Water Vitalizer Plus makes water drinkable

While leafing through my charming but gullible sister's Amazon wishlist, I discovered this gem: the "Water Vitalizer Plus". Developed by The Wolfe Clinic, just reading its bullet point descriptions just make me feel healthier.
•The Water Vitalizer Plus water is Hexagonal Water. &bull:Structure Water powerful magnetic and infrared forces reduce the size of individual water clusters, creating Hexagonal Water for more rapid penetration into your body. • Increased Oxygen turbulent forces create a visible vortex, increasing the amount of oxygen in your drinking water - up to 30%. • Add Minerals a mineral core within the unit releases structure-making minerals during the vitalizing process to help structure the water and increase alkalinity. • Add Energy  the resulting energy in Vitalized water is enough to begin to balance the organs of your body within minutes after drinking
Only $500! As customer "Lexxie" explains, the Water Vitalizer Plus's efficacy cannot be denied:
It is scientifically proven that when you drink pure water ran through the Vitalizer Plus it goes right into your cells hydating the body immediately,it doesn't sit in your stomach slushing around undigested, making you nauseous like regular tap water or even bottled drinking water does.
Thousands die a thirsty death every day due to tap water-induced nausea, collapsed face down in their own sick next to a taunting, hissing faucet. Water Vitalizer Plus [Amazon]
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25 Responses to Water Vitalizer Plus makes water drinkable

  1. Secret_Life_of_Plants says:

    Just don’t think bad thoughts or listen to Rock and Roll near the blender:


  2. mistersite says:

    4 Corner TIME, CUBES EARTH.
    We (Mom, Dad & Me), Gene Ray
    Possess Harmonic Cubic Wisdom
    that transcends and contradicts the
    Bibical 1st Day – Genesis 1.5 – when
    the greatest math & scientific scam
    of all human existence was deified.

  3. kc0bbq says:

    My tap water tastes good. And it has lots of oxygen, and minerals, and some flouride for mind control, and some sort of nonpoisonous chemical from the whatever-the-new-PC-name-is 3M Chemolite plant.

    It’s an organic chemical, anyway, so that makes it good.

    Am I the only person outside NYC with good tasting tapwater?

  4. Paul Coleman says:

    Increased Oxygen – turbulent forces create a visible vortex, increasing the amount of oxygen in your drinking water – up to 30%.

    What this tells me is that you will fart a great deal more when consuming this vitalized water. All hail the farting waters!

  5. Dean says:

    &bull:Structure Water powerful magnetic and infrared forces reduce the size of individual water clusters, creating Hexagonal Water for more rapid penetration into your body.

    Freudian slip much?

  6. mightymouse1584 says:

    finally, a product to make my water more watery.

  7. shutz says:

    The only hexagonal water I know of is in the form of snowflakes and, more generally, water ice.

    I doubt that freezing the water (regardless of the amounts of oxygen and minerals you add) makes it easier to absorb.

  8. gwizah says:

    Bah! I’ll wait for version 2 which I hear will have an optional “Snake-Oil injector” to really get that water good and hexagonal.

  9. Anonymous says:

    For those going WTF about the ‘theory’ behind this gadget, Google Masaru Emoto and Message from Water to see where the supporters fantasies are coming from.

  10. TJ S says:

    While I’m sure this thing puts out incredible tasting water, I think I’ll just stick to filtering mine through activated charcoal.

  11. Anonymous says:

    I was working at an outdoor store one slow night when a young guy came in. I struck up a conversation with him about some piece of gear or whatever, when he suddenly said “you look like a smart person…” You can imagine what was coming next- he wanted to know if I’d like to get in on the ground floor to sell bottled hexagonal water, which “hydrates you faster.” I wanted to just boot him from the store but I told him to go talk to the people in the B-school at the local U.

  12. muteboy says:

    #15, of course you can dilute it much further because the water holds the vibration of the water, giving the same effect.

  13. muteboy says:

    what utter balls

  14. Anonymous says:

    You guy are all close-minded and ignorant.

    As a person who used to drink penta-hydrate exclusively and might start again soon. There is something to this stuff. You feel much different on it.

    And if any of you ever try alkaline water you can taste and feel the difference right away.

    Think about it your 70% water, and you don’t think that the kind of water makes any difference?

    Wake up.

    I have not tried this device but I will not call it snake oil without trying it and seeing for myself.

    Funny how you all think everything is a scam but the things that really are like The Medical establishment and drugs.

  15. edgore says:

    @Mightymouse – I find that simply diluting my water accomplishes the same end for much less than $500 (I use 2 parts water to 1 part water).

  16. mujadaddy says:

    Hey, Mr. Site, don’t conflate
    with these guys selling a blender.

    TIMECUBE.COM is the greatest example of HTML evAr. Seriously, “view source” sometime — it’s even better than the content!

  17. jenjen says:

    O thank heaven. I was wasting my hard-earned money on bottled Penta water which as you know only means FIVE. If I can get SIX doofribbyjimjags in my water, that sounds better. If only I had some ice-nine to put in it.

  18. technogeek says:

    Let’s hear it for homeopathics. That scam has been going strong for … how many centuries now?

    Next month, the obvious add-on product: Instant Water.

  19. AirPillo says:

    What confuses me is that people receive the necessary education to know that this is bullshit during high school, and retain so little of it that they can’t realize this thing doesn’t change the water at all.

  20. SamSam says:

    I remember when the rage was all about “PENTA-water” — it was supposed to be five-sided water (or somethig silly), and my grandmother’s nurse would buy this silly stuff for $4+ dollars a bottle.

    Same nonsense — penta-water will enter your cells faster ec. etc. etc.

    I’m glad we’ve outgrown the old, dark-ages when we could only get FIVE-sided water: SIX-sided FTW! I’m sure, though, that, like the Gillette Fusion, there will always be those who hark and grumble about not needing more sides to their water…

  21. SamSam says:

    Hmmm… now that I think about it, if we combine five-sided water and six-sided water just right, we could probably get some really interesting bucky-balls! Or at least soccer balls…

  22. BastardNamban says:

    I googled the guy. It makes no sense, I can’t even figure out what he “claims”. but I can tell one thing from reading it- it looks like total bull*@$%.

    Hexagonal water? How do people even come up with this blatent crap? I failed both normal college chemistry & engineering chemistry (everything else, A&B), but even I know better than this.

    People that buy into this kind of obvious stupidity need to leave the gene pool.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Please, please, PLEASE post the rest of your sister’s wish list.

  24. toxonix says:

    A lot of ‘alt. health’ people (ie hypochondriacs) believe that water with lower surface tension is easier for your cells to absorb. At one point one of these people told me I was sick, and needed about $300 worth of supplements per month to detoxify my organs and start healing. One of the supplements was a bottle of ‘super clusters’, a few drops of which to be added to ever glass/bottle of water. I was to drink only the most alkaline water, with the lowest surface tension possible. This would help hydrate my cells and speed up the detoxification process! All that toxic waste that had accumulated was making me sick!!
    Actually I was allergic to dairy.

  25. Anonymous says:

    I only drink icosahedral water FTW!!!

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