Captain's log, $tardate 79.99. Our position, unknown. Sucked through some kind of... rift... the Enterprise finds itself drifting in unknown space, shrunk down like cosmic Liliputians, hounded by monstrous, troglodytic Brobdingnagians, leaping up and down and batting their sticky hands at us. Attempting to flee, our port warp nacelle was struck by some kind of spinning, fan-like doomsday device, flinging us to the very end of this dimension's space-time: a solid wall past which, Spock speculates, "reality" and "existence" has yet to seep.

Surrounded by bodies, Bones gibbers idiotically about alternate career paths, while that flatulent haggis of a Starfleet Engineer drunkenly stumbles through every embarrassing highland stereotype on his way to actually fixing the damn engines, which can suddenly only power the Enterprise for 15 minutes at a a time.

Meanwhile, we have been set upon by some sort of grotesque hell hound. Helm control minimal, our course and path is clearly in the hands of one of this dimension's galaxy-sized colossi. Morale is low: I grimly consider shooting Chekov for the crew's amusement.

Star Trek Remote Control USS Enterprise Vehicle [Entertainment Earth]

NOTCOT discovered these lurverly wooden animal puzzles, created by Enzo Mari in the mid-'70s. That means they're vintage — and hence expensive at $200 to $300. Easily replicated with a programmable jigsaw, but dig that crazy wood texture. In fact, the more I look at it, the more I think it's not wood but some sort of plastic.

There's another one that's all about the animals of the sea called "Pesci", which caused a buoy to light in my mind that Joe Pesci's name is actually "Joe Fish". I'm on point this morning!

WRIGHT: ENZO MARI ANIMAL PUZZLES [NOTCOT]

Just in time for us all to slack off on a no-news Friday, Dark Roasted Blend posts a gallery of wonderfully vintage toy robots, repelete in their own wind up, spark spitting retro magnificence. And look at that robot Fido! What a fantastic design: slap some hover pads on his orange belly and a cybertronic brain in his tin cranium and this is my vote for dog of the future, yes sir.

Toy Robots to Have and to Hold [Dark Roasted Blend]

Random Good Stuff asks the critical question regarding The Discovery Store's plastic welding toy: Does it work with Lego?

As it is, though, you just get three projects to complete — a dinosaur, plane and car — from a $30 toy that promises a way to safely weld its re-usable pieces. Besides, this is how you "weld" Lego:

Product Page [Discovery via Random Good Stuff]

For $2650, this motorize torso of a slavering, flesh hungry zombie might seem to pricey for even the most overzealous Hallowe'eners. But if you stop looking at poor Dead Fred here as a holiday prop and begin considering him as a means of transportation, it starts looking up as an investment. After all, what would you rather have propel you around town: a Segway or a crab-crawling, disemboweled zombie robot?

Thumbs up, by the way, for the YouTube clip's soundtrack, which appears to feature two zombies fucking.

Dead Fred Zombie Chaser [Fright Catalog via Nerd Approved]

Twelve circuit-bent, MIDI-actuated Pikachu toys scream together to form the "Y.M.O" — the Yellow Mouse Orchestra. Pink Tentacle has more if you dare.

Circuit-bent Pikachu instruments [PinkTentacle.com]

Ian Cook creates art by having remote-controlled cars dart back and forth, painting a canvas with their ink-soaked wheels.

"I wanted to be an artist from a young age and decided that to be successful I needed something completely unique," said Ian. "I've always been mad about anything with wheels and I figured that using cars to paint cars would capture peoples' imaginations, so I experimented at home by driving some remote control models through paint."

Here's a finished example:

British Artist Paints Using RC Cars As His Brushes [Gizmodo]

Transformers sneakers would have gone over well with me as a kid, but even then I would have been honked off by transforming sneakers you couldn't actually wear. That was always the hidden promise of Transformers, after all: a hidden toy that could be snuck into class, its subsumed robotic awesomeness lurking in disguise.

These 4D Transformable Sneakers are therefore depressingly half-assed: they got the transforming right, but cram your feet into them and the only transformation to be done will involve a healthy trotter turned into shredded sinew and exposed musculature.

Surely real Transformer shoes aren't beyond the reach of toy and sneaker designers. Make them platforms. I'm short! I'll wear platforms! T

4D Transformable Shoes [Gadget 4 All via Tech Digest]

Finally! An inexpensive technological solution for the otaku compulsively driven towards the molestation of thyroidal, liliputian lolitas. The "Cyber Figure Alice" by Geisha Tokyo Entertainment comes in the form of a tiny "cybercube", which looks something like Apple's minute recreation of the Lament Configuration. Point a webcam at the cube and Alice herself — a demure anime maid of indeterminate pubertal status — is displayed on your computer screen in animated three-dimensions.

Of course, that's not the real fun. Also included in the package are two "cyber sticks" which can be used to manipulate Alice in assorted ways. The ad copy encourages users to "touch her!" and "peep!" but this is all foreplay to the main event: using the tiny USB chopsticks to peel away Alice's frillery, item by item, like layers from sushi.

It certainly has the panache of perversion, but I still think this is pretty neat. I wish someone would apply this same technology to a concept that doesn't involve groping a virtual nine year old. I'm thinking a miniature dinosaur or tiny virtual robot you can feed and play with through your web-cam. Or — genius! — an official tie-in with Spore: create your alien in the Creature Creator. No need to send me a check, EA... just make it happen.

Cyber Maid Augmented Reality [Asiajin via Crunch]

My experience of pipettes is limited to (a) using one to remove the cream from a bottle of milk in science class, (b) using one to drop one chemical onto another in science class, and (c) using it to squirt water at classmates in science class.

For those with more legitimate applications at hand, the University of Cambridge's Ergopip is the upgrade path that we never knew needed to exist. From the Department of Engineering :

A redesign of the precision pipette one of the most commonly used laboratory instruments, to address ergonomic issues. While current models satisfy the need for precision and reliability, their design falls a long way short in terms of ease of use. They are entirely thumb-operated and are known to cause cases of repetitive strain injury. The students have designed a comfortable, easy-to-use pipette, the Ergopip, which distributes workload to the user's fingers and is just as precise and reliable as existing versions.

The design team behind it included Jonathan Fraser, Mark Evans, Shu Sun and Rehana Khanam.

Design page [CAM via Medgadget]

DeWalt's lineup of quality powertools just got some shock and awe with this brand-colored M16 "nail gun," the spectacular creation of David Wiggins.

I’d just picked up a new (to me) M-16 and was in the process of fixing it up a little. It needed new furniture anyway, so I sourced the safety yellow stock, guard, and grip. Then, I went down to the DeWalt factory service place a few miles from the house to get a sticker. There, I saw they had brand new battery casings, so I picked up one of those too. I got home, found a short magazine , and got to work

The battery-cum-magazine is lovely:

Here's an alternative offered by a commenter at its Toolmonger thread:

DeWalt-16 [Toolmonger via LikeCool and Ubergizmo]

The Wii's reputation as a game console for the rest of us grows larger with the latest third-party controller, which looks for all the world like a big white cucumber. Named the "WiibratorLink," its purpose is self-explanatory — it's just like those neck massagers found in ladies' direct-sales catalogs.

Perfect for playing Super Mario Brothers under unusual circumstances.

Source [Slashdong via Gizmodo]

Found at BMW's museum in Munich, the kinetic sculpture's 714-ball sculpture is held together by invisible cords. The music, however, is held together by pure emotion.

The comments at YouTube approach the Platonic form of a YouTube comment thread.

via Geekologie

The bobblehead phenomenon has always been inexplicable: the grotesquely inflated, fluid-filled skull of a hydrocephalic, re-appropriated as an icon of adorable kitsch. But where as a Mask branded Eric Stoltz bobblehead would doubtlessly seem offensive, this kneeling Darth Vader bobblehead is being universally cooed over by bloggerdom: he's a lovably geeky desktop buddy! And extra points for skull-to-torso ratio channeling Rick Moranis as Spaceballs' Dark Helmet.

Darth Vader Bobblehead [Monsters in Motion via Nerd Approved]

The Super Soaker, introduced in 1989, already has a long history of redesign and refinement. Enthusiast site iSoaker has charts tracking the evolution of the backyard battler's weapon of choice.

iSoaker [via Gizmodo]

At just 4.5 inches long, the Liliputian-sized MX1 chopper is the world's smallest remote controlled R/C helicopter. I imagine a hiveswarm of dragonfly-like whirlybirds to harass and confuse my enemies, or the moment — months from now — when I write a post about some daring modder who manages to hook up a tiny streaming video cam to the nose cone and fly it up Scarlett Johansson's Oscar dress. Just $49.99 from Think Geek (who else?).

MX-1 RC Copters [Think Geek via technabob]

WowWee makes many fun robots of limited but clever articulation and affordable price. It's a cool company, but ultimately, the novelty of a singing Elvis robot wears out about just as fast as one of those Wal-Mart brand singing mackerels.

To re-inject some fun into a gag gift that had long been played out, Instructables user GWJax took a blowtorch to one side of his Elvis' robot's rubbery mug, fitted it with a glowing red LED eyes, and thus the Elvinator was born.

Eventually, the Elvinator will have his own Skynet-issue "brain board" and a custom jaw piston to allow Austrian body builder style robotic elocution. Awesome.

The Elvinator [Instructables]

This steampunk sonic rifle prop created by Deviant Artist Vladislaus Dantes isn't nearly as cool as that Model 666 anti-vampire NERF gun we posted yesterday, but one needs a war chest fitted with a suitable prop for every sub-genre.

Sonification Rifle by *VladislausDantes [Deviant Art via MAKE]

What once was a mortal Nerf six shooter is now the "Model 666 Undead Slayer," a custom pistol designed for sending the undead hurtling toward their final, eternal unrest. Like all weapons sanctified by God and Church, the Model 666 is activated by grabbing the crucifix cross on top and cocking. (Prayers optional, but recommended.)

It's $37 shipped on eBay right now, but other slayers might raise the price of such an indulgence before the auction ends next week.

Shagnasty Labs Undead Slayer - PROP COSPLAY LARP [eBay]

This is is just great: a Lilliputian-sized version of Chutes and Ladders in key-chain form. All the pieces are there... even the spinner! God knows how you're meant to actually flick the spinner around, though... it's too small for a finger nail, too light to blow on. Highly-precise atom smasher aimed directly at the lip of the arrow, perhaps? Either way, at $4.99, this is a wonderful way to accessorize your keys.

Miniature Chutes and Ladders key chain [Ultimate Key Chains via Nerd Approved]

I'd certainly rather have seen a green-slime-spewing, blasphemy-spouting Regan over this Spider-Walk Regan action figure, which will go on sale for just $16.99 when it is released at the end of the month. Hopefully, that'll be next in this line of Exorcist branded toys. But what then? I don't think anyone wants to see "Crucifix Masturbating Regan... Now With Suggestive Karate Chop Action!" coming down the pipeline.... or do we?

Exorcist Spider Walk Action Figure [Nerd Approved]

At the Tokyo Show 2008, a crimson-and-argentine biomass of tiny, seething Ultraman toy make up a giant twenty foot tall Ultra-Ultraman statue. I love it, but I wonder if it wouldn't have been a more apt sculpture if the base molecules were made up of tiny Voltron-style figures, which then broke down atomically into its leonine metallic components.

Giant Ultraman [Hobby Media via Ultraman]

Frankie writes:

During the Tokyo Toy Show the Japanese company Robotis (famous for the Bioloid robot kits) showed the final version of the OLLO build system.

OLLO is a mix of Lego Technics, Meccano and Tamiya educational model kits.

The pieces are pretty small but the special tool made by Robotis is pretty helpful. I'm playing with a beginner kit and it's really fun (I confess that, being a Lego maniac, at the beginning I was a little bit sceptic about OLLO).

His post on the product is all in Italian, but you get the gist. If I'm not mistaken I'd seen the larger set of "Bioloid" kits from the same company at the New York Toy Fair. They were really neat, but also quite expensive, so seeing a smaller, cheaper set of kits is great news. Hopefully we'll get these in North America!

Robotis Ollo: Il modellismo robotico incontra il Lego… [HobbyMedia.it]

At first glance, K.I.S.S. is a sad-looking bunch... a cadre of pudgy sixty year olds squeezed into leather body suits, wheezing and panting. One has a star painted on his face, while another has made himself up to look like a sad kitty cat. But any doubts that K.I.S.S. stands for Knights in Satan's Service immediately evaporates when Gene Simmons opens his jaw and unfurls the slavering, gelatinous musculature of his wildly flailing tongue. This is the salivating organ of Baphomet, grafted into a human mouth. This is Satanism. This... is... ROCK!

K.I.S.S. fans can now own a decapitated replica of Gene Simmons head, as well as his purplish, pulsating tongue. The Gene Simmons LED bust features an 8" long fiber-optic glass tongue that will hallucinogenically flash in time with Detroit Rock City. Not only an excellent piece of tasteful decor for any post-modernist luxury apartment, but an excellent way to practice your french kissing. Just remember to tightly constrict your esophagus.

KISS Plasma Light Sculpted Head [Things You Never Knew via Nerd Approved]

This new Tomy piggy bank gives forward-thinking youngsters a reason to save their quarters: it features a miniature RPG game on the front, and every coin you pump into the bank is translated into gold, which can be used to buy weapons, items and armor for your character. Ultima meets Tamagotchi, basically. Although I'd hasten to add that a savings account is a better return on investment than putting your money into a wardrobe for an imaginary elf.

Enjoy this new Tomy RPG Piggy Bank [Akihabara News]

This video, which from the wealth of weapons used in its creation I can only presume is a sanctioned viral commissioned by Nerf, manages to break every rule of good internet video: it's over five-minutes long; it is a commercial; it's trying to be funny. Against all odds, it manages to be completely awesome. It's enough to almost make me wish I worked in an office.

Video Friday: The Great Office War [Oh Gizmo!]

Previously • N-Strike Vulcan EBF-25: Fully Automatic NERF Cannon

Trends in Japan made it to the Toyko Toy Show and shot lots of video. If you'd like to see the latest in dancing flowers, tiny robots, and R/C hovercraft, give a click over to look at their lovely photo gallery.

Tokyo Toy Show 2008 with video and photos [Killian-Nakamura]

Presumably to celebrate the 45th anniversary of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds, Mattel is releasing this special, limited edition Barbie doll, modeled after Tippi Hedren's iconic pose: a single, soft white hand shielding herself from a horde of feathered rates eager to plunge their beaks into the sweet aqueous vitreous of her eyes. It could only be more historically perfect a tribute if the accompanying Ken doll was modeled after Sir Alfred himself, lecherously smacking his ponderous jowls after Barbie Tippi's shiny, segmented, asexual pudendum, which would at least fittingly capture Hitchcock's fascination with most of his starlets. $44.99 when it is released later this year.

Update: As I mentioned in the comments, they should really follow this up with a Psycho-licensed Vivien Leigh Barbie, with Ken as Norman Bates in drag.

Alfred Hitchcock The Birds Barbie Doll [Entertainment Earth via Nerd Approved]

Matt Kirkland, Designer for Hire!, vivisects a wide variety of talking dolls, peeling their skin off layer by layer to reveal the plastic musculature and copper-twined sinews of the anatomy within. Baby Big Bird can be scraped down to a small tape recorder, but some other dolls have truly horrifying robot skeletons.

in vestimentis ursum [Matt Kirkland]