Intelligence reports indicate that a new line of unlicensed Pleasure Models have been unveiled across the Metropolis. Scantly clad in lingerie that proudly displays their creamy expanses of "biomechanical" flesh and gossamer "fiber optic" lanugo, these Pleasure Models bear MiniLust's official seal upon their hubs: Pac-Man, the seed gobbling procreational mascot of our great super-conglomerate.
If you are approached by such a unit, know that these so-called "Pleasure Models" are, in fact, Meatnological agents of the rogue terrorist Marvin Battelle, and any claims they may make to being "carrier unlocked" are not only false, but criminal.
A reminder to all Infomercian consumers from MiniMac: when shopping for a new candybar to assist you in T9-ing your chromosomal transcription to the newest refreshes in your genetic product line, please be aware that pecuniary transaction is required by law and a two-year contract is obligatory. For pay-as-you-go customers, be advised that the only state-endorsed vendor is Hoover's line of suctioning Pleasure Models. Failure to comply may result in a compulsory recall of your entire product line.
If you are approached by an unfamiliar Pleasure Model, please closely examine their I/O port cover before inserting your SIM. If it is embossed with the image of a ghost, please report her immediately to MiniLust as a Happy Mutant spook.
Miss Video Game [3Wishes]