Microsoft announces 20 editions of Windows 7! (j/k)

Earlier today, Microsoft confirmed that its next operating system, codenamed Windows 7, would in fact be called just that when it hits shelves at some point in the next few years. Good on 'em, I say: a simple, no-nonsense name suggests they're approaching it with a clearer eye than they had cooking up the hypefest that was Vista.

But if there's an instinct that Microsoft will find hard to put to bed, it's the one that led to more versions of Vista than can be counted on one hand. The place is run by a sales guy, after all! Click through for our exclusive leaked ad covering the 20 separate editions of Windows 7, straight from our anonymous sauce.

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Published by Rob Beschizza

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47 Comments

  1. now see stuff like this is why I go to BBG, more stuff like this, less crap like yesterdays fake government stuff. After yesterday I’ll just be avoiding BBG on Wednesday and Friday

  2. Hilarious! I didn’t see the “j/k” in the title and nearly shit myself when i saw the names and descriptions of the editions. Priceless.

  3. Smart, smart marketing move to just call it Windows 7.

    I’m no fan of Microsoft, but everything I’ve seen so far suggests it’ll blow Macintosh System 7 out of the water. They can only benefit from a direct comparison between the two.

  4. SEMIOTIC,

    “I’m no fan of Microsoft, but everything I’ve seen so far suggests it’ll blow Macintosh System 7 out of the water. They can only benefit from a direct comparison between the two.”

    MacOS System 7 died in 1997, when it was replaced by System 8.

    It’s now up to X (10), actually 10.5.5.

    There probably isn’t a lot of difference between Windows 7 and MacOS System 7 anyway.

    John Davis

  5. Semiotix, I don’t know about that, have you seen the boot time of a System 7 box lately? It’s like lightning compared to a modern Windows system!

    (Actually, I don’t remember… I do know Sys9 was pretty slow. 6 was whiplash on a fast system.)

  6. I can tell that this is not a real Microsoft release – there are not nearly enough ®s or â„¢s after all of the product names.

  7. ” will delete a random hardware driver each time you install a new game to ensure you get the complete PC gaming experience.”

    Nice. Very nice. It’s the little things that count.

  8. Hilarious! Parody to lampoom M$ for the ridiculous number of windows editions.

    What’s even funnier is that when it does come out, there probably WILL be around 20 versions…

  9. Qouted from post #7

    “SEMIOTIC,

    “I’m no fan of Microsoft, but everything I’ve seen so far suggests it’ll blow Macintosh System 7 out of the water. They can only benefit from a direct comparison between the two.”

    MacOS System 7 died in 1997, when it was replaced by System 8.

    It’s now up to X (10), actually 10.5.5.

    There probably isn’t a lot of difference between Windows 7 and MacOS System 7 anyway.

    John Davis”

    Thank god there are douchenozzles like John Davis to explain everything for us….

  10. Well, the client (i.e. not server) versions will come in 32-bit and 64-bit builds, so that’s another 10 versions right there.

  11. “it’ll blow Macintosh System 7
    I almost blew mountain dew out of my nose”

    This is the most I will LOL today 😛

  12. lmaol…really loudly!
    coffee is splashing on my cubicle…

    how about a Tiny W-7 with 4gb of run to one app… that’s the way to go!!!

  13. Windows 7 for Politicians:
    Makes up pledges then breaks them for you!
    only $5million for Windows 7 for Politicians semi-penta-hyper-ultimate edition!

  14. You forgot “Deluxe paint edition” and the BSOD range, due to the popularity, the BSOD is now avalible in red, yellow, black, purple, indigo, green, white, navy, a lighter shade of blue,polka-dot, stripes, eplieptic sezuire and multi-colour versions.*

    * Cost an extra 600 USD EACH per purchace of add-on. You must also give your credit card details along with your PIN to Bill Gates for a “free” security pack.

  15. Disappointed that the Windows 7 “Single App.” addition was missing from the list. This version was specifically designed for these hard economic times and will be competitively priced at $99.99. It will only require the STANDARD 4GB of memory and will economically run 1 single app. at a time. (printer drivers extra.)

  16. Windows 7 Beta 1, Build 7000, the one that Microsoft is still allowing people to download and test is a thing of the past car finance. Details on Build 7025 of the next iteration of the Windows OS have already been leaked out thus marking the move to post-Beta and Microsoft has even come out to announce that the next release will be a Release Candidate (RC), not a second Beta.

    “The next milestone for the development of Windows 7 is the Release Candidate or “RC”. Historically the Release Candidate has signaled “we’re pretty close and we want people to start testing the release, especially because all the features are done.” The obvious question is that we know the Pre-Beta was October 28, 2008, and the Beta was January 7th, so when is the Release Candidate and RTM? The answer is forthcoming. We are currently evaluating the feedback and telemetry and working to develop a robust schedule that gets us the right level of quality in a predictable manner baltimore mortgage loans,” says Steven Sinofsky.

  17. The Medifastcompany points out that on it’s popular 5 plus 1 plan it is common to lose two to five pounds per week. On the upper end, you may lose up to 20 pounds in 1 month. If you’re on the very lower end, you may lose approx 8 pounds. Either way, these figures video conferencing equipment show that’s you can achieve your goals with this diet. Most people would be very happy with these results. If you lost “only” eight pounds per month steadily, that would be 96 pounds in a years time, or 48 pounds in six months. For overweight and morbidly obese people, this is enormously life changing.

  18. I’m no fan of Microsoft, but everything I’ve seen so far suggests it’ll blow Macintosh System 7 out of the water. They can only benefit from a direct comparison between the two. sohbet

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