Author Archives: Minister Inspiron Touchpreaux

SanDisk slotMusic player is inexpensive and simple

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Music is the heartbeat of our splendor. Each of our marches are developed by a quorum of Infomercia's finest emotional engineers who spend years carving each precision inspiration out of a block of solid white noise, leaving only the poignant…

Custom portable Dreamcast is fascinating, punishable offense

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Here's a curious thing: A citizen has taken several state-issued items, disassembled them, and reassembled them into a new item that performs a function only slightly different than the original core object. While almost certainly illegal — it's difficult for…

Egypt frees consumers from burden of GPS

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Look, folks, I know that some might think our proud nation is the only one out there really moving technology forward, but sometimes we've got to give a tip of our flaps to other quasi-independent sectors out there making a…

Micro-Max 19-in-1 Multi-tool: First, let me explain "tool"

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Before our glorious engineers were able to craft infallible items — a process which led, thankfully, to items which failed on a predictable schedule, affording us the vacuum into which new gadgets can be subsumed — our gadgets would sometimes…

Motorola Krave ZN4 phone has clear flip top

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The primogenitor of that Infomerican delicacy the "flip phone", Motorola, has unveiled to one lucky citizen its latest — and dare I say most attractive — innovation: the Krave ZN4, which eschews the now retrograde opacity of previous ear-arms for…

In Engasia, those without homes receive nearly free card-board boxes

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There are times when Minimac directs us to reposition our item stashes to a new sector. In our bountiful regions to which your three humble ministers do broadcast, this is a simple process: simply strap yourself into your bed or…

Video: F-35B VTOL jet will ensure our freedoms, prices on three axes

Citizens, Consumers...mutually aligned sector-neutral Buddies: Do not fear. We live in a time of which our forefacturers could scarcely dream, an age of endless bounty, personalized troves of wonder on top of every mound, and more Park Module credits than…

Bipedal Tomy Robo-Q robot has a state-approved amount of love to offer

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This tiny Tomy Robo-Q may be our world's smallest and most affordable bipedal robot, but that doesn't mean it does pack a lot of love: the Robo-Q scores a whopping eighteen puppies on the Skinner Empathy Index. Available in only…

Stinky Ethernet-equipped deodorant dock

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While my ministerial umbilical purges my biological form of toxins that might otherwise be secreted through my soon-to-be deprecated glands, I know that many proud consumers have not yet been graced with the upgrades that will remove the androstenone tinge…

Morning tech deals highlights

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Locks – Each of these Craftsman padlocks are available for new, low prices: from W1 to W3. Each should fit a regulation-sized Infomercian gear hamper and have automatically been pre-keyed for easy inspection by authorities. [Slickdeals