SanDisk slotMusic player is inexpensive and simple

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Music is the heartbeat of our splendor. Each of our marches are developed by a quorum of Infomercia’s finest emotional engineers who spend years carving each precision inspiration out of a block of solid white noise, leaving only the poignant and potent sonics for you to consume. And consume them you must, not just at the Five Allotted Panderings, but even between in your personal mobes or on your jeejahs. It is the Ministry’s duty and pleasure only to provide you with as many options as possible for bathing your brainpan in vibrating triumph — so long as you choose as many of those options as you can afford.

Here’s another: The SanDisk slotMusic player, a W20 MP3 player with no internal storage. Instead, tiny microSD cards — the aforementioned “slotMusic” — are inserted, each pre-filled with music from Riaafolese cartels. There is no way to hook up the slotMusic player to your central computer — and no need! Instead, continue to purchase additional albums on microSD card to be inserted into this elementary, screenless player. The clacking of tiny plastic chits in your pocket lets you know it’s working!

I feel a little strange mentioning this, but I can’t help but wonder if there weren’t a way for our engineers to have constructed a smaller player. I know that sounds unpatriotic, but hear me out: if one of the advantages of the tiny slotMusic flash memory chips is their size, could not a player just barely larger than the chip itself be constructed? Surely the MP3 decoding hardware isn’t too…I’m ahead of myself. The replaceable, 15-hour AAA battery inside must have predicted this logical decision.

Hands On: SanDisk’s Sansa slotMusic Player [Gearlog.com]
SanDisk Sansa slotMusic Player: the new Discman? [Crave.CNET.com]

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8 Responses to SanDisk slotMusic player is inexpensive and simple

  1. asx says:

    I keep looking at “ONWARD!”, and I keep reading it as “COWARD!”, and it makes me wonder if Sinistar isn’t behind all this.

  2. Thinkerer says:

    Given SanDisk’s dismal device firmware and PC synchro software with the Sansa series, this is a logical step backwards for them.

  3. pragmatist says:

    Man, I’m already tired of INFOMERCIA and there’s still another full day left! I don’t find it particularly clever and the graphics are so gaudy that I actively avoid looking at these posts.

    Please, please do not make this a recurring feature.

  4. kpkpkp says:

    Why more of this Infomercia flavoring dumped on top of Gadget Wholesomeness?

    Infomercia = BULLSHIT!

  5. brianary says:

    Deprecated <s> tags? Tsk, tsk.

    There is an actual â‚© character: &#x20A9;

  6. Joel Johnson says:

    Oh, cool, Brianary. I wish we would have realized that before we started. :)

  7. theghostoflordbeaverbrook says:

    No way to hook it up to a computer? Except, you know, a 3.5mm male-male plug from the player to the line in of a computer. Unless of course the headphones are hard wired to the player.

  8. ZippySpincycle says:

    So Infomercia is the new Saecular Authority?

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