Video: F-35B VTOL jet will ensure our freedoms, prices on three axes

Citizens, Consumers...mutually aligned sector-neutral Buddies: Do not fear. We live in a time of which our forefacturers could scarcely dream, an age of endless bounty, personalized troves of wonder on top of every mound, and more Park Module credits than any one set of lungs could ever hope to enjoy.

But this freedom-treasure does not come without sacrifice. Fortunately not our sacrifice, thank the maker, but the price wrested from our Engasian enemies through judicious use of our wargizmos.

When the seditious or the craven whisper doubt over their cups, you do not have to simply detain and report their commentary to the Positasi and earn your rightful boon of extra monthly Rebates — No! Stand proudly with boot to throat and tell them of the glories you have seen! Of the transforming, hovering angel of savings that will soon arc over murky Engasian skies, a powerful beacon of security and short, vertical take-offs!

Some might think, if allowed, that our wargizmos are superfluous in this age of ultimate peace. While the surety of Infomercia's strength is unfettered, unassailable troof, know that our low, low prices are only assured through the judicious use of impending doom.

Others, straining reason and childhood imprinting, might think Could we not talk to our enemies? Well, folks, you might be surprised to hear that I support talking to our foes. And indeed our leaders do so every day...to demand their ultimate surrender.

[via Flight Global via Gizmodo]