SnorePro zaps, records snorers

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Perhaps the most irritating thing about sharing a bedroom with a snorer is their invariable insistence that you are lying That you shake them awake every hour throughout the night, not because they’ve disturbed your sleep, but because you delight in disturbing theirs. That the bloodshot yolks of your eyes in the morning and the pendulous sacks of grey flesh that underhang them are simply the cosmetic props of your plot to undermine their self-esteem. That there are more effective ways to harass and humiliate the oneiric — whether a hand dipped in a bowl of water or simply by covering them in millipedes as they sleep — never seems to occur to the snorer, It’s enough to want to cure them of snoring the only surefire way: with a pillow.

The SnorePro is a device that attempts to supplant spousal smothering as the method of last resort for curing the chronic snorer. It has two primary functions. The first is that it measures your snoring and sends a mild electric shock every time it catches you somnambulently trying to suck the skin off your own face. But better: it actually records you when you snore, presumably proving once and for all that you actually have a problem.

If that works, it’s great, but I’ve shared beds with girls who snored so much they spit up ceiling tiles the next morning, who still invariably denied that they would ever do anything so unladylike. I’m betting the electroshock treatment is the surer bet.

SnorePro [HBI via Slippery Brick]

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11 Responses to SnorePro zaps, records snorers

  1. Iskander says:

    Or, maybe, go get a sleep study and find out if your snoring is linked to apnea that can seriously damage your health.

  2. semiotix says:

    I can think of a hundred uses for a device that delivers an electric shock to a person every time they make a noise that bothers me, and only a couple of them have anything to do with snoring.

    The only problem is that flimsy armband looks way too easy to pry or chew off.

  3. Anonymous says:

    So, if you snore and don’t suffer from sleep apnea (which can be a very serious health risk — enough that my doctor had to score me against a scale when I went in for a physical to have my driver’s license renewed), this device will simulate sleep apnea.

    Good idea.

  4. nnguyen says:

    i’m totally buying this to put on my girlfriend, the only conflict is she might be buying one to put on me….

  5. TabulaRasa says:

    I used to snore loud and heavy, at least so i’ve been told. Now that i’ve stopped consuming alcohol (yes, consuming, not only drinking the liquid form) it has stopped.

  6. Not a Doktor says:

    So if I’m having sleep sex with someone wearing this and they start to make noises will I get shocked through my dick?

  7. dofnup says:

    But if they deny that they snore, they will refuse to wear this … is the only option to wait until they are asleep every single night, then put it on them without waking them, then making sure you awaken before them to surreptitiously remove it?

    The ol’ elbow-to-the-ribcage method still wins, then. And is free.

  8. Freddie Freelance says:

    Humbert snores?

  9. RedShirt77 says:

    So if the dog barks do I get a shock?

    Does it shock me awake as the alarm clock goes off?

  10. pupdog says:

    As a heavy snorer/sleep apnea sufferer, I’m not buying it. Brownlee sharing a bed with a girl? Pfft…

  11. RedShirt77 says:

    Does it shock you every time your partner snores too?

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