Anti Monkey Butt Powder has three ingredients: talc, calamine powder and “fragrance” (a bit like a flower-scented candle). Runners put it between their cheeks and around all their personal bits and pieces to prevent chafing and soak up sweat.
My experience: Very smooth, soft, powdery, smells good, feels great, no rashes or chafing. Also, it makes a hilarious mess if you’re not careful. Like eating a jelly donut, you can’t go hog wild, especially if you wear black or dark colors.
How to use: Remove shorts completely. Dump small amount of powder in palm. Rub around vigorously but, you know, gently. Replace shorts slowly. Wash hands.
Warning: Resist the temptation to powder yourself when not exercising. Start indulging in this all the time, and you might as well wear a diaper.
In case you’re not sold on the merits of this AMBP. Their ads feature a chimp:
If you care to know, pro cyclists use vaseline or similar (and don’t wear underpants in their cycling shorts, by the way)
I thought there was some thing about Talc causing Ovarian Cancer when used in the genital region. Maybe that is bunk, but just a thought…
Chimps are apes, not monkeys, as are the primates reknown for their bright red posteriors.
But Ape or Chimp Butt isn’t as funny sounding as Monkey Butt.
I bought some of this at the hardware store (!) about a year ago. I don’t use it very often, I just like to leave it sitting around on the counter in the bathroom, visitors are always amused.
Why are there so many pedantic, or otherwise annoying, comments under the “anonymous” name?
Guess what???
#2 Well talc is carcinogenic, so I’d avoid internal consumption or overuse, unless I had a risk worthy reason.
@JJASPER: Why?
Richard…
Can’t escape without reference to this epic Gold Bond powder thread:
http://forums.nasioc.com/forums/showthread.php?t=375921
“it’s like a 1,000 little gnomes with icy hands massaging your boys.”
@V: thanks for the thread link. Hilarious.
I didn’t see massaging, I saw a quote where the gnomes were going Mike Tyson on your boys. I wanted to ask you where you got your massages, as a Mike Tyson-style massage sounds awesome!
Fortunately, there is a direct tie-in this as someone asks:
‘Can I use this [Gold Bond] for my corn-hole?’
Now we know.
PS Also corn-hole or cornhole or corn hole? I thank you.
davedorr9 (#11), what the hell are you talking about?
davedorr9 (#11), what the hell are you babbling about?
oh gosh. my grandparents pass this around when they play cards. Whenever someone is losing they get the Anti Monkey Butt.
it might be suitable for non-sport activities, but for sport its no good at all. you’re much better off with the stick deodorant-like stuff which is effectively rub on teflon. water proof, protects the skin from chafing and blisters. triathletes use it. several brands, one is BodyGlide
Cornstarch, at least for the non-allergic, is a better substitute for talc. *Not* corn meal, tho. Itchy.
About the Vaseline for the pro bikers… ew. Squishy underwear (or lack thereof) for all eternity.
My girlfriend’s son got this stuff as a gag gift from his uncle one time, he loves to tell the story of how, one night when the family was staying at a hotel, his grandmother came knocking on his door and said “Quick, Grandpa needs your Monkey Butt powder, NOW!”