recycles sarcophagi into settees

coffin-couch_Lowrider-black frontal.jpg

There comes a moment in every boy's life of sexual awakening, a moment when hormonal tides surge, when girls cease to be perceived as slimy, purple-faced goblins and instead become slyphs of terrible allure. When this happens, young men tend to turn to their fathers for advice, and I will never forget my father's sage words when I asked him how to go about the seduction of those soft and sweet-smelling creatures, the fairer sex which had reacted to my overtures at every turn with pantomimed vomiting noises. "Son..." my father said, driving me to the graveyard and handing me a shovel. "You look the way you look, and there's just nothing to be done about that. Just you remember: dead girls don't say no."

It's advice that has served me well, so I'm intrigued by these designer coffin couches... the perfect love seat for post-mortem seductions. According to the guys at, they have managed to secure a number of unused 18 gauge steel coffins from South Californian funeral homes and convert them for use in your living room. Due to pesky South Californian anti-graverobbing laws (and I can attest to the fact that California's just maggoty with them), these coffins are entirely unused, so you don't need to worry that yours wasn't hosed off properly. The price of each couch is $4,500.

This is worthy of applause. It's just so rare that the furniture industry is brave and forward-thinking enough to pander to the interior decorating whims of necrophiliacs and millionaire goths. Bravo, Bravo!

Coffin Couches [Official Site via Born Riches via Presurfer]

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9 Responses to recycles sarcophagi into settees

  1. nabru says:

    That actually looks pretty comfy.

  2. kataztrophy says:

    I’d sit on it…

    …If it were covered by a sheet and I was oblivious to the fact that it was made from a coffin.

  3. dculberson says:

    Man, I actually cringed at the end of that first paragraph. That’s a pretty tough reaction to get out of me nowadays, in this post-Internet hardened world.

  4. Euryale says:

    I would definitely buy one of those, if I had $4,500 to spare. Is that weird?

  5. pooklord says:

    Umm . . . the problem with couches made from coffins, is that coffins are always designed and made to appear comfortable, not be comfortable.

  6. Tenn says:

    @6 Pooklord,

    It doesn’t need to be comfortable for the ‘guests’ (read victims.)

    I appreciate the aesthetics. I don’t like especially squishy couches anyway, so I’ll take one. Wait- $4,500 you say?

    -Gets her shovel- -and hose-

  7. technogeek says:

    Reportedly, it isn’t unheard-of for woodworkers to make their own coffins. Then they’re stuck with the problem of what to do with it until they die. I’m told it’s not uncommon to design ’em so the coffin-specific hardware (carrying rails and the like) dismounts until needed, letting them be used as storage chests which are only slightly strange… at least until you open them and notice they’re padded.

    Of course, if I ever did that (unlikely; I view it as a waste of good woodworking) I’d need to make sure one of the things it contained was a bag of “graveyard dirt”… just to spook anyone who’s too inquisitive.

    “I do not drink… wine.”

  8. Beanolini says:

    Steel coffins? That’s wrong in so many ways. What was wrong with the good old winding-sheet?

    Our breadboard was made (by my aunt-in-law) from a recycled coffin- a nice bit of elm.

    Dead boys don’t say no, either, according to the film Kissed.

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