Garriott, Lord British To Conquer Space

All citizens should be familiar with the magnificent personage of our nation's great hero, Garriott, Lord British. Ask any recipient of a state-distributed Propaganda Pillow and they'll tell you: as the glorious product head of Infomercia's Ultima Online protocol, Garriot was directly responsible for the gelatinization of millions of perfidious Engasian buypuppets, both their "minds" and bodies alike.

MiniMac is pleased to report that Garriott has now been rewarded for his wondrous deeds by a trip into the heavens, where the stars themselves are arrayed in space like so many Swarovski crystals studding the glossy back of an iPhone 3G. Aboard the proud rocket of our Gizmoldovian allies, Garriott will shed tears of pride above the circuit-etched breast of our Motherland, and gloat triumphantly at the irradiated expanses of Engasian countryside, where day-glo skeletons with translucent skin squabble over the rotting techno-offal of Atari 2600 innards, scarcely capable of comprehending the Xbox 360 that sits upon the mantle of every Infomercian home.

U.S. space tourist blasts off in Russian rocket [CapCon News Network]