The terrible western cartoon artwork gracing "How to Draw Manga" books are beaten in the shitstakes by the amateurish cover to "How to Cheat in Photoshop CS3: The art of creative photorealistic montages."

Looking like something tossed off in five minutes for a Worth1000 or SA forum thread, the image is a mash of ill-cropped components, sharp edges and woeful colorization, with the spatial relationships of a popsicle shadow play. And ... why is there a giant hole in his left elbow? "Photorealistic montages" indeed—fourth edition!

Be sure to read the creepy reviews at Amazon. Here's the apparent original, fished out by a commenter at the original post...

How To Cheat In Photoshop By Reason Of Mental Illness [Photoshop Disasters, via a similarly horrifying work featured at the motherboing.]

In today's consumerist age, it's important, when buying a gadget or gewgaw, to be one hundred percent certain that its manufacturer applauds your choice of whichever gooey orifice you might find yourself drawn towards plunging. So in a recent survey by Prime Access, 757 gays and lesbians were asked to rank companies by their perceived gay-friendliness.

The gay-friendliest companies aren't surprising. Companies that strongly pursue the metrosexual demographic come out tops: Apple is, not shockingly, considered the most gay friendly tech company out there. Starbucks, Bravo, Absolut, Baccardi and Levi's are also in the top 13.

It's the bottom half of the list that's strange. The least gay friendly tech company, according to the study? Samsung. The least gay friendly company overall? Cracker Barrel. Cracker Barrel fired a number of employees in the 90s solely for being gay, but in 2003, they changed their tune, instituting an anti-gay discrimination policy. The gay community remembers these things for a long time... as they should. Speaking with your dollars is the only real way to be heard.

But Samsung? Google turns up no mention of Samsung sponsored, anti-gay pogroms. I am very willing to condemn Samsung's anti-gay agenda — it's ludicrous that any firm would harbor an anti-gay policy in 2008 — but I can't find anything on it. Yet something must be there: the Cracker Barrel placement indicates that gay consumers have elephant-like memories when it comes to a company's history. So what did Samsung do to stir up the ire of our nation's Rainbow Legionnaires?

Highlights of the 2008 Gay and Lesbian Consumer Study [Prime Access via Gizmodo]

The defining characteristic of the internet-era institution of "frequently asked questions" is that they rarely resemble questions many would actually ask. They're always "questions we anticipate you might ask, the subset thereof we deign to answer." Virgin Mobile is shaking up this tradition with its revolutionary Honest FAQ.

"How do I make my own ringtones?" for example, is replied to with a blunt "Dunno."

The FAQ also leaks the names of three new handsets presumably forthcoming from Virgin Mobile: The X, Y, and Z.

This Virgin Mobile FAQ Is Honest, But Not Very Helpful [Consumerist]

WTAE, the ABC affiliate in Pittsburgh, just ran a story about people spending rebate cheques on televisions. It went from stern to drooling at record speed, with the "reporter" noting that for only a hundred dollars extra over the base model, one can "invest" in the 42" Visio model!

There are certain marketing-like words that we sometimes allow to creep into coverage--companies may unveil gadgets, boast of new features, or sport cheap crimson lipstick--but this one is just a beauty. Invest!

A New York woman used .Mac's Back to my Mac remote login feature to take shots of the man who stole her laptop.

Duplaga immediately signed on to another Macintosh computer and, using a feature called “Back to My Mac,” was able to gain access to her missing laptop remotely. She could see that that the person who had her computer was shopping for beds, Mr. Jackson said. Then it occurred to her that she could activate a camera on her laptop and watch the thief live.

At first, the photo application revealed only a smoky room and an empty chair, Mr. Jackson said, but then a man sat down. Ms. Duplaga, again using remote technology, typed in the command to snap a photo. “When you take a picture with that computer, it shows a countdown, and when it does, this guy figures out what’s going on,” Mr. Jackson said. “It all clicks for him, and he puts his hand up to cover the lens, but it was too late. She had already taken the picture.”

Edmon Shahikian, 23, of Katonah, and Ian Frias, 20, of the Bronx, were arrested and charged with being completely stupid.

Stolen Laptop Helps Turn Tables on Suspects [NY Times]

Every time we pay for something over the internet — as anyone who loves technology and gadgets surely does — many of us still shrivel with fear inside. Some are just aware of identity theft and the army of fraudsters lurking in the system. Some may have established and maintained internet merchant setups, and know how byzantine and self-serving that system is. In the last day or so, two seemingly trivial discoveries made me cringe.

Here's a perfect example of why support staff need to receive exhaustive training before they are permitted to represent a company. In trying to avoid covering under-warranty repairs for a laptop, a HP staffer claims that Amazon "probably" sold her counterfeit HP equipment.

'I said "There is no way that my laptop is not a brand new. It's HP Sealed and sold by Amazon.com. Are you telling me the HP seal is a fake one too?" He said "Probably." I asked, "With my laptop serial number, does my laptop match every specification on your HP database?" He said "Yes." I said, "That's what HP built and sold to me. As a customer/consumer, who will take their laptop apart and check if there's a serial number on the motherboard before they buy?" He argued, "But HP will not ship anything without a serial number."'

Underneath it all is a less ridiculous but far more evil claim, repeated several times—according to the customer—by HP's myriad organs: that its warranty does not actually cover what HP manufactures, only the software it installs on it.

On the other hand, if Amazon really is selling fake HP gear, that's just super.

HP Denies Your Warranty, Accuses Amazon Of Selling You A "Fake" Laptop [Consumerist]

Camera stores aren't the only folks getting in on the reader-review bribery game. The Consumerist and Gizmodo today double-team another gadget shop found to have encouraged naughty shenanigans with a little store credit.

"Dear Valued Customer, If you have purchased from us before and feel we did a good job, please use the link below and rate us 10/10 and we will give you $5.00 in credit to use for anything on our website."

Challenged, the sneaky store said "We worded the email that was sent out improperly," prompting Giz's Mark Wilson to quip "Of course! It's like a multi-word typo."

It's almost enough to make you think that anonymous, aggregative review systems are intrinsically corruptible!
TheCellShop.net Caught Bribing Customers To Submit "Perfect" Reviews [Consumerist via Gizmodo]

Last time we saw Joel, he was murmuring something about charging forth and finding a coterie of Costa Rican bikini babes willing to make a martini in his mouth. We haven't heard from him since. But over at Joel's other blog, Dethroner compatriot Jason has a post about a scuzzy New York camera shop that charged him $75 shipping for his $5,000 Nikon D3, then threw it loose into a large box and allowed a sumo wrestler to belly flop atop it. This prompted Jason to leave an understandably negative Amazon review of the seller. Now they're trying to bribe him to remove it...

After looking into the said situation, we are not sure who you spoke to. However, we are looking into the situation as customer service is our number one priority here at Cameta Camera. In addition, we are also going to be speaking to the shipping manager in regards to how the unit was packaged and shipped. We also have the following option to offer you as a remedy.

We are ready to issue you a credit for $75.00 back to your Amazon account (which is the original freight paid). Our’ only concern is that in the past we have made an accommodation for a customer but they have left us negative feedback anyway. If you would be willing to remove your negative feedback remark to our account (and then email me to let me know that it has been done) I will issue the credit right away. We pride ourselves on good customer service and we are willing to work with you.

The first part of their response is good: we fucked up. The second paragraph, though, completely dismisses the value of fessing up to a mistake: "oh, we'll give you your shipping back, but only if this remains between you and me."

NY Camera Store Offers Bribe to Fix Amazon Rating [Dethroner]

Forgive me, readers, but we're heading off the gadget reservation for this one.

The Consumerist has a piece today on a custom-auto shop whose contract forbids chargebacks. For those not in the know, that's when you call your credit card issuer to dispute a charge, a procedure that the auto shop will have agreed to abide by in its own agreements with Visa, Mastercard and the like. Most interestingly, however, another clause in the contract says that if you do so, it will add your name to a "chargeback abuse database."

The problem, for merchants, is that credit card companies usually side with the customer when disputes arise, even when it's abundantly obvious the merchant is in the right. That said, the idea that someone maintains and shares an unregulated database of possibly-defamatory information, to which may be added any customer's personal data (regardless of whether their complaint is merited or not), seems deliciously unscrupulous.

Curious, I googled the phrase "chargeback abuse database." There are a number of online businesses that threaten to add you to this mysterious chargeback database — but who will happily remove you from it if you pay a cash penalty.

Behind some of them, at least, is a website calling itself Chargeback Protection, founded to "address the problem of chargeback abuse and minimize the related economic losses."

The odd part: what use would such a database be to merchants if it can be wiped by the very "abusers" it ostensibly tracks? Even those who merely warn a merchant that they'll contact their credit card holders are targeted for inclusion: Chargeback Procetion's homepage asks for reports of "chargeback threats" as well as actual chargebacks.

VISA prohibits its merchants from imposing "no chargeback" policies on customers. Read on to read some of the novel anti-chargeback terms and conditions we found.

If you're taking a sick day tomorrow in order to properly spend the Grand Theft Auto IV launch in an orgiastic reverie of virtual crime, you may not want to bank on your pre-order being delivered on-time... or at all. According to Ars Technica, three UPS drivers have been fired in the last 24 hours for stealing copies of GTAIV from customers... with a number of interviews of other drivers that will likely take place today and are also expected to end in termination.

I'd usually assume this was some sort of marketing stunt, but Ars Technica's source is a UPS employee himself, who claims that the thefts aren't for eBay:

"They're not selling them, these people are stealing one copy," he told me—all of the thefts seem to be for personal use. It seems many people think stealing a game a few days before release is worth it, and this is far from the perfect crime.

The situation is apparently novel to UPS, which I'm sure will tickle the cockles of Jack Thompson's ichorous heart, although" Grand Theft Auto IV corrupts stupid adults in brown delivery shorts" doesn't really have a lot of cache in the court of public opinions.

Grand Theft UPS: copies of GTA stolen en route to retailers [Ars Technica]

German publisher Bertelsmann has announced that they will be selling a stripped-down printed version of Wikipedia later this year. Wha'?

The idea is to use Wikipedia to capture the zeitgeist by selecting the most popular entries, Beate Varnhorn, the editor in charge of Bertelsmann’s reference works, said in an interview by telephone. “We think of it as an encyclopedic yearbook,” Dr. Varnhorn said, leaving open the possibility of new editions if the 2008 version is successful.

It won't be, but it's an interesting approach to take. Needless to say, not all of Wikipedia will be represented: the number being thrown around is 50,000 of the most popular entries. 4 of the top 10 German Wikipedia entries? "Penis", "Sex", "Vagina" and "Adolf Hitler." Sounds like a fun book to read. Unfortunately, these 50,000 entries will be stripped down to about 15 lines each, which certainly isn't enough space to print the bulk of Wikipedia's content: 4,000 word fictional biographies of anime characters.

Actually, that was just a joke, but come to think of it, wouldn't that be a better tack altogether? Use Wikipedia as your content source for the printing of themed encyclopedias aimed at certain niches. Wikipedia: Star Wars Edition is likely to sell a lot better in book stores than Wikipedia: Gimped Edition

A Slice of German Wikipedia to Be Captured On Paper [New York Times]

As my poor relationship with Sprint continues—I just tried to activate a new line with an old phone we already own, a Sprint Katana, but it was 'unable' to do so—The Consumerist has a doozy on America's third-largest cellular carrier. Allegedly, anonymous-sourcedly, Sprint's reps are under instructions not to write quotations from customers in notes. This is because such notes can be used by customers in lawsuits as evidence.

If true, it's probably best seen not as some new act of raving evil, but simply as a subtle reminder of how Sprint views its relationship with its customers.

Sprint Reps No Longer Allowed To Quote Customer In Quotes In Case Of Subpoena? [The Consumerist]

DRM is dead. And just like every activist, pirate and skeptic ever warned you, all the DRM-laden songs you bought will join it in the grave. Cory over at the motherboing notes that Microsoft is to close its "license server" for good, making it so DRM tracks are useless on any computer other than the one they were originally downloaded to.

They're nuking customers' music collections from orbit, an expression of spite on a cosmic scale. It's unimaginably bad form, but you know what? If you're affected by this, you're getting exactly what you paid for.

Early adopters of Asus 9" Eee PC in Hong Kong are in a righteous fury over what appears to be a flat-out campaign of dishonesty and misinformation on the part of Asus in regards to the Eee's battery life. Early reviews cited a 2.5 hour battery life for the Eee, but Asus has admitted that it "mistakenly" sent reviewers a 4-cell, 5800mAh battery with their Eees instead of the battery that consumers will actually get: a significantly weaker 4400mAh 4-cell with a paltry 1.5 hour battery life.

Boo, Asus. That's just bad baseball. The 2.5 hour battery life was always disappointing, even before it turned out that you lied to reviewers even to get that. But 1.5 hours? On a brand new battery? How do you even release a product like that? Especially for five hundred and forty nine dollars?

Asus is now "considering" upgrading early adopters' batteries for free. Just do it, Asus. You're rapidly losing fans here. The cheap sub-notebook market is getting very crowded very quickly, yet you just seem intent on forcing itself out of the market it created. Lying to reviewers? Cheating customers who read those reviews? There's going to be enough contenders in the space within the coming months that unless you get your act together and start building superior units, there's going to be no reason to buy an Eee anymore. If, in fact, there's any reason to buy one now.

Asustek evaluating free battery upgrade for first day Eee PC 900 buyers in Hong Kong following complaints of misleading reviews [Digitimes]

The Consumerist ran a fantastic expose of Cablevision, whose agents are trained to lie to customers about the digital TV transition in order to convince them to upgrade set-top boxes (the transition affects over-the-air broadcasts, not cable TV). For its part, Cablevision responds with another lie, saying that it doesn't do this, despite the Consumerist having recorded proof that it does.

More shocking, however, is how the FCC responded: with a shrug. This issue exemplifies the value of muckraking around what appear to be trivial issues: an inconsequential $6.50 upgrade takes us all the way to demonstrating a regulator's disinterest in upholding the law.

The D-Link DSM-750's journey to stores is something of an epic.

The Pirate Bay, a popular MMORPG which pits players against the obsolete middlemen standing between artists and consumers, claims that a cop who led a raid on its servers is in the employ of Warner Brothers.

In a statement issued today, TPB says that the officer, Jim Keyzer, is not only a key witness against them in court, but canceled a counter-investigation that arose when The Pirate Bay's accused its enemies of "data trespassing," whatever the hell that is.

"The 39-year old investigator isn't the objective professional a police investigator should be. Since March 16 this year, he is employed by Warner Bros, one of the plaintiffs in the prosecution against The Pirate Bay. Keyzer himself confirmed the information but refused to reveal what his position within the company is."

Peter Athlin, lawyer to TPB's Peter Sunde, describes this conflict of interests between police and plaintiff as a "legal outrage."

Analysis? It's hardly a legal outrage for him to take the job—after all, the record industry has every reason to love him and want to offer him a place under its leathery wing. But he can't now testify on its behalf without looking like a big corrupt penis, and the whole situation reminds us how slimy and weird the RIAA and its member companies are.

Assuming it's actually true, of course!

Superblogger and RSS pioneer Dave Winer got his internet cut off by Comcast. Why? Because he uses too much of his unlimited service. The story is good and deserves to be read, so there's no reason to abridge it here. A few points, however, demand a short-form recap:

• Comcast's robot menu choices at its legal department make you agree that you're at fault before you can continue the call.

• Comcast refused to put its service termination threat in writing.

• Comcast refused to disclose its bandwidth limits.

• It disconnected his service to get his attention after being unable to reach him on an old phone number.

There's no point 'fessing up if you can't fix it, Comcast. And let's be frank, here: you can't fix it.

A new reason to hate Comcast [Scripting.com]

Does it matter if a company that makes operating systems is cool? Not really. Should it matter that they are out of touch with modern popular culture? No. Does the very existence of this video betray the fundamental desolation in the soul of every large corporate sales executive? I'll let fake Bruce answer that one, fist cocked skyward: "Our ecosystem rocks!"

How many Microsoft salesmen saw this video dribble down from management, put their faces in their palms, and wept? I bet if we could see the sales numbers after this video was released, there would be an immediate dip.

It starts off like any other job interview for a world-class marketing position. Your interviewer is the typical executive of a suburban Seattle gadget company: like most corporate movers-and-shakers, he is wearing workout sweats and a wife-beater at the office, and has a strange habit of kissing his flexed biceps between sentences. His first question to you, as translated by a colleague: "Would you be willing to completely bastardize everything you ever believed about design to work here?"

Welcome to a job interview at X10.You may know X10 for their line of tiny, wireless, remote-controlled cameras, perfect for installing beneath the lip of the bowl of a ladies room toilet. But if you were on the Internet in the early part of the decade, you more likely remember X10 for filling your screen with thousands of obnoxious, pop-under advertisements... incidentally, pop-under ads generated with code they stole from three teenagers.

So what's an interview at X10 like? According to the From the Mind of J weblog — the identity of the company is confirmed in the comments — it's everything you'd expect. The highlights:

As a company, X10 describes itself as "sort of the Safeway, Wal-Mart low-end range type company that works with volume rather than top of the line quality."

When asked if a subtler, more respectful approach to marketing would foster more loyalty from their customers, X10's response: "Honestly, we don't give a shit about branding."

About the company aesthetic, an X10 executive notes that, while at first, he didn't really like the company's official website, "now whenever he looks at a [properly designed] website, he finds himself thinking “They really need some flashing text there."

And finally, who buys cameras from X10? "Men from around age 30-40 with a little extra money who like buying gadgets and aren’t too concerned if it doesn’t work too well.”

Awesome. X10 may have just summarized in one snappy sentence the secret contempt of an entire industry for its customers.

Wow. Just wow. (Guess the company) [From The Mind of J]

Overpriced interconnect bastards Monster Cable — and I know, it's what the market will bear, etc., but we all know they're screwing the ignorant and now apparently going after smaller companies, hence... — sent a cease-and-desist letter to smaller cable manufacturer, Blue Jeans Cable. Too bad Blue Jeans Cable's president, Kurt Denke, used to work as an attorney. His response to Monster Cable, posted with permission at Audioholics, is chock full of bring it on, fuckers. Kurt Denke has one hundred arms, each hand with middle finger unfurled.

After graduating from the University of Pennsylvania Law School in 1985, I spent nineteen years in litigation practice, with a focus upon federal litigation involving large damages and complex issues.  My first seven years were spent primarily on the defense side, where I developed an intense frustration with insurance carriers who would settle meritless claims for nuisance value when the better long-term view would have been to fight against vexatious litigation as a matter of principle.  In plaintiffs' practice, likewise, I was always a strong advocate of standing upon principle and taking cases all the way to judgment, even when substantial offers of settlement were on the table.  I am "uncompromising" in the most literal sense of the word.  If Monster Cable proceeds with litigation against me I will pursue the same merits-driven approach; I do not compromise with bullies and I would rather spend fifty thousand dollars on defense than give you a dollar of unmerited settlement funds.  As for signing a licensing agreement for intellectual property which I have not infringed: that will not happen, under any circumstances, whether it makes economic sense or not.

Blue Jeans Cable Strikes Back - Response to Monster Cable [Audioholics]

Threat Level utilized a relatively benign vulnerability in the CIA.gov web site to insert one of their stories into the URL, giving the appearance that the content is hosted by the agency's site. Their choice of story to inject into the CIA.gov web site is priceless, too: "U.S. Has Launched a Cyber Security 'Manhattan Project,' Homeland Security Chief Claims"

I have such a grin right now.

See the story [Tinyurl.com > CIA.gov]
Look Ma, I'm on CIA.gov [Threat Level]

The IRS got me good last year, my first delve into the wonderful life of freelance journalism. The moral of the story is, as always, that tax deductions might not save you as much money as you think.

Remember all those gadgets we buy for work, dismissing the expense as a write-off? The deduction is from income, not from the tax bill itself. In practice, this means you only get a portion of your outlay back, depending on your income bracket. Even under Section 179, that $3,600 laptop isn't so cheap now, is it?

But don't trust my advice: talk to your CPA. Or to the software with which you have replaced it.

This vintage toy ad — torn from the back pages of a 1942 comic book — invites you science-minded kids to place a miniature telescope to your eye, which just happens to contain "a small quantity of real radium."

Another winning quote from the ad copy: "The RADIUMSCOPE is also a wonderful night-guide. IT GLOWS WITH A WEIRD LIGHT IN A DARK ROOM."

The Radiumscope's the most amazing sight you ever saw! Of course, what you might mistake for "the destruction of thousands of miniature worlds" is, in reality, simply the radioactive cell death of your eyeball's photo receptors, experienced in thrilling first person!

Years later, two Radiumscopes would be pushed through a pince-nez, and the prototypical X-Ray Specs were born, marketed to the man who just can't get it up unless he can see a lady's scapula.

Most Amazing Sight You Ever Saw! [Lileks]

UPDATE: Daniel Rutter edifies us in the comments about the true, scientific nature of the radiumscope...

This is actually a spinthariscope; a speck of radioactive material sits on the other side of a zinc sulfide screen that glows when alpha particles hit it.

So what you see is not some effect of radiation hitting your retina (which actually wouldn't stimulate it at all), but harmless visible-light photons, and not too many of them, either. It has been observed that even though you need completely dark-adapted eyes to see the feeble display from a spinthariscope, it's pretty amazing that you can see anything at all.

Edifying! Thanks, Dan. I'm still not crazy about douching out my eye socket with one, though.

Mike Masnick tears into Sprint's tragically weak security system that protects access to your account. Hope your neighbors don't know you very well!

The way it works is Sprint asks you a series of "security" questions that it thinks only you would know the answer to. Things like "what type of car has been registered at your address?" and "which of the following people has lived at your address?" It sounds like some data collection company probably convinced Sprint to purchase access to their data to set up these questions in the name of "security." The problem is that if you know just a little about certain people, you can easily guess the answers. Even worse, a former Sprint employee notes that, mostly to avoid "accidentally" having two right answers, it's usually quite easy to figure out the actual answers. For example, on the automobile question, the incorrect answers are usually expensive luxury vehicles.

Dumb Sprint 'Security' Questions Make It Easier To Hijack Accounts [Techdirt]

UPI reports:

The CPSC said the importer, Funtastic of Houston, initiated the recall because gray surface paint on the teeth was found to contain excessive levels of lead, violating the federal lead paint standard.

I am picking and frowning.

Chinese-made 'Hillbilly Teeth' recalled [UPI via J-Walk Blog]