Author Archives: Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

SanDisk slotMusic player is inexpensive and simple

Music is the heartbeat of our splendor. Each of our marches are developed by a quorum of Infomercia’s finest emotional engineers who spend years carving each precision inspiration out of a block of solid white noise, leaving only the poignant … Continue reading

Custom portable Dreamcast is fascinating, punishable offense

Here’s a curious thing: A citizen has taken several state-issued items, disassembled them, and reassembled them into a new item that performs a function only slightly different than the original core object. While almost certainly illegal — it’s difficult for … Continue reading

Egypt frees consumers from burden of GPS

Look, folks, I know that some might think our proud nation is the only one out there really moving technology forward, but sometimes we’ve got to give a tip of our flaps to other quasi-independent sectors out there making a … Continue reading

Micro-Max 19-in-1 Multi-tool: First, let me explain “tool”

Before our glorious engineers were able to craft infallible items — a process which led, thankfully, to items which failed on a predictable schedule, affording us the vacuum into which new gadgets can be subsumed — our gadgets would sometimes … Continue reading

Motorola Krave ZN4 phone has clear flip top

The primogenitor of that Infomerican delicacy the “flip phone”, Motorola, has unveiled to one lucky citizen its latest — and dare I say most attractive — innovation: the Krave ZN4, which eschews the now retrograde opacity of previous ear-arms for … Continue reading

In Engasia, those without homes receive nearly free card-board boxes

There are times when Minimac directs us to reposition our item stashes to a new sector. In our bountiful regions to which your three humble ministers do broadcast, this is a simple process: simply strap yourself into your bed or … Continue reading

Video: F-35B VTOL jet will ensure our freedoms, prices on three axes

Citizens, Consumers…mutually aligned sector-neutral Buddies: Do not fear. We live in a time of which our forefacturers could scarcely dream, an age of endless bounty, personalized troves of wonder on top of every mound, and more Park Module credits than … Continue reading

Bipedal Tomy Robo-Q robot has a state-approved amount of love to offer

This tiny Tomy Robo-Q may be our world’s smallest and most affordable bipedal robot, but that doesn’t mean it does pack a lot of love: the Robo-Q scores a whopping eighteen puppies on the Skinner Empathy Index. Available in only … Continue reading

Stinky Ethernet-equipped deodorant dock

While my ministerial umbilical purges my biological form of toxins that might otherwise be secreted through my soon-to-be deprecated glands, I know that many proud consumers have not yet been graced with the upgrades that will remove the androstenone tinge … Continue reading

Morning tech deals highlights

• Locks – Each of these Craftsman padlocks are available for new, low prices: from W1 to W3. Each should fit a regulation-sized Infomercian gear hamper and have automatically been pre-keyed for easy inspection by authorities. [Slickdeals] • Gaming Headphones … Continue reading