I am notoriously bad about taking care of my glasses. At all times, I view the world through a milky carcinogenic sheen, as if a lung cancer patient just hocked a phlegmgobber in my face. I am not quite sure what the coating substance is made of, but I assume science would indicate it is roughly the same chemical make-up as the lubricant scraped off a necrophile’s IUD. Regardless, philosophers would have a field day with them: slapping them on an infant at birth, they could then explore the boundaries of human imagination, asking the boy — as he grows up — if there’s a way for him even to imagine a world not haunted by the phantasmal tarrish curlicues of my finger prints.
And when I do keep them clean? Say, with a microfiber cloth? Somehow, it is always covered with a thin coating of invisible diamond dust, which shreds them to bits.
So I really like this ultrasonic eyeglass cleaner. It’s only $69.95, which is fairly cheap, and it appears to be the same device that my cute, Backstreet Boys loving optometrist uses after she tsk tsks at me and peels them with audible shlorking from my face.
Ultrasonic Eyeglass Cleaner [Hammacher Schlemmer]
Dawn brand dish detergent will get your glasses so clean that they just disappear.
Wait, so the necrophile is a female who is having semi-protected sex with male corpses?
Seriously, does something like this work?
Answer flippantly first, if you like, but I require a straight answer as well. Yes, require.
Jewelers have been using ultrasonic cleaners forever.
Hammacher has a “Lifetime Guarantee of Complete Satisfaction” so …
“This is the eyeglasses cleaner that uses 42,000 Hz of ultrasonic sound waves to remove dirt and dust particles without manual scrubbing or harsh chemicals. Its wide 25-oz. stainless-steel tank (for proper sound wave impedance) holds two pair of eyeglasses and completely detaches from the unit for easy filling under a sink using plain tap water. Three power cycles and five timed settings (from 90 seconds to six minutes) provide controlled cleaning for even the most delicate or soiled items. The cleaner’s whisper-quiet, solid-state circuitry prevents noise, and the unit is suitable for precious metals and gems, waterproof watches, CDs, dentures, rings, bracelets, and necklaces.”
http://www.hammacher.com/publish/75938.asp
Wear your glasses into the shower. Wash with shampoo. Done.
Ironically, one of the reasons I like this over using handsoap is that it also acts as a place for your glasses, so that you know where they are in the morning when you’re groggy, tripping over things, and wishing you had your glasses on so that you could find your glasses.