Sex with the cable guy: does it really happen?

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Jordan, a gorgeously cute, freckled blonde, was looking to have her phone line installed so off we go to do what we do best, satisfy the customer. After looking at the disastrous mess of cable and wires at her place it was obvious to me, we didn’t have the right equipment to do the job. Jordan, however, had a different job on her mind and I definitely had the right tool to take care of that. Watch me plug my cable into Jordan, and box and jackhammer that tight socket at T1 speeds.

Excerpted from CableGuySex.com

Sex with the cable guy–it’s a fantasy that has become a regular sexual obsession in our society, especially among bored housewives and other stay-at-homes. There’s just something about blue collar man in uniform coming over in the middle of the day when the kids are at school and the husband is at work to satisfy all your entertainment needs–TV, Internet, daytime sex with a stranger. There are pornos with titles like Cable Guy Sex and Blue Collar Butthole (yes, the latter is gay porn) and Time Warner even produced a promotional calendar last year that featured 12 hot hunky cable guys with bulging muscles doing things like, cooking a delicious meal for you in their hard hat.

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“It’s the 21st century version of our grandmothers’ sex with the milk man and our mothers’ sex with the plumber fantasies,” says Carol Queen, who runs the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco. She also points out that, with the increase in the number of female cable people, there could be a secret lesbian angle to the fantasy, too. Keep reading for more cable guy porn scenarios and to read about my ongoing quest to find out whether sex with the cable guy actually happens.


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What I was really hoping for this story was find someone who had actually had sex with the cable guy. I, unfortunately, have not had sex with my cable guy. (The last cable guy that came over was pretty old, and I’m just not into old dudes.) Neither had Carol Queen, and she didn’t know anyone who had either. I even posted a note on Craigslist asking for people who had had sex with the cable guy to email me, but nobody wrote in. Does sex with the cable guy actually happen, or is it a fantasy that doesn’t translate well in real time?

I called my local cable company, Comcast. “Can you comment on whether sex with the cable guy or sexual harassment of cable guys is a problem you’ve noticed at Comcast?” I asked the lady on the phone. Long silence. “Uhhh… not that I’m aware of,” she finally said. “But I will pass on your message and get back to you.” As of right now, I still haven’t heard back from them.

Also for “research purposes,” I spent a bunch of time commuting to local porn shops and surfing YouPorn(NSFW!) and Gamelink(NSFW!). I didn’t find any lesbian cable porn, but I did find that most cable guy porn had pretty basic story lines. Here’s another from CableGuySex.com (NSFW!):

Alexis was having some trouble with her phone jack and scheduled a date for the cable guy crew to come in and have a look. After ringing the doorbell a few times with no answer, we thought we would have a peek in the window before leaving. Looks like someone forgot the cable guy was coming over because Alexis was in the middle of a hot masturbation session when we knocked on the bedroom window. I guess we came at the perfect time because when she opened the door, the only “jack” Alexis was interested in, was jack-ing my cock.

Before I go, let me ask you this: Have you ever had sex with the cable guy, fantasized about it, or know anyone who has? Ever uttered words like “Let’s establish a connection between my dick and your lips” or “Do you like my tight little pussy cable boy”? If so, leave a message in the comments or shoot me an e-mail.

About Lisa Katayama

I'm a contributing editor here at Boing Boing. I also have a blog (TokyoMango), a book (Urawaza), and I freelance for Wired, Make, the NY Times Magazine, PRI's Studio360, etc. I'm @tokyomango on Twitter.
This entry was posted in Sex and Relationships. Bookmark the permalink.

27 Responses to Sex with the cable guy: does it really happen?

  1. Bruce Lakeman says:

    i work for a large cable company in the midwest. the reality is that many more cable guys have been fired for coming on to female customers than there are guys who have had sex with them. people usually try to be nice to guests in their homes. it’s very easy to misinterpret their intentions. when i thought a woman was coming on to me, i pretended not to notice. i can get laid in my free time. a chance at a quick fuck isn’t worth losing your job.

  2. slip-up says:

    THIS JUST HAPPENED TO ME! (Okay, not sex) but he invited me to pull his balls in exchange for free cable! (and the dude is cute)

    I was so flustered and laughing so hard…. I’m still not sure if it really happened (I did not pull his nut sack in exchange for free cable) –but next month who knows???????

  3. colonel gentleman says:

    Even if you do get some “true confessions”, won’t they read like Penthouse Letters?

    “I couldn’t believe this was happening to me…”

  4. Anonymous says:

    A freind of mine was making ends meet by working for the gas board reading meters. On one day he had to read the meter of a nice girl in Cornwall, they had a nice chat and a cup of tea but he never got up the courage to ask for her number.
    The next day his mate was doing the same work on the other side of town. At one house the ladie asked if he was the same guy who had been round and checked her daughters meter the day before. Recognising the description of my mate, the freind passed on his number and long story short they’re now happily coupled up (twins).
    Not as much sleaze as you might have been after but hey…

  5. ptsd says:

    … Do cable guys really cook meals in their hard hats?
    … And aren’t they usually made of plastic?
    (-The hard hats, not the cable guys!)

  6. Nelson.C says:

    I spy spam.

  7. Matthew Walton says:

    I’m pretty sure it must have happened to someone, somewhere. There are simply too many cable guys visiting too many houses for it to have not happened.

    I very much doubt it’s very widespread though.

    I did know somebody once who wanted to be the cable guy, go to somebody’s house, get attacked, tied up and suffer things that small children aren’t supposed to know about. He never went as far as actually getting a job with the cable company though. Probably a sensible move…

  8. hmmm says:

    Stupid website. ppl get a life

  9. Jake0748 says:

    Is this really about gadgets?

  10. HeatherB says:

    I don’t think I would want to have any type of sexual relationship with someone who never comes when they say they will.

  11. airship says:

    I don’t know. But I do know that in 1971, sex with the pizza delivery guy definitely happened. :)

  12. Anonymous says:

    Lesbian cable sex, it happens. I just wrote my story last night and will post it to my site today. I welcome you or any of your readers to come visit. I’ll come back and post the site url.

    Have an awesome day.
    Selena Bellamaria

  13. Trung says:

    I just blogged about this, and decided to have a bit of googling fun when this turned up. Here you go!

    http://trungs.blogspot.com/2009/07/holy-shit-i-made-porn.html

  14. Mycroft says:

    I don’t know about cable guys, but being a pool guy isn’t nearly as sexy as porn has led me to believe, though I don’t live up to the porn standard of a sexy pool guy either, so fair enough.

  15. Anonymous says:

    “It’s the 21st century version of our grandmothers’ sex with the milk man and our mothers”

    Incredibly unfortunate linebreak.

  16. di says:

    so i just got new cable yesterday and i totally dig my cable guy! we chatted a bit but that was it….what should i do now? how do i seduce my cable guy!?

  17. stygyan says:

    When I worked repairing computers, I had sex with the clients at least three times.

    It helps that I’m bisexual. And the gay nerd look does have something of a charm.

  18. PeaceLove says:

    #14: Game, set, match!

  19. Anonymous says:

    Sorry to disappoint you folks, but the cable shown is not a submarine one. They were either coaxial in the pre-fiber optic days, or else fiber-optic with a few (maybe 10) fibers after that point. The cable shown is a terrestrial one.

    Further, in 1901, cables were telegraph, not telephone (let alone data). The first transoceanic telephone cable was laid in 1956 between Canada and the UK. The first transoceanic submarine cable was laid in 1988.

    Finally, the conditions under which cable repairs were and are done at sea are such that it is quite unlikely that anything shown in the picture could happen. Sigh! I say this for my friends in the industry.

  20. Garr says:

    @airship:

    Wasn’t that what happened to/with Janet Jackson?

  21. Anonymous says:

    I had a crazy amount of sex when I was doing computer repair back in the day.

    The key always seemed to be if the woman asked you if you wanted a beer. this was like “have sex with me” code. Evey time I got asked that, we would end up doing something.

    The weirdest thing was how many of the women wanted to go down on me. In my normal dating life, this is rare! But on this job, it happened a lot.

    When your 25, its a great job!

    I think now that a lot of the women were watching porn about the sexy cable guy and this gave them the idea!

    Sexy computer repair guy just does not sound very hot does it?

  22. Anonymous says:

    im actually a cable guy in the west coast and i’d like to tell you that it does happen. Happens about 6 times a year, but it happens

    the appointments tend to lead to a separate meeting at her place or at a bar….only once has it worked out the very same appointment, and she was married.

    Being a cable guy is fun stuff.

  23. ryan-t says:

    Porn can be ok … but why not date, find singles from online dating, date, connect and build a relationship too.

  24. Michael Leung says:

    Interesting article. Cable guy sex is more of a stereotype, because all the cable guys I’ve seen… hell, it hasn’t turned me gay yet.

  25. Michael Leung says:

    BTW, those are the funniest porn blurbs I’ve seen in a while.

  26. Anonymous says:

    “Lord. You can imagine where it goes from here.”

    “He fixes the cable?”

  27. Anonymous says:

    I came very, very close to propositioning the phone company guy about 8 years ago. He was reaaally hot.

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