On the average day, I kiss a lot of people. Young, old, it doesn’t matter… in the dark. Yet I also suffer from bronchial-searing halitosis.
In truth, this was why I originally purchased my budgerigar, Humbert Humbird: a little buddy to trim my nose hairs and pick the mottled skin off my lips most of the time, but whom also played the role of “canary in the mine shaft.” It’s Humbert’s more sterling qualities of dignity and forbearance that have prevented me from cramming him down past my uvula for a whiff like his predecessors.
Thankfully, technology. For only $30 — only a bit more than the price of a budgerigar — you can get a portable Kiss-O-Meter to accurately gauge the stench emanating from the sunken butt of your throat.