The world's most luxurious office cubicle

NielsenDataCubicleMakeover.jpg

Behold the stately, mahogany-paneled walls of Jared Nielsen's cubicle. Witness the dark cherry hardwood floors and small turkish rug. Consider the fluted end caps, the artfully hewn carvings of the desk. Now consider your own smelly corporate sarcophagus, covered in thumb tacked spreadsheets and "Hang in there, Kitty!" posters. This is where you will spend 40 hours a week over the next thirty years. This could be the place you die. It's really enough to make you want to beat the crap out of that Jared Nielsen character, isn't it? He sits there just looking oh-so-smug.

Extreme Cubicle Makeover: Red Mahogany Luxury Paneled Cubicle with Dark Cherry Hardwood Floors [Nielsen Data via DVICE]

Join the Conversation

21 Comments

  1. So what’s the over-under for how long it’ll take for the leather chair and flat screen monitor to, ah, walk away, and for a jealous cube dweller or three to carve something not-so-nice in the mahogany walls?!

  2. Well, Mikey Likes BoingBoing, I bet that he has a lot of coworkers with Swiss Army Knives and the like, and he has to go to the bathroom sometime…

  3. Is this for real? In all three offices where I have worked, groups get moved around once a year or so, sometimes a lot more often. I would never want to invest so much into something I would soon abandon. I guess I haven’t studied enough Buddhism to be quite THAT in touch with the impermanence of things. (And the real problem is, unlike a snowman or sand castle, the beautiful results of this work will still exist, and belong to someone else, after he leaves…)

  4. I tried to describe for myself why I felt this profound sadness while looking at this picture, and the only comparison I could come up with was of someone feeling smug about the fact that his prostetic limb looked better than that of the other amputees.

  5. I had that exact same wallpaper for quite a while. I love Hubble and its lovely pictures of nebulae.

  6. On the wall you cannot see is Jared’s framed lifetime NRA membership. In an antique brass frame of course. He also has a lovely picture of himself with his 50 caliber rifle and RPG launcher.

    Needless to say Jared also has his cubicle guarded with the best 24 hour video surveillance available. As an added touch Mr. Nielsen sends everyone in the office a Christmas card as not so subtle reminder that he knows where they live…..

  7. I like how it’s extravagant AND minimalist; all that wood, the fancy table, the ornate rug, but no knick-knacks, papers laying around or wall hangings; just the minimum amount of furniture, a phone and the computers.

    @airshowfan: I’m just guessing, but I think he may have built this so that it can be moved easily. That would be one of the first things I would think of if I had done this.

  8. Personal reaction: Lipstick on a pig. It’s still a cubicle — no visual or sound isolation, which means no ability to screen out distraction without wearing headphones and horse-style blinders.

    I don’t care if they put me in a cardboard box, or a tiny closet, as long as it’s a sufficiently complete and solid box to let me close out the world when I need to.

    There are times when open plan works. But not many. Its main justification seems to be that it’s cheaper to install and maintain than real walls and doors, which looks good on the site manager’s report — and the site manager doesn’t care about lost productivity; that goes on someone _else’s_ blame sheet.

    Grump, grump, grump.

  9. The chair is wrong, moreso, it lacks a Fabergé mouse and Bernsteinzimmer’s amber panels.

  10. Only if I could wear my carpet slippers and fez, burn incense and play darts whenever I wanted to. Then, OK.

  11. meh, I like my cubicle better. I can hang crap on the walls in mine; whereas I would feel guilty taping and/or stapling a snarky sign up on those nice walls.

  12. No cubicle is perfect but in 70 cubic inches you have to make some sacrifices. My choice was to forego the notebooks and paper that I never looked at anyway. Instead we launched a Sharepoint intranet and I use Google Hosted Domains to manage all of my calendaring, email, scheduling, etc.

    Yes, the cubicle can disassemble. You just pop off the back crown piece and unscrew the base moulding and the rest of the fastners are hidden behind them. Installation took one hour and a move would be just as simple.

    I have to tell you, I do enjoy it… and my co-workers have been very supportive… Maybe that has less to do with the cubicle and more to do with the cool nature of the people I work with.

    I do love the desk though…

    Enjoy the project!

    Jared Nielsen

  13. Jared – truly cool. 70 cubic inches is pretty small, but you’ve done a great job. Check out the move Brazil (all you who haven’t) for a glimpse of the office of the future.

  14. Hvng t dl wth Mr. Nlsn s dlng wth n ndvdl tht dmnstrts th psychtc bhvrs f mglmnc. H wld rthr crrct spllng thn ndrstnd cncpts. H s trly ntllgnt nthcl dvnt. Th wrld wll b bttr plc whn h s hmbld.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *