Before our glorious engineers were able to craft infallible items — a process which led, thankfully, to items which failed on a predictable schedule, affording us the vacuum into which new gadgets can be subsumed — our gadgets would sometimes “break”. While diverging into the etymology of this word is perhaps too esoteric for today’s broadcast, the basic definition of break is simple enough: sometimes items would stop working before the customer was done enjoying them.
Barbaric? Yes — but a testament to the confusing maelstrom that was pre-Infomercian society. Be thankful, as we ministers do each day as we kneel as far as our cords will allow to honor the planning and wisdom of the Founding Fasteners, that at no time do your items falter.
But if there were, perhaps, a memorial to our past dark age? Some sort of tiny idol which can, at a glance, reminds us of a time before in-built replacement timers and kitchen-counter incinerators?
As a testament to the long-ranging eye of Minimac, it is my honor to present the Micro-Max 19-in-1 Multi-tool, a strange little contraption filled with useless items such as “screw-drivers” and “pliers”. (A “hex wrench”? Such a superstitious people they were!) In times past it would have been worn on a “key ring”, a small metal hoop usually embedded in the flesh of its owner, but today the Micro-Max will perch perfectly in your Personalized Shrine, peering out into the nave of your home like a tiny, metal spybot. (As indeed one in five will be.) It’s W13.
Micro-Max 19-in-1 Multi-tool [Uncrate]
