You can do a lot of damage with a simple flashlight. One solid swing, connected with the occipital lobe, is enough to detach retinas, and I can tell you from first hand experience there's just nothing funnier than watching a burglar blindly stumbling around your house, his tongue protruding, his eyes wildly googling in their sockets. "Hey honey! Kids! Check it out! Its Cookie Monster!" you can cry out. With peals of delight, encourage your loved one to toss Oreos at the would-be home invader, making moist, mocking "Nom nom nom" noises with your mouths all the while. What might have been a horrific tragedy becomes a midnight comedy!
Yes, its a wonderful invention, the flashlight: giver of light, friend of shadow puppets, entertainer of children and enemy to prowlers, zombies and Draculas. But sometimes a flashlight just isn't deadly enough. Enter the K2 Porcupine Light, a powerful "eye-blinding" 70 lumens flashlight with retracting spikes near the bulb, perfect for jabbing into an ocular cavity and twisting with all your might. Or just for performing that impromptu midnight colostomy during a midnight power outage. See? Flashlights are useful to pacifists too.
For $129, though, you might just be better duct taping razor blades to the edge of your Eveready.
K2 Porcupine Light [Pentagon Light via OhGizmo]
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