Nokia Still Growing Their Own iPhone


Ever since the iPhone's release last June, Nokia has adhered to a well-formulated response strategy: pantomimed yawning, fingernail cleaning and loud theatrical humming. In short, the exact strategy I use to dissuade poltergeists from sliming the house with ectoplasm: I don't believe in you, you're stupid, go away.

But none of this stopped Nokia from announcing their own iPhone killer, code-named "Tube," in August of last year. And what do you know? Tube was a doppelganger of the iPhone down to the nucleus, its only major advantage being the jettisoning of the EDGE network in favor of proper 3G.

Yesterday, Nokia Forum's Tom Libretto announced that they are still hard at work on Tube, which is just as much of an eerie simulacrum of the iPhone as ever. No shipping date was announced, but Libretto did take the opportunity to compare Apple's 6 million iPhone ship number since June with Nokia's device shipments. "We've done that [volume] since we've had dinner on Friday," he boasted.

It's the wild-eyed, pelvic-thrusting boast of an insecure satyr confronting a slick Lothario's seduction record by typing ten digits into a calculator, flipping it around so you can read the number and then pointedly saying, "Including your mother."

But more over, it's an alarming figure: if Libretto is to be believed, at this rate, within one hundred years the atomic mass of Nokia phones will supersede the mass of the known universe, which seems to be a far more plausible threat to the fabric of space/time than any quantum strangelets produced by Europe's Large Hadron Collider. Whole planets will be consumed by Nordic automatons to produce a Kuiper belt of ownerless Nokia handsets for our extinct civilization.

Nokia's Tube is due this year according to the usual background scuttlebutt. While there's no price announced, its hard to imagine Nokia would bother cloning the iPhone's form while neglecting to clone its price.

Nokia readies iPhone response [InfoWorld]

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