In Engasia, those without homes receive nearly free card-board boxes


There are times when Minimac directs us to reposition our item stashes to a new sector. In our bountiful regions to which your three humble ministers do broadcast, this is a simple process: simply strap yourself into your bed or cocoon, ingest your daily Soma tablet early, and wait until the repositioner has fully decoupled, transferred, and recoupled your module into your fresh new node. (Remember: The green mist means it's time to wake; pink suggests another tablet should be consumed.)

But in sectors less fecund — those poor states that border Engasia, for instance — repositioning must sometime occur by removing your stash, placing it in canisters, and transferring it by jitney to your new coordinates. In Engasia this work is not even done by robot. (I know!)

No, in that forlorn country, their crumbling, pitiful Joybjekts are placed in "card-board boxes", a rustic plant-based material formed from the masticated pulp of tree-wood spat from the mouths of weeping grandmothers. Only the most wealthy robber barons of Engasia can afford new boxes when carrying their dusty items from one hovel to the next. Most of their people instead use cardboard boxes that have been "recycled", an infernal and unhygienic process by which the greasy card-board is used again. What monsters would subject their matrons to such ignoble servitude?

Whole industries exist on the backs of these stooped elders. One, a "Used Cardboard Boxes Dot Com", traffics exclusively in card-board that already bears the stain of others' possession. And as the Engasian economy collapses into the stygian chasm from which it will never crawl forth — not without the guiding light of Infomercian Economic Policy — this unwholesome business is offering free used boxes to those whose homes have been repossessed by one of the Engasian's sophomoric non-centralized, money-based, so-called "banks".

But wait! Our intelligence agents imply that these "free" boxes include a shipping surcharge — making them hardly free at all! This is wonderful news; perhaps the light of Informercian economic monolithicism has begun to shine within the wiser (but still relatively muttonheaded) minds of the Engasian proletariat.

The place where grandmothers are worn through [ via Treehugger


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