Gentlemen, behold, my latest invention: the Waterbirth Hot Tub! The miracle of life… now in frappe form! Simply dump your pregnant wife in and add water. Let flow, the juices of creation! The blood and amniotic fluid! The evacuated bowels! The meaty placenta! The sweet honey-like meconium! Now, for the first time ever, you can just climb right on in, seeping in the sweet roue of life itself as massaging jets open up your every pore. And after you’re done, why, you don’t even need to cook: just get yourself a ladle and help yourself to your crockpot full of stew! The missus will certainly appreciate that after a hard day’s labor. Junior? Well, not so much.
Waterbirth Vessel [Coroflot via Born Rich]
I detect disgust on Brownlee’s part. Might I point out that BoingBoing’s own Cory Doctorow had his own daughter waterbirthed?
No one is asking the important question:
Does it make the baby spontaneously re-acquire gills? If so, I’m all for it. Underwater superheroes are nearing extinction and no one’s doing anything about it!
We need an acronym, similar to NSFW, the can be appended to paragraphs such as this. NSWE (Not Safe While Eating), or LTIV (Likely to Induce Vomiting), or some such. This was NOT a pleasant compliment to my lunch hour’s BLT. Cool gizmo though.
*is a little sick*
Okay, that description is past the line, even for BoingBoing.
I think it may deserve an award…
I nearly died of laughter when, in The Office episode 2 weeks ago, Creed referred to water births as reminding him of the “Tide at Omaha Beach.”
… disturbing … Somewhat … macabre – walking the line of humor I guess.
I submitted a post about gills but I forgot to mention that Mr. Brownlee’s culinary suggestion is nothing new.
jesus man
That looks like a cross between a hot tub and a swing set. Couples might find an entirely different use for it.
Great, get me all hungry this close to lunch.
Most of the people I know who did waterbirth do it in inflatable pools.
If Boingboing’s description is nauseatingly grotesque, the description in the image is nauseating in the complete opposite direction.
“…during her birth dance”
If a woman can both give birth and dance while in a tub I’ll be pretty impressed.
“mini waterfall simulation for her entertainment”
I doubt very much that any woman going through having her body pass a child though an orifice is goign to be much entertained by a fake waterfall. Though the sound of it might make her need to pee.
My wife and I spent time in a birthing tub during our son’s birth this past spring. She had some of her strongest contractions during transition there, with Pandora as background noise.
She said it felt like maybe 20 minutes had passed, but she dilated several centimeters over the course of two hours in the tub. We were glad to get a little tub time, since our hospital didn’t offer the full experience of a water birth.
I highly recommend trying it out. The guy in the picture should definitely be in there with her, though.
/me pukes.
We could have done without that last comment.
Gruppler/#2:
Didn’t you see the foreshadowing?
The crescendo of nauseating allusions had only one coda.
Except, there was that misspelling of “roux.” At least I presume that you were describing a birthing bechamel, not, in a strange sort of happenstance, “roue,” which in a way seems fitting, though inconsistent with your otherwise repugnant metaphors. Bravo!
One just hopes the low-paid hospital staff wash it out properly after each use, doesn’t one? Or do they simply add more chrorine …