Perhaps my favorite thing about living in an age of ubiquitous online shopping is almost never having to wrap things anymore. This is not to impugn my wrapping abilities. I actually take pains to wrap things crisply and cleanly, matching the pattern at the fold and taping discreetly. This is largely a reaction against my parents, who are both somewhat sloppy wrappers, and favor gift bags in their dotage, which I utterly loathe: a Christmas gift should appear as it were generated by magic, tearing open Christmas paper is an integral part of the ritual, and besides, where does it all end? A new toy train pulled out of a moist potato sack?
But I digress. I am good at wrapping, but there’s no denying it’s a pain. But when you ask Amazon to wrap your gifts for you, it inevitably comes in Amazon.com branded wrapping paper, immediately alerting everyone of both your laziness and the origin of the gift. This violates my “gifts should appear on Christmas morning as if by magic” dictate.
Oddball gadget makers Firebox seem to have the right idea. They are offering a wrapping service that is not only devoid of branding, but has all the hallmarks of an honestly wrapped gift: brown parcel tape, uneven edges, sloppily cut paper. The end result will presumably lead family members and friends to believe you wrapped it yourself. Unfortunately, short of having a stroke sometime during the next month, I doubt any of my friends or family will buy it: I am a wrapper of renowned talent, after all.
Crap Wrap [Firebox via Foolish Gadgets]
1. My mother, who likes to re-use wrapping paper (!), made it part of my education not to tear open my presents, but separate the taped sections as neatly as possible while inflicting minimal damage. She then proceeded to neatly fold the paper and put it back in the stash with the other leftover odd strips.
2. I never, never, NEVER EVER use brown parcel tape for presents. That has nothing to do with laziness, since it causes the same effort to pick the normal scotch-tape (isn’t that how it’s called in the U.S.?) as it would to grab the parcel tape.
3. Seams are seldomly a problem, since I’ve long quit selecting odd, childish (sorry) kitsch wrapping paper (teddy bears, balloons, confetti, smileys and what not). Mine always have a simplistic, minimalistic, modern geometric pattern/design with colors to match the occasion and create the right mood.
4. I actually love finding these neon-green-super-cleanly-wrapped-box-shaped (amazon-wish-list-originating) presents under the tree, since I can be sure that at least someone decided to get me something I actually wanted rather than what they thought would be nice for me, as my family is wont to do. But I totally understand your point.
(5. In Germany we open our presents on Christmas Eve)
Sadly, they went one step too far; from the web site:
“to confirm authenticity some tipsy bloke wearing boxing gloves and a sack on his head will slap a genuine CrapWrappedâ„¢ label on the completed mess.”
So it’s clear that the giver didn’t wrap it. And that it’s wrapped badly on purpose. Which is akin to explaining a joke before delivering the punchline.