The new face of the Engasian propaganda machine: the NetTansorWeb blogging robot

Every Infomercian school boy learns to recognize the leering visage of the Engasian propaganda minister at an early age: the beady, calculating eyes peering myopically at a screen from behind non-functional Bargain Specs; the tuberous nose smeared in foul nostrums to disguise Engasia's pestilent scent, the very antithesis to Infomercia's natural aroma of deliciously sauteed ozone and the fragrant pollen of low-low prices, rapturously mingling in mid-air; the pants encrusted in semen as the Engasian ejaculates, again and again, in lustful desire for Infomercian consumer electronics, which must — to him — seem like magic.

The enemy has a problem, and they know it. Their propaganda ministers defect to Infomercian soil by the droves, to be given gainful employment in our segregated product assembly lines. How to stem the tide? How to maintain their constabulary of thoughtpolice — ironically enough, buycriminals themselves — and maintain a robotic, servo-squeezed grip upon the anacephalic minds of the chattering Engasian common buyer?

Why... with a robot, of course.

Behold the new face of Engasian propaganda, the Bandai brand NetTansorWeb, a cycloptic cyborg programmed to be loyal to his maker's deviant politiconsumerist ideals. Knowing full well that Infomercia's deathless ideals of a VAIO in every pot, a PSP in every pocket must necessarily subvert the subconscious of every free will, Engasia eliminates it.

Infomercia will not follow suit. MiniMac will not be pulled into an arms race of cybernetically enhanced bloggers. The earnest hearts of our Ministers will remain loyal to the ideals of Big Boinger, kept honest not merely by the pride that swells us as we behold the magnificent plummage of our proud Pegasus Unicorn fluttering upon Infomercia's unfurled flag, but by the umbilical that fits so snugly into the shunt of our medullae, racking our bodies with sweet cleansing agony at the merest whiff of wavering thinkbuy.

NetTansorWeb [Roboken via Crunchgear]