You have an iPhone. You are dismayed by some attribute or experience associated with said iPhone. Accordingly, you will write a Haiku in the comments to this post expressing said dismay. You will as a result win a Mophie Juice Pack Air battery pack, an $80 value described by Joel Johnson as the first case that I've considered keeping on my iPhone for a long time.
Runner-up wins a Moleskine knockoff. Go!
no i’m not all thumbs
no i did not mean “ducking”
swear WITH me, iPhone!
many apps on screen
i long to use them all but
my battery died
Sorry, can’t talk long
The sun sets and the leaves fall
My battery dies.
Taking her picture
The preview disgusted her.
Damn my greasy ears.
I really want one,
Too bad I’m disqualified,
My poetry rulz.
i will call you back
after i beat Rolando
nevermind, phone’s dead.
No front-side webcam
for Jetsons’ video calls??
Tim Cook, you’rrrrre fired!
Last chance to reach her
I call, it rings, then silence
Hope turns to despair.
not the toilet, phone!
after a week of drying
i’m stuck just texting.
iphone is sexy
even my old crap samsung
could send a picture
My iPhone looked great
My girlfriend was impressed
But now it’s cracked and i’m lonely
Five dollars to cut
and five more to paste, you say?
Fuck you, I reply.
My first-gen iPhone
Got kicked to slower network
I feel so unloved.
Pristine front and back
Now there are scratches on both
Wish I’d put in case.
Lucky I didn’t
Load this page on my iPhone
In the USA
iPhone Battery
Will not hold charge for so long
Now, I am mad pissed
tethers of empire
cut loose by a rebellion
now black brick to hold
iPhone battery
Will not hold charge for so long
Now, I am mad pissed.
Restarted iPhone.
iTunes reset my podcasts.
Well, that is just great.
can’t place in pocket
I swear to god it’s a phone
why am I so scared?
I prefer a real phone
like nokia 5800
sorry sorry apple.
………………..
free online store
Immense string of text
winter hands cannot re-type
and no copy-paste.
iPhone, broken screen
two hundred eighty dollars?
you thieving bastards
Browsing the app store
Category exclusion?
I only see games
sorry, can’t e-mail
or IM, or GPS
just two percent left
Got a new iPhone
Even with bells and whistles
still don’t rule the world
Someone sent me a
Multimedia message
View via the web
crack on the back side
dying battery within
crap cam above all
more bars more places
AT&T, where are these
places? I… (dropped call)
Wife has iPhone 1
Summer comes, buy a new one
She wants the compass
I love you I phone
why are you AT&T?
now my calls get drop…
long brown clay like phone
fall free into the maelstrom
from my end begin
I… Hello?… Hello?
my iPhone is terrific
AT&T stinks
All the Internet,
Available everywhere,
Except here and now.
I’ll turn down the light
Wifi and bluetooth are off
A dim glowing brick
2g 3g 3Gs
I have had them all
but I am not satisfied
My phone wont turn off,
Was just over a year – scoff,
Seventy dollars?
My lesson is learned.
Use the phone everywhere, just…
not in the shower.
Is there an app yet,
for creating the haikus…
on this stupid phone?
Playing Hookie
No, boss: never heard.
iPhone ate your calls and mails,
so I just stayed home.
dialed nine one one
reporting fire on the hill
beep beep the call failed
I bought this black box.
Spoon fed the revolution.
Ashes in my mouth.
Squeals, bursts, trickles, runs
Waves of filth reverberate
There’s an app for that
dropped mine down toilet,
case smoothness proved slippery,
now it works like…
unringing iPhone,
your power cannot make her
longing slow or solve
Once bought an iPhone
two weeks later 3gs
Goddamnit Steve Jobs
“Play David Bowie”
Woman in pocket replies:
“calling Aunt Laurie”
Headphones in or out?
My iPhone cannot discern
Filled with pocket lint.
The Apple iPhone
My dedicated rimshot
sound effect machine
Checked it out: no sale.
Bought a blackberry instead.
Do not need the prize.
Tension breaks once more
Network unavailable
Slide to power off
Is Steve Jobs a god?
Many people seem to think.
I just like the phone.
Volts under the hood
Current ebbs away too fast
I need a juice pack
Early morning rise
I’ll check e-mail in the bed
Ugh, stop landscape mode!
ordered 3Gs
but I live in Canada
so I’m still waiting
Got used to soft keys
Can deal with split inboxes
But Pearl’s homescreen? Missed.
Early morning rise
I’ll check e-mail lying down
Ugh, stop landscape mode!
New baby arrives
“Please send pictures via text!”
MMS silence
Remember downtime?
I am so tweeting this one.
Pooping has changed, man.
Dear Ion battery…
Ahh, you inflame in my face,
What sweet melody!
Dear Ion battery…
Ahh, you inflame in my face,
What sweet melody!
here, there, inside, out
no signal is to be found
yet i keep paying
Hello? Hell-oo -ooo
-kccchhhhh- -kccchhhh- Reception is bad!
I’ll call you later
at last sweet freedom
but the garden walls are high
must break out of jail
no, no i did not
type that word that appeared
why don’t you trust me
“This Device Is Not
Compatible With Your Phone”
Said from the toilet
Too cool for iPhone
Not going to join the cult
(Really want, don’t tell)
Fell and cracked the screen
two hundred to get it fixed
glass shards in my thumb
fancy ringtones shouldÂ
be allowed for system sounds
new mail “Ding!” gets old
A different juice
can’t use iPhone with a glove.
Named O.J. Simpson.
I enjoy drinking,
though clumsy when I do it,
my screen is broken!
iPhone gets eMail
Says “Favorite Band Tonight!”
Bill came. Fuck, am broke.
Google Voice is cool!
Except for those with iPhones.
Android anyone?
Servicing said phone
requires much self-loathing.
Always back-up. PLEASE!
Oh, Apple iPhone,
Please don’t flip the screen on me,
I lay on my side!
Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.
Respond to me! Tap tap.
What the fudge? Restart.
A tragedy, yes
That with sensitive touchscreen
No porn apps permitted
keypad is screwed up
jruosf ua dveefrf ip to you
using pen to text!
Geocaching Scouts
I think we’re getting closer
The battery died.
It is so simple
How could it not launch with this?
The Copy and Paste
Pictures to be sent
MMS not supported
Cry, my photos, cry
Sadly fall the leaves:
Apple Corp hates my network,
network hates them back.
your voicemail arrives
as i watch the koi swim
hours after you called
I don’t need a life.
The internet is with me.
Check Facebook again…
2g makes me scream
3g, so last century
wifi sucks down volts
So good that it hurts
Make up some flaws if you must
Nothing is as good
as apple ponders
google voice for iphone app
we can jailbreak
iPhone? I don’t own.
Why not? See others’ complaints.
Haikus are lame poems.
there is no iPhone
there is only the magic
and AT&T
spirally pinwheel
in vain you search for 3G
never to be found.
A shiny new phone.
Now to message a friend!
“Best pay-up, suckah.”
cracks in the surface
white hot symbol for status gone
so few sans iphone
I plug in power
plug in plug out again
no vibrations, anywhere
naughty bat – tease me
then drop signal yet again
and I’m powerless.
Girlfriends Blackberry
it hit the cats waterbowl *splash*
now double the calls
I find my iPhone
is more than alright – it’s just
my thumbs that need help
ATT death star
holds my phone in icy hands
jailbreak required
Iphone beckons me
But Bell flaunts constitution.
Palm pre? Oh, Sprint sucks.
It’s all good really
just that app-based net access
is presumed naughty
Dropped like I was hot.
AT&T, you are not
so kind to my calls.
No floaters today,
but i know whats been down there.
Jesus phone submerged.
The sun is shining
BB calling about a prize
But it didn’t get through
A glimpse of falls past
reflect in the spiderwebs
that crisscross my screen.
Softbank with weak waves
My power slips away
No longer a phone
do not have iphone
can’t hate what i do not have
a molskine for me?
Inspiration hits
itching to type words here
denied real keyboard
out of warranty
genius bar d-bag helps out
thanks for the free phone
new phone arrives dead
barely holds a fucking charge
juice pack would be tits
I lost my iPhone
At Inglorious Basterds
Just today… pause… sigh
New? Fast? Three G S!
After upgrading I find
Battery is shit
or
Google Talk would rock
A T and T to their knees
No free calls for us?
Sussss. Bur-rap! Oh, crap.
Steve needs three weeks to approve
My hot new fart app?!
(I even made it rhyme, bitches. Do I get to pick the color? I am Brosef K. Tip your server).
I love you so much
little iPhone so perfect
shit: battery’s dead
Why buy an iPhone
Support sucks in Canada
My Samsung vibrates
Okay, here’s one that completely fails to honor the 5-7-5 format (damn your four syllable monkey wrenching, Gil!), but I include it anyway for the amusement of all:
AT&T, what’s the dealio?
It’s like each iPhone comes
With a little Amelio.
80 bucks a month?
And locked to AT&T?
Uh… I don’t think so!
iPhone, now it let’s me
post haiku gadget, juicepak.
Soon, I will press on -to submit
19% charge… ? …dismiss.
Haiku don’t rhyme and 5-7-5 syllables is not de rigeur. (Though the following does adhere to that scheme)
With a poor network
And hope of Flash unfulfilled
Still, it is flashy.
Haiku don’t rhyme and 5-7-5 syllables is not de rigueur. (Though the following does adhere to that scheme)
With a poor network
And hope of Flash unfulfilled
Still, it is flashy.
Sideways pic, turned, stays
on its side; something is wrong –
I can’t pin it down
(look at http://twitpic.com/fdivl/full in your phone, and try to turn it the right way up. I want to pin the screen to stop rotation for pics like this.)
you phone are not mine
I must steal what I have bought
I am dissapoint
Lost in the mountains
‘summer, all calls to voicemail
why won’t you float, phone?
Lost in the mountains
‘summer, all calls to voicemail
why won’t you float, phone?
Form over function
A phone for yuppies, not geeks
I miss my Treo
Softbank with weak waves
My power slips away
No longer a phone
Why I can’t even send one simple photo or contact through bluetooth to my friends who are not using iPhone with no internet package?
Sent from my iPhone
music has faded
friends become unreachable
there is no juice here
Apple and Google
fighting over google voice
bring out the jail break
frankly, i actually my iphone is orders of magnitude better once i jail broke it. that and that fact that i can now use it as a ruby on rails dev server to impress my friends =P.
Calm down crazed fanboys
and bile filled haters:
It’s a great gadget.
“Late summer,” my ass!
Where is the MMS
ATT licks balls
I took you swimming
you fried in Puerto Rico
oops — not waterproof.
(it was an accident! I swear!)
I missed my pocket:
corner-first on the sidewalk
your glass face, shattered.
(Also an accident!)
as fine as a thread
the crack grows along the back
i dropped my iphone
Standing still at home
nonetheless call fades and drops
call back, say goodbye
Overpriced product
Bought in droves by mindless fans
Can you smell burning?
No iPhone for me
I have no use for Juice Packs
Present for the boss?
Actually, I’d just as soon not win. I just like haiku. 🙂
Was so excited
To surf the web anywhere
But damn! It’s a Touch.
Candylike touchy feelscreen
full of Darwin goodness
sadly, it is a phone.
iphone battery
runtime is horrible fail
external needed
Oh, autocorrect,
nerdiness ain’t neediness!
Forsake not us geeks.
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iPhoneカメラ
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大地震
iPhoneã‚‚ã£ã¦
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iPhoneã§
no multitasking?
screw this i’m buying a pre
where are all the apps?
Beautiful piece of
Modern technology can’t
Send picture message
Running in the rain
My iPhone is my stopwatch
Turn back on, back-light
Two years I used you
Waiting on the 3GS
You bricked too early
Oh for more battery life:
Little slab of black
Your fire will burn so brightly
That death comes today
Sucky built-in cam
No way to load from real cam
Summer wanes pic free
you always ask me
when pulled from denim darkness
“slide to power off?”
Silly GPS
Gets reflected off buildings
where am i going?
the rose bloom falls off
with expectation I waited
no! to google voice
iPhone email comes
I want vibrate with no sound
No joy, both or none
Apple shiny goodness
Crap AT&T Service
Dreams of jail braking
iPhone Safari,
why are there only 8 tabs?
seriously. why?
A bitter eclipse
of my pocket monolith’s
meager energy
My home screen is sad
It wants it’s Google Voice back
damn AT&T
Too poor for iPhone
Paper is a luxury
Hope I win second
the future of phones
apparently lacks MMS
last-gen feature, Steve?
Web page loading near
Excitement becomes a tear
Flash needed, I fear
now contract! expire…
verizon holds my testes.
but maybe thats good.
installing o.s.
3.0 means apps take days
to load and run… blergh
I had an iPhone
I was poor so I sold it
Worst mistake ever
Check out this picture
Background worthy, text that here
Cannot, Iphone says
Google Voice reject?
No, continue to study
The apple it does
Winter In Akron
Loved one calling for romance
Off faster, damned gloves!
App interaction
Remains a fan boy’s dream. Why?
No multitasking
tracking my meetings
but no repeating alarms
am I late again?
glass seems fragile, strong
plastic seems durable, cracks
iPhone enigma
Hate AT & T
But must have iPhone hipness
No one left to call
girlfriend got one too
now when i want to bump her
“there’s an app for that”
Can you hear me now?
wait, of course you can’t hear me
AT&T sucks.
iphone held upright
that doesn’t stop landscape mode
shake, shake still landscaped
iPhone’s apps aren’t free
I hate wasting my money
on some fart sound app.
four of us dining
one by one, glowing faces
etiquette is dead
I loved her so much.
She called back: “Remember me?”
Click. Battery died.
I loved her so much.
She called back: “Remember me?”
Click. Battery died.
we’re at a party
everyone’s staring at screens
phones more fun than life
Going to Japan
International roaming
is ridiculous
App interaction
Remains a fan boy’s dream. Why?
No multitasking
3.0 comes out
MMS can’t be done now!?!?!
Fuck you ATT!
Tried to send photo.
3G network is up now!
Whoops, only Edge now.
My iPhone can run
Doom and Myst and Wolfenstein…
I’m Bejeweled instead.
Iphone way too slow
T-Mo: No 3G for me
Still, I’m a fanboy
a tear tracks my face
Left but an empty shell I
phone jailbreak don’t take
This phone is good for
Everything under the sun
Except speaker phone
Tried to buy iPhone
Ma Bell won’t take my money
Bought a blackberry
My friend Ai
asks me why
her iPhone die
“I’ve got an iPhone!”
[waves it in air] “AN IPHONE!!!”
SOMEONE LOOK AT ME!!!
On bus with iPhone
shouting so they all can hear
still no-one sees me
Nightclub! Strobe-light app
waving iPhone overhead
did not get me friends
All i Really want
Is A camera on front
Please let me have one
Like cherry blossom
The iPhone too fast withers
Useless in my Palm.
Email, News, and Games.
But I waste my time with a
Pretend Lightsaber.
phone phone phone phone phone
me me me me me me me
phone phone phone ahhhhh fuck
I have a new toy
Ha! I bet it’s an I phone
they’re so yesterday
{true story}
[not a heykoo]
I phoooooooooooooooonnnneee
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
…
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Rapture in the ether
Magical future device in my hand
Aluminium plastic white sky opens
there once was a big lad named Chris,
he put his hand in his pants ‘LOOK AT THIS’
I needn’t have worried ; though my escape w’fair hurried
DON’T SHOW OFF YOUR PHONE WHILE I’M ‘AVIN A PISS
3G 3 year term
obsolete after one year
3Gs full price
boy summer concert
ocarina on the couch
no cut and paste ap
Wave of the future
Wonder of wonders my life
F*#@in DRM!!!!!!!!!
iPhone’s one year old
Upgrade to the 3GS?
$600
Small text, phone held close
phone hot like kittehz belly
BANG! Glass in my eye
Dear AT&T
Please get your asses in gear
I want MMS
Slim, black, focal point,
removes sky, the sea, my friends.
Put it down and live.
just one happy day
please let no sore eyes awake
to dead battery
edge cutting phone tech
three-point-oh no MMS?
may-be late this year
Stole an iPhone today
Owner did not purchase iFart
In the trash it goes
Important Phone Call
Why won’t this damn slider work?
Why did I jailbreak?
alt text MIA
xkcd, I miss your
clever afterthought
I love tethering,
Google Voice, emulators…
Jailbreak is a must.
Bought a new i-phone
Hands sweaty with excitement
Hence slider won’t work
Darn AT&T
This phone won’t work at my job
Neither at my home
My first Apple yeah,
And thanks to AT&T
It is full of worms.
I keep checking back –
The Neverending Contest.
There’s an app for that!
Smart phone, sometimes dumb.
No picture sharing for you!
Hmm… no app for that?
Smart phone, sometimes dumb
No picture sharing for you!
Hmm… no app for that?
Thank you all so much
I guess AT&T sucks
The contest is closed.