Joel’s Christmas list, entry 39: Wolverine blade claws

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$40. For the death metal, flea market sociopath and multi-tasking, Weapon X mohel alike.

Tomahawk Skull Gauntlet [Budk via Slippery Brick]

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16 Responses to Joel’s Christmas list, entry 39: Wolverine blade claws

  1. Tony Moore says:

    haha! i’m not going to lie, i saw it and my eyes kinda lit up. My wife would implode, but i could totally see myself dropping a few bucks for something as nerd/redneck self-indulgent as this. Reminds me of drooling over the United Cutlery and Gil Hibben fantasy blades in Smoky Mountain Knife Works catalogues when i was a kid. Wondering what kinda goofy hillbilly would actually pay for this? look no further, friends. I confess my guilt.

  2. controlbroke says:

    best thanksgiving evar!!

  3. DeWynken says:

    Too bad 99.99% of people who buy these would never know what to do with them..or is that a good thing?

    I just think of the two dorks playing Star Wars in that Wii commercial..

  4. BastardNamban says:

    Hey, I blast black, death, & thrash metal. I’m a metalhead. I wear a leather biker jacket with jeans normally, when I’m not in a suit for work.

    But even I would never buy this. As someone who also happens to have affinity for weapons (black metal doesn’t cause it, I just like sharp stuff), I think these fantasy things are just stupid, BECAUSE you can’t use them. I didn’t say I was against cutlery, just crappy fantasy cutlery.

    That said, I only own 2, but I buy handmade knives. Made of good quality steel, made for cutlery. I’m not rich, but if I buy something sharp, I want quality, and in a shape I can use. You can get a lot of nice handmade stuff for less than 200 clams, and it will last. Most of this stuff is so goofy you can’t even use it. That’s a good waste of steel.

  5. Halloween Jack says:

    Who actually buys this stuff?

    Dudes who spend a lot of time posing in front of a full-length mirror while blasting the black metal, is my guess.

  6. Marcel says:

    I can forsee a serious conflict with another typical passtime activity lonely guys indulge themselves in.

  7. byronba says:

    Anonymous @2:
    Could be.. Though I always pictured a brass orchid with blades that went all the way around the wrist and curved outward.

    Been so long since I read Dhalgren that I can’t remember any of the descriptions and I don’t have a copy available right now to check.

  8. BastardNamban says:

    @#1, and this whole post-

    Who actually buys this stuff? I mean, why do companies like this and BudK, selling nothing but cheaply made & ill conceived weapons, even exist? Are there that many people out there that want this stuff? Is there no one left who understands how poor the steel quality in a lot of this is?

    I always imagined this kinda stuff as being owned by some radically poor but violent type, a backyard-samurai wannabe that works at a gas-station, constantly encouraged by the catalogues that he now knew all about secret ninja arts & how to kill a man with a “genuine sam-u-rai kittanna” and whatnot. The outright cultural stupidity these companies promote as truth, specifically east-asian warrior culture, just stuns me.

    And to anyone who thinks I’m just full of it, that whole “shirasaya” that all of these places sell- you know, the blade in a long, guardless sheath?- those were never for fighting in Japan with the samurai. They used those to STORE hand-made blades of particularly high value when not in use in battle. They weren’t weapons, but the “history” these places promote would lead you to believe otherwise. Sorry, stuff like this really hits a nerve with me.

  9. Anonymous says:

    I would have expected more acceptance of niche culture from a group of geeks on a niche culture blog. I guess it always feels good to have somebody below you on the food chain.

  10. mgfarrelly says:

    I’d direct you to this, dare I say more “reserved”, piece of shiny metal weaponry.

    http://www.trueswords.com/wolverine-style-claw-triblade-hand-talons-wall-plaque-p-3661.html

  11. Tony Moore says:

    ‘Cause everybody’s got to have somebody to look down on.
    Who they can feel better than at anytime they please.
    Someone doin’ somethin’ dirty, decent folks can frown on.
    If you can’t find nobody else, then help yourself to me.

  12. Tony Moore says:

    seriously, of all the ridiculous garbage i’ve seen nerds blow $40 or more (usually way more) on, this is among the least ridiculous of transgressions.

    -T

  13. Umbriel says:

    That “triblade” MGFARRELLY linked to looks horribly impractical. There’s no way you could strike or stab anything with it without the backs of the blades levering painfully into the spaces between your knuckles. Tomahawk’s model is far more ergonomic, with the back of your forearm bearing the weight of impact.

    I can’t wait for the first of these to be seized by cops who pat themselves on the back for “taking a deadly weapon off the streets” — as if it’s somehow more dangerous than a large butcher knife or machete.

  14. MORONICA says:

    The perfect gift for all of that trailer trash on your Christmas list!!!

  15. Anonymous says:

    Wasn’t this the weapon of choice of the protagonist in the novel Dhalgren? ’twas called a brass orchid.

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