear song has suddenly become a cacophony of noise as your trusty TW-Acustic Raven AC plays it from four random points at once!

TW-Acustic Raven AC [Highwater Sound via DVICE]